simpsonic Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Are there any of you who have dated or are currently dating a single parent? If so, what was/is it like? To those who haven't, would you consider it? Why or why not? 1
WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I would if I really liked the guy and he had no interest in more kids. as I never want to have any
CarrieT Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am dating a man who has 50% custody of three children. Does that count - he is definitely more than just a weekend Dad...
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I've never dated a single parent (I'm 40), not sure whether I would, maybe when his kids were older. I don't think I'd date a men with small children, I never wanted kids myself so probably wouldn't have the patience for someone else's. There is the issue of the ex being present in his life but I think that's only the issue initially, after a couple of years in most cases both move on I'd imagine.
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I have in the past. I guess I would again if someone really piqued my interest, but at this point, I just have to say no, I would not date a single parent again. It just was more than I wanted to deal with honestly.
somedude81 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I'm definitely not ready to date a single mom.
EasyHeart Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 It's like dating any other person, except that you have to accept that the kids always should come first. If you're okay with that, then it shouldn't be a problem. If you're not (or you're not comfortable with kids) then you shouldn't start something with a single parent. Of course, a lot depends on the age of the kids, too: if the kids are 5 and 7 they need a lot more attention than 15 and 17. I guess the best way to look at it is that dating a single parent is a package deal. Accept that or look elsewhere.
wow04 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am a single parent of 4 kids. I have my oldest all the time as she doesn't see her dad. My younger 3, I have 50/50 custody. My boyfriend has 3 kids. His oldest is 18 with her own family. His youngest 2 we get every other weekend. I think what makes it work is we sat down and discussed things. We have open communication. I handle my kids and he handles his. I know his kids come before me and my kids come before him. It will only work if both are willing to discuss things and work at it.
weallfalldown Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 it's hard work....people that have kids including myself are all thrown into a very heavy situation early on...unlike the typical courting with just the two of you...........unfort it's the least lasting type of relationship........not only do you have to tolerate children, but the other parent too....so unless your tolerant, understanding and patient.....call it a day.
KungFuJoe Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 It depends...I have both dated a woman with a child and ended up marrying another one who had a son (and we are very happily married for over 10 years and I have two daughters of my own with her). It really comes down to who she is. But, that being said, there are a few things to consider: - You won't be able to just up and go out whenever you want. I was lucky in that she lived across the street from me and her parents were always willing to babysit at the drop of a hat so we could pretty much do what we wanted when we wanted. - If the child is a boy, you WILL have to compete for her attention...and he will usually come first...so this is just something to be aware of. - You might wonder if she's just with you because no one else stuck around or that she just sees you as a father for her child and someone to take care of her. This is a difficult matter and really relies on your own intuition and knowing what kind of person she is. In my situation, I had the benefit of knowing the girl before she was married and had her son and I knew she liked and wanted to be with me (just the situation at the time didn't allow for it) so I never had to worry about how she really felt about me. But I guarantee that will cross your mind. - If you get serious and start talking about living together or even marriage...it's IMMEDIATE family...ready or not. There are considerations about living space, finances, etc. Do you have to help the child with basic needs...is she going to leave him/her with you while she goes shopping or out with friends? If the child goes to school is she going to expect you to drop off/pick up the child from school? My wife, not once, ever expected or needed me to lift a finger to help her with her son. Of course, I did help raise him...not because I felt obligated to...but because I wanted to. BIG difference. Last, but not least, you better be a VERY mature person to be able to handle it. But the fact that you're asking shows that you probably have a good maturity level.
