Does your pride ruin dating opportunities?

[MrCastle]

Let's say you and a guy/gal you fancy are really hitting it off. Both of you are showing interest and everything goes smoothly. Of course, this doesn't last, and the person goes cold.

 

Do you let them slip through the cracks just like that? Under the belief that "if they were truly interested they would contact me", or do you try to salvage it in the event that that person is playing the same waiting game you are?

 

I'm sure my pride/stubbornness has ruined situations where if I stuck around long enough, I could have made something doing. I could have swallowed my pride and said "screw it, I'll initiate contact", and try and reignite the fire, but more often than not I just say "they don't want to contact me? **** them then"

 

Although, a part of me is always curious as to why some people just go cold for no reason, and ruin the good thing we had going.

[Titanwolf]

In short, yes. Pride is a character flaw to our degree, but I don't think it's something we can change. I don't think I could surrender my pride and it's led to a lot of misunderstanding in the past. However, I'd rather be too prideful than too clingy and "disposable".

[KungFuJoe]

Nope. I don't play games with my emotions or feelings. And I expect my partner to be the same way. Girls that play the waiting game...will be waiting a VERY long time when it comes to me. Been there, done that.

 

If they go cold...it wasn't that good to begin with.

[MrCastle]

 

If they go cold...it wasn't that good to begin with.

 

Interesting. My belief is some (immature) girls test this out to see if you'll chase them. It's a risky play. I don't think some girls realize what a risk that is. Why play those kinds of games? I really don't have any explanation for why your chemistry can be boiling hot, then go straight to cold, with no reason?

[threebyfate]

Although, a part of me is always curious as to why some people just go cold for no reason, and ruin the good thing we had going.

You need to amend this to read "people just go cold for no discernible reason".

 

The vibe I get from you is that you're not real with people.

[MrCastle]

 

The vibe I get from you is that you're not real with people.

 

In what way?

[threebyfate]

In what way?

There's an element of "fake it 'til you make it". As a guess, you're more internally sensitive than you show.

[KungFuJoe]

Interesting. My belief is some (immature) girls test this out to see if you'll chase them. It's a risky play. I don't think some girls realize what a risk that is. Why play those kinds of games? I really don't have any explanation for why your chemistry can be boiling hot, then go straight to cold, with no reason?

 

You just answered your own question.

 

Immature.

[Greznog]

Sure, I can't stand games. Outside of dating nobody ever pulls this kind of nonsense.

[MrCastle]

As a guess, you're more internally sensitive than you show.

 

Can't that be said for everyone?

 

You always have to keep your emotions in check.

 

If you and someone you work with, someone you feel isn't as hard a worker as you go for a promotion, and they get it--you congratulate them, you don't say "I think management messed up giving you that promotion, I'm a harder worker than you and I deserved that job."

 

You never tell someone how you're really feeling because that can scare people away or turn them off to you. Unless of course you're in a long term relationship where you (should) share everything.

 

But what does that have to do with the topic at hand? I'm talking about when you and someone hit it off, and then out of nowhere they go cold. Do you pursue them or does your pride prevent you from doing so? Internalizing/hiding your feelings have nothing to do with this, as far as I'm concerned.

[yongyong]

I understand, as a guy I have to bend over bit for a sake of pussy.

 

But I won't lower my pride (eg: she is done if she flakes out twice) because it won't make it any better.

[Titanwolf]

I understand, as a guy I have to bend over bit for a sake of pussy.

I'm going to be honest here. I am so glad I never have, nor ever will have to pull down my pants and bend over, for the sake of this legendary "pussy" I've heard so much about.

[ThaWholigan]

To an extent it has. I've never been completely comfortable with the idea of dating while I'm still somewhat dependent, and as such, I probably have been less enthusiastic in getting dates as opposed to simply connecting with women.

[KungFuJoe]

I'm going to be honest here. I am so glad I never have, nor ever will have to pull down my pants and bend over, for the sake of this legendary "pussy" I've heard so much about.

 

Same here.

 

But I have made a few girls bend over for my "world renowned" penis.

 

Oh wait we were taking figuratively not literally. My bad.

[yongyong]

pulling down your pants and bending over is for homo sex.

 

anyways, you sound like 'trying hard alpha male'

 

what would you do in this situation.

 

She flakes out on first date. would you bend over bit by saying no worries or will you stop talking to her? (if a guy does that, there is a good chance you won't see her again since American women put their ego first before cocks)

 

She ignores your txts sometimes and responds it late. Will you just walk away?

 

She tells you she is busy this weekend and maybe she could hangout next weekend. she asks you to contact her to check availability. would you listen to her instruction?

 

 

 

 

 

I'm going to be honest here. I am so glad I never have, nor ever will have to pull down my pants and bend over, for the sake of this legendary "pussy" I've heard so much about.

[threebyfate]

Can't that be said for everyone?

 

You always have to keep your emotions in check.

 

If you and someone you work with, someone you feel isn't as hard a worker as you go for a promotion, and they get it--you congratulate them, you don't say "I think management messed up giving you that promotion, I'm a harder worker than you and I deserved that job."

