KungFuJoe Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Single parents have a nasty connotation in my country and social circle. Many ppl still remember that the only ones who got divorced were the ones with serious problems. For me, it's a major dealbreaker, because of this. I would make an exception only for a single mom who's husband died [family friend who was in this situation]. Also, who was good at supporting her child/children [and didn't need me]. And who also understood that if it works out, i need to be gradually allowed to parent her child. Needless to say, many single moms over here are quite bitter. The most bitter ones are the ones who had husbands go to work abroad and file for divorce there [there are some]. You make a lot of exceptions for a "major" deal breaker.
Radu Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Nobody can accuse you of having a silky tongue ... major means to me, something that is alone can be a dealbreaker. If it's not major, it's a dealbreaker but less important one ... english is not my first language. I'm basically excluding those that divorced of their own volition [women]. Trials are a matter of public record, and i have lawyer friends and family members, and in our system those are tied with the police, so you can find a lot of interesting data on who you date if they went through this.
KungFuJoe Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Nobody can accuse you of having a silky tongue ... major means to me, something that is alone can be a dealbreaker. If it's not major, it's a dealbreaker but less important one ... english is not my first language. I'm basically excluding those that divorced of their own volition [women]. Trials are a matter of public record, and i have lawyer friends and family members, and in our system those are tied with the police, so you can find a lot of interesting data on who you date if they went through this. What's wrong with divorce?
It's Just Me Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 When I was dating, I didn't care if the guy had kids or not. What I DID care about was the nature of his relationship with the mother of his children, if he had kids. If it was a tense, bitter, combative situation, I was gone. If it was kid-focused, organized, cordial and drama-free, great. Under those circumstances, and if things progressed, I loved meeting the kids and being a kid myself, all over again. I am currently in a serious LTR with a man who has two boys (13 and 11) and they are a hoot. I love them (and their dad) to bits. Yes, the whole scheduling thing is interesting, especially if they're little, but that's fine. I am very flexible, and since I've none of my own, not a big deal. In the old days, I just considered those days my scheduled 'me' time, or time with my friends. All that to say... if you keep an open mind, and if you're with someone that you really like right out the gate, nothing is complicated. It all flows. 1
SushiX Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 No, never dated single mom and this may sound selfish, but I would just use her for sex and I'm sure many guys would too, but they won't admit it. It's just too much baggage. Better to just toot it and boot it.
ascendotum Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Needless to say, many single moms over here are quite bitter. The most bitter ones are the ones who had husbands go to work abroad and file for divorce there [there are some]. There's plenty of bitter 'doing it all on their own' single moms in other countries, though it depends to an extent on who pulled the plug on the relationship. I see a lot of relationships break up within a few years of having kids. Anyway, the reason for this post, is I was curious about your comment on husbands filing for divorce overseas. How does filing for divorce in another country make it any worse for the woman? Is it a case that it generally means their men have been banging foreign women and have a new lover + a new life in a better country already lined up?
Titania22 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 There's plenty of bitter 'doing it all on their own' single moms in other countries, though it depends to an extent on who pulled the plug on the relationship. I see a lot of relationships break up within a few years of having kids. Anyway, the reason for this post, is I was curious about your comment on husbands filing for divorce overseas. How does filing for divorce in another country make it any worse for the woman? Is it a case that it generally means their men have been banging foreign women and have a new lover + a new life in a better country already lined up? I think it might be due to dodging the child support payments. 1
Radu Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 What's wrong with divorce? Read my initial post in the thread again. Divorce produces single parents. A single parent is not the same thing as a single person. They have different priorities and responsabilities. They need to be treated as different things. ascendotum. This used to be a country of 22m ppl. Now it's down to a tad over 19m. In the last decade, close to 4-5m ppl [whole families in many instances] have left it. Before we joined the EU, a lot of men [and women] left their families to work abroad, to make better money. This turned many relationships into LDR's. Over here, before '89 and still to this day in some areas, divorce is a dirty word ... it's linked to having 'no morals'. Those that left for the West to work, who ended in LDR's also got a taste of Western values and had the societal pressure removed from them. So then, divorces followed. It's a well known fact that there is a 50% or better chance for the man/woman who goes abroad for long periods of time, to want a divorce. This had a double effect. Those that stayed at home [men or women but i'm only concerned with women], felt betrayed ... he stayed there when he got a better job, he sent less money home, he betrayed her ... abandoned child. This made a number of bitter divorced women, the ones that hate men. Keep in mind that in most societies, it is men who approach women, so in a way, men do rebound a little faster or have better options to rebound in this situation. And also, their children were raised for extended periods of time without fathers. I saw this in females i knew, i saw the effect of it. So i am weary of dating either a divorced women here, or the girl who grew up in a broken home. The West might not understand this, because you had this happen [the divorce rate increase] in the 60's, we had this happen 3 decades later. Our society has yet to adapt, and i doubt it will adapt as fast. Lots of girls with daddy issues today in this country because of this, and men who just pump and dump. titania, you are partially right. Most of the ones who work abroad do so under the radar, without papers. There is no wage to dock. So the one staying at home [man or woman], is at the mercy of the one abroad.
Silly_Girl Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I've done dating and OLD as a single mum. I say I'm a catch! I think it depends on the individual in question, and your own tolerance/preference. I have a self-sufficient teenager who I enjoy socialising with, so he often joins my boyfriend and I for dinner out, cinema etc. that's not something all men would be up for, and that's fine by me. We still get lots of alonetime and it makes for an easy, relaxed atmosphere at home. Interestingly I prefer men without children. I did the step-mum thing for 8 years and it was heart-breaking for many reasons. I would NEVER disregard someone for having children but it wouldn't be something I'd seek out.
Recommended Posts