Eagle55 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Well if you look back at my older post you can get a detailed version of my story. To sum it up quickly, me and my ex dated for a little over 2 years. Had a healthy, mature, good relationship. I fell into a bad routine of laziness, not making things special, and basically taking her for granted. Over time she started acting different (didn't see it at the time)...like I said I was taking her for granted. I by no means treated her badly she just basically didn't feel the spark and questioned our love for probably 2 months or longer. One weekend she stated she wasn't happy and didn't know if she was in love or felt the same way, etc. I was shocked and felt blindsided. I did everything to try to keep it together not realizing she had been thinking about this for some time and had a wall up. So after a few shaky weeks where I tried to fix it...I went NC for my own good to mainly address the problems and work on ME. During this time it gave her space and I found the fun/entertaining self I was when we first met...didn't realized I had changed so much. So after 5 weeks of NC I called to just see how she was and small talk. The conversation lasted a few minutes and the topics were all good. I ended the call and told her not to forget we were playing a show in town (manage a band) and everyone would love to see her (we have a lot of mutual friends). I mainly did this of course because I know if she was around me she would see the changes I have made physically and more important mentally. I am not needy or desperate for her but over the break I realized I did still want her...I had even been open to new things and had dated some. She had recently been hanging out with one of my friends g/f's who just moved to town (she really had no other friends than mine). So I knew that couple was coming and I didn't want it to be awkward if she wanted to come. Anyways, she said Yea I might do that. I meant no harm or wasn't being pushy. My strategy to get her back was to realize that right now she doesn't want me back and I have to put myself in position where she can see the changes. She didn't show up to the show and I didn't take it to heart but the couple she had been hanging out with relentlessly was there. So yesterday I texted her just to keep communication open basically asking how her day was. I got nothing...I am confused because it isn't like I am trying to date her or anything. She even stated earlier that once I am okay she would love for us to be able to talk. I don't want to be friends but I know I would have to slowly earn her trust back. I want to start a new relationship not fix the old...the old addressed the problems. Anyways, I called my friend that is in the couple she hangs out with and he basically told me that she has been dating from what he heard and that she was thinking about coming to the show until I called. I do love her and ultimately want to be with her but I am not trying to date her. I know she may think if she comes it may feel like she was leading me on but that wouldn't be the case. I know she isn't interested now because why should she if she thinks I am the same person...she hasn't been around me. However, her assuming that I am trying to get with her without knowing and telling me we would be okay rubbed me the wrong way. It looks like I need to step back and just leave her alone until she contacts...I am going to continue improving me. Also, I am thinking of writing her a message and stating that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because that wasn't my intention and I got the vibe that's how she took it. I basically want to show her i'm over the break up and reverse the role of her thinking I'm there whenever she wants. Until she realizes I may be gone or is around me is when she could even possibly consider reaching out to me. I can elaborate more if needed. Answers appreciated!
M30USA Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 According to Dr. Gray, author of the famous book about Mars and Venus, men lose their vital energy if they remain close to a woman for too long. Women by nature receive vital energy from men--in the form of physical help, emotional attention, etc. A man has to hide in his cave every now and then or he becomes a dead lifeless blob. Women who don't understand this and resent men who do this only make matters worse and don't understand how men operate.
Author Eagle55 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 According to Dr. Gray, author of the famous book about Mars and Venus, men lose their vital energy if they remain close to a woman for too long. Women by nature receive vital energy from men--in the form of physical help, emotional attention, etc. A man has to hide in his cave every now and then or he becomes a dead lifeless blob. Women who don't understand this and resent men who do this only make matters worse and don't understand how men operate. I can see that. Any thoughts on what to do other than leave her alone? Send the letter explaining I am over the breakup, or what?
lil hoodlum Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I can see that. Any thoughts on what to do other than leave her alone? Send the letter explaining I am over the breakup, or what? If you don't want to be the cool confident guy, go ahead and send the letter!! I think you are trying to hard.
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