J.bunny Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wasn't happy in the relationship and apparently hadn't been for a while. He explained he needs time and space to figure out what he wants and told me not to wait around for him as he doesn't know what will happen in the future. But yet says he could wake up one morning and want me back. He claims he wants to be alone as opposed to "single" and going out meeting other girls (but I am very aware this could all be bull****). I love him and of course want him back in my life but wasn't prepared to be with someone who wasn't happy so I told him not to feel bad. That he needs to do whats best for him right now and told him I hope he finds what he's looking for and makes whatever improvements he needed to make in order to be happy. However, he keeps texting me saying he feels bad for hurting me because I don't deserve it. He tells me not to blame myself-as I did everything and more. It's just him. He tells me he wants to be friends (and wants to go on our holiday in January as friends). I am in two minds. I want to be there for him if he is genuinely unhappy with his life right now but at the same time don't want to be his emotional crutch. I am his biggest supporter and genuinely want the best for him but I feel he doesn't know what he wants. We have arranged to meet in a few weeks to discuss what to do about our holiday and get some stuff from each others places so would having no contact make that an awkward meeting? I know it sounds naive and stupid but I believe in love and hope that he realises he misses me and that we can be happy together. So in that sense I fear replying to his texts will not give him the opportunity to miss me but I don't want him to forget me either. I am also aware that he may never want me back and that thought is very difficult to imagine. I'm just so confused. Do I leave him face his demons on his own and start trying to cope with him not being in my life anymore. Do I go on this holiday or will I be expecting us to fall into each others arms and end up heartbroken?
Mike_d Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 take some time and read through posts here on the site, lots of info that would apply look for people discussing : breadcrumbs, not being a 2nd choice, "I need space" he won't forget you after 4 years, and yes you absolutely give him all the space in the world, and you begin to work on you. he's told you that he doesn't want you, you have the message 1
Author J.bunny Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Wow...you are so right. I have constantly been thinking of how I can help him and never realised I need to help myself first. He doesn't want me and that's his loss whether he sees it or not. Thank you
Appleness Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 And PLEASE don't go on this holiday! I've been there J.bunny and trust me, it will absolutely kill you when he flirts with everything in a skirt then turn to look at you with puppy-dog eyes and say, "but we're friends, right?" It's been four year. I don't care what anyone says. 70% of my friends are guys and trust me, no guy stays with a girl for longer than a year if they think she's ugly or bad in bed or not up to par with what they want. Plain and simple, he got bored and tossed you out. Then he felt guilty. Do yourself and favor and when he brings up going on this trip: look him dead in the eyes, smile sweetly and say "oh, I don't think I'll be going. I have something better lined up" and walk away. Do not turn back because you'll be tempted to pick his chin up off the ground. If he wants to be alone, then you let him. Good luck
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