Is it time to call my marriage quits as my husband is in loves someone else?

[Blaire]

I am 31 and married my husband in 3yrs ago after 4 years of dating and i am so happy, my husband is 32.He has known this certain female friend of his for 18yrs and she is 26 and i feel very intimidated by her, they have a lot of mutual friends, she is so beautiful looking and almost all my husbands friends say they have a thing for her. When my husband found out she was engaged he became very pissed off with everybody and would turn on me for the littlest things, her engagement has since ended. I've always sensed off him that he had feelings for her when we dated, they were very close until she moved away to be with her fiance. My husband confessed to me 3 months ago that they dated in her teens and that he was her first sexual partner, but they kept their relationship quite. She is back here visiting family and friends at the moment & i catch my him staring her all the time, he always near her & when she does something 'silly' he keeps telling her she adorable its like he's so happy shes back. When i talk to him about her he gets very aggravated about it. My MIL adores her and she is such a outgoing person and my husband never lets say anything about her, she was always a very popular girl and has many friends. She is a professional dancer, When she is dancing with family/friends at a party my husband just stands or sits there watching her and always has a certain look in his eye, He barely touches me anymore, Yesterday i overheard his male best friend asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday he 'joked' that he wanted a marriage & non-stop sex sessions with her. When we all went out for dinner she was in a dress and im surprised my hubby could control himself, he kept smiling at her and standing almost on top of her at, when she would walk past him i could clearly see him checking out her ***. When we had sex that night im convinced he was thinking about her. She's so nice to me which makes it hard for me to really hate her, She always involves me with her girlfriends etc. My hubby got very drunk over the weekend and i overheard him say to his friends that 'he may get a divorce'. Any advice on how i deal with this?

[Sunlight72]

Please, please people. For the love of all things holy, if you want us to read what you write, use Paragraphs.

 

I tried, but went cross-eyed before finishing.

 

Better luck next time.

[Janesays]

Yes, time to call it quits. You're better off without him.

[pteromom]

I would lay this all out in front of your husband and see how he responds. Tell him you overheard him saying he may get a divorce. Tell him you heard him say he wanted a marriage and non-stop sex with your dancer friend.

 

See what he says.

 

Go from there.

[pink_sugar]

The fact that he is getting drunk shouting this to his friends says a lot about him and his disrespect towards you. Him and the other girl is a bad sign, these are all bad signs.

[Gotti25]

please dump this bastard you deserve better! I am very upset reading this! Do not waste anymore years with this *******. This is border line disrespectful he is a doushbag! Good luck

[darkmoon]

he's vain - but the girl has no interest in him

am not saying don't dump him

but he's is a bit vain imho

[TigerCub]

Balire I am so sorry for what this must be doing to you.

 

Your husband doesn't appreciate what he has and if he wants to go on longing for this girl that he may never be with let him - just don't be the place holder for a companion, for a sexual partner, for a partner.

 

You say that the girl is so nice and it makes it hard for you to hate her. I know you feel intimidated by her, but she's not the one to hate, she just is who she is and you should hate how your husband treats you and makes you feel. You should hate the amount of disrespect he's showing you.

 

I understand that its normal for our partners to find others attractive, but to actually say the things he's said and to actually blatantly eye **** her like that AND right in front of you shows how little he cares about your feelings.

 

Don't be the 2nd prize place holder. Don't be in a relationship where you don't feel loved and where your partner is lusting and pining away after someone else.

 

**HUGS**

[the ill-made knight]

You have one option- to call him out on his behavior. All of it. Tell him the things you've overheard, how you've noticed him looking at her, etc. Tell him how inappropriate it is and how it makes you feel. Tell him either you are everything to him or nothing.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think you are going to get the response you want from this man.

[whichwayisup]

My hubby got very drunk over the weekend and i overheard him say to his friends that 'he may get a divorce'. Any advice on how i deal with this?

My first instinct when reading this is for you to never show your husband how you feel inside as he'll use it against you and make you feel worse. Put the walls up and tell him, "I overheard tell your friends that you want a divorce. Funny thing is, I was thinking the exact same thing. So, I'm going to a lawyer today."

[MissBee]

I am 31 and married my husband in 3yrs ago after 4 years of dating and i am so happy, my husband is 32.He has known this certain female friend of his for 18yrs and she is 26 and i feel very intimidated by her, they have a lot of mutual friends, she is so beautiful looking and almost all my husbands friends say they have a thing for her. When my husband found out she was engaged he became very pissed off with everybody and would turn on me for the littlest things, her engagement has since ended. I've always sensed off him that he had feelings for her when we dated, they were very close until she moved away to be with her fiance. My husband confessed to me 3 months ago that they dated in her teens and that he was her first sexual partner, but they kept their relationship quite. She is back here visiting family and friends at the moment & i catch my him staring her all the time, he always near her & when she does something 'silly' he keeps telling her she adorable its like he's so happy shes back. When i talk to him about her he gets very aggravated about it. My MIL adores her and she is such a outgoing person and my husband never lets say anything about her, she was always a very popular girl and has many friends. She is a professional dancer, When she is dancing with family/friends at a party my husband just stands or sits there watching her and always has a certain look in his eye, He barely touches me anymore, Yesterday i overheard his male best friend asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday he 'joked' that he wanted a marriage & non-stop sex sessions with her. When we all went out for dinner she was in a dress and im surprised my hubby could control himself, he kept smiling at her and standing almost on top of her at, when she would walk past him i could clearly see him checking out her ***. When we had sex that night im convinced he was thinking about her. She's so nice to me which makes it hard for me to really hate her, She always involves me with her girlfriends etc. My hubby got very drunk over the weekend and i overheard him say to his friends that 'he may get a divorce'. Any advice on how i deal with this?

 

How did you and your husband end up marrying?

 

Have you ever felt like he was completely in love with you? Not if you completely love him, but did you feel like he was head over heels for you? Just trying to get a sense of how you got together and if from ever since it's been a case that he was never that into you or where you felt lucky to be with him, but he didn't act like he felt that way about you or if this is a new thing.

 

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I have no idea how you've dealt with this as I can't imagine a boyfriend, much less a husband, OPENLY expressing such feelings and desires for his "friend" and me witnessing so many different cases of it and I'm still in the relationship. Have you ever brought it up? My truthful opinion is that, if your husband is in love with this woman and is behaving like this, maybe you'll never measure up and maybe you two should part ways. I do think some marriages can/should be worked on but in this case he seems blatantly disrespectful. It doesn't seem like you two are a good match and it doesn't seem like you communicate...it seems like all these things are things you overhear him saying and you WATCH him do them, but you don't ever say anything. I can't imagine not saying anything about it. Why haven't you said anything about it? Are you afraid of his reaction?

 

Perhaps marriage counseling is in order to see if your marriage is worth saving or not. Perhaps individual counseling would also help you to address your communication and why you're with a man who makes you feel inferior. IMO, if you're married to a man, or even dating him in a committed relationship, while I'm sure he will look at other women and find them attractive, you should feel like you're the one he wants and you should be confident that he's with you because you're the bees' knees to him! You should never have case after case of witnessing him expressing more interest and desire for someone else and certainly you should never be having sex and thinking you're sure he was fantasizing about another woman. That is so damaging to your self-esteem. A lot is going on here and I suggest individual and marriage counseling to see if this man is just an a-hole you should've NEVER married or if it's something you can repair.

Edited August 30, 2012 by MissBee