 

You never tell someone how you're really feeling because that can scare people away or turn them off to you. Unless of course you're in a long term relationship where you (should) share everything.

 

But what does that have to do with the topic at hand? I'm talking about when you and someone hit it off, and then out of nowhere they go cold. Do you pursue them or does your pride prevent you from doing so? Internalizing/hiding your feelings have nothing to do with this, as far as I'm concerned.

Work and personal relationships aren't the same. You're obligated to maintain the peace in a work environment, adhering to corporate protocol. When you're attempting to connect with someone, what's the use of dissembling, particularly if it's obvious that you're being inauthentic? Even if you're not obvious, what an absolute waste of time to veneer, since after your good behaviour period has expired and you remove the mask, there's bound to be disappointment and potentially a break up.

[MrCastle]

Work and personal relationships aren't the same. You're obligated to maintain the peace in a work environment, adhering to corporate protocol. When you're attempting to connect with someone, what's the use of dissembling, particularly if it's obvious that you're being inauthentic? Even if you're not obvious, what an absolute waste of time to veneer, since after your good behaviour period has expired and you remove the mask, there's bound to be disappointment and potentially a break up.

 

Again though, what does any of this have to do with 1.) The thread subject 2.) Me "faking it till I make it"

[threebyfate]

Again though, what does any of this have to do with 1.) The thread subject 2.) Me "faking it till I make it"

Within your OP, you expressed concern about people going "cold" for no reason. I've given you my subjective view of why they might. In ignoring that view, it won't change the dynamic that creates your difficulties with needing to wrap self in pride.

[MrCastle]

Within your OP, you expressed concern about people going "cold" for no reason. I've given you my subjective view of why they might. In ignoring that view, it won't change the dynamic that creates your difficulties with needing to wrap self in pride.

 

Why might they go cold? I'll give you my most recent experience, online.

 

 

Me: Funny opener

 

Her: Laughs, replies

 

Me: Continuing convo

 

Her: Answering back in long paragraphs, asking me questions

 

Me: Answering questions, asking my own.

 

Her: "What is your major?"

 

Me: Journalism, I actually got the school to agree to start a magazine, and I'm gonna be the editor in chief.

 

Her: Wow! I'm very impressed! What school is this?

 

Me: (Name of school) So, what about you, do you like teaching? (She said she's a teacher in her profile)

 

Her: (No answer)

 

 

 

Why did she go cold without explanation? If she wasn't feeling me, why answer back at all. If you answer, why keep the convo going with lengthy paragraphs and questions, why not give me short answers so I get the hint?

 

Again, what does any of that have to do with me putting on a facade? We were clicking, and then we weren't. That simple.

[KungFuJoe]

Why might they go cold? I'll give you my most recent experience, online.

 

 

Me: Funny opener

 

Her: Laughs, replies

 

Me: Continuing convo

 

Her: Answering back in long paragraphs, asking me questions

 

Me: Answering questions, asking my own.

 

Her: "What is your major?"

 

Me: Journalism, I actually got the school to agree to start a magazine, and I'm gonna be the editor in chief.

 

Her: Wow! I'm very impressed! What school is this?

 

Me: (Name of school) So, what about you, do you like teaching? (She said she's a teacher in her profile)

 

Her: (No answer)

 

 

 

Why did she go cold without explanation? If she wasn't feeling me, why answer back at all. If you answer, why keep the convo going with lengthy paragraphs and questions, why not give me short answers so I get the hint?

 

Again, what does any of that have to do with me putting on a facade? We were clicking, and then we weren't. That simple.

 

Dude you had a ten minute ONLINE convo. YOU might have thought you were clicking...she was burning time until her lunch break.

[threebyfate]

Oh, so this was probably on an online dating site. Major superficial medium, full of flakes. Good luck.

[MrCastle]

Dude you had a ten minute ONLINE convo. YOU might have thought you were clicking...she was burning time until her lunch break.

 

But why answer at all? If you're not interested there is a very simple answer for that; don't reply to begin with.

 

Oh, so this was probably on an online dating site. Major superficial medium, full of flakes. Good luck.

 

That was one example. There have been several real world ones with the same premise and ending. One girl was super into me, initiating contact, always flirty answers, then one day, boom. I texted her a hello when we were on really, really good terms, she never replied. I haven't heard from her in a month.

[threebyfate]

How far do you run game?

[KungFuJoe]

But why answer at all? If you're not interested there is a very simple answer for that; don't reply to begin with.

 

 

 

That was one example. There have been several real world ones with the same premise and ending. One girl was super into me, initiating contact, always flirty answers, then one day, boom. I texted her a hello when we were on really, really good terms, she never replied. I haven't heard from her in a month.

 

For your first question...I don't know why she answered, responded, then stopped. Too many possible answers and it really isn't worth your time to try and figure out why.

 

For your offline example...again, I don't have enough info, but one possible explanation is that she was seeing someone else at the same time she was seeing you, it got serious with the other guy and she didn't want to complicate things and figured it would be best to just ignore you. It's kind of a BS thing to do...but even I've done that a couple times when I was younger...sometimes you just don't want to bother with any drama.

[MrCastle]

How far do you run game?

 

Far in terms of?