yongyong Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Do you see single girls in 20's dating single dad? maybe not. do you see single guys in 20's banging single moms? totally. Single mom is like a transfer station. your goal is going to a final destination (single girl in 20s) while enjoying a hospitality from a single mom (food, sex, possibly more)
KungFuJoe Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Do you see single girls in 20's dating single dad? maybe not. do you see single guys in 20's banging single moms? totally. Single mom is like a transfer station. your goal is going to a final destination (single girl in 20s) while enjoying a hospitality from a single mom (food, sex, possibly more) LOL. So says the virgin. 4
Greznog Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I would never date a single mom, I'd bang one sure, but I'd never date one. 1
Negative Nancy Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) To those who haven't, would you consider it? No, I wouldn't. Not because of the kid, but because of the special role that the mother would always play in their lives. They would literally be bonded forever by the kid, and I wouldn't want to deal with a permanent third person in the relationship, so to speak. Besides, I have heard of nerve-wrecking stories where the mother gets jealous of the new partner and uses the kid as a weapon, or makes the father's life (and subsequently the life of the new girlfriend of the father) a living hell. Thanks, but no thanks. I would also question the judgement of the father if he chose to have kids with a woman that he then broke up with. Or maybe she broke up with him; either way, both showed bad judgement in choosing a suitable partner. It's mostly about the bond with the mother, though. I just couldn't deal with that. As cruel as it sounds, maybe I would consider it (hypothetically, if I was single which I'm not and hopefully won't ever be again) if the father was a widower, so I could raise the kid as my own. That would be the only scenario which I would consider. Edited August 29, 2012 by Negative Nancy
Sunlight72 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I'm dating a single mother, and it's great It's great because she and I are really good together I like being with her, and in our case it works out that we enjoy time together and are able to see each other for about 1 to 4 hours most days, which we both like. Sometimes things change at the last minute, and that is alright with me. I own my own business, and sometimes (for instance) I can't leave the shop at 6 p.m. on Saturday night even though that's my closing time because someone is talking to me about a special order that could pay my rent for the month. She understands when I can't make it, and vice versa. She does not ask me to baby sit her two boys. I usually pay for her or (now that it's been 8 months) very occasionally for her and the boys to go out with me, but that is no issue for me, I like it It was intimidating at first. I'm 40 and have no children of my own. I was really concerned with how I might be 'messing with' her little family if we dated and then we broke up. She and I talked about this, and many other concerns as they came up, and we decided to feel our way along slowly. I met her boys after about 2 1/2 months (I'm introduced as a friend). Over time, I've begun developing a bit of a relationship with them, which is going fine too. The main thing is - be honest. If you are up front about who you are and what you want from a relationship, and stay honest and communicate easily and often, I think you'll be fine. Other than that, it depends hugely on you and the woman you date. Could be terrible, could be great! But, don't be too shy about a single mother based on her motherhood alone. 5
BassWalker Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Yes, I did when 19. She was a cashier at the mall, beautiful. I was like I have to date her. When I was trying to get her number she kept saying "Oh, you won't call me. That should been a red flag. I finally convinced her that I would call. I call her up and we hook up, and we got along good. Then all of sudden she doesn't answer my calls this goes on for about a week. Finally she calls me and says her ex is back in that picture and she has to talk to me. I'm not in a very good mood; we go and talk and then this is where she lays it out that she has kid with her ex and I didn't believe until she showed the pic. She thought I wouldn't be interested if she told me before. I told her that I can't deal with this and well that all she wrote. I'd much rather not date someone with kids but that's getting harder to do.
irin Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 sorry i know this judgemental of me. but theres nothing less attractive then a guy with kids at my age (21) unless hes in a committed R/Married. then cool im happy for you. just the fact that he was irresponsible enough to father kids is a big enough turn off.
carhill Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Are there any of you who have dated or are currently dating a single parent? If so, what was/is it like? To those who haven't, would you consider it? Why or why not? I dated/LTR'ed a number of single mothers, varying from one to three children, during the 20 or so years I was single before getting married. On balance, they were positive experiences. Surely, having children impinged somewhat on freedom and spontaneity and required some patience with the realities of parenthood but the ladies themselves appeared balanced and responsible. One of them, pictured in my albums here, was a mother and grandmother when I met her. I have no negative memories about the 'single parent' part of the experiences. My enjoyment of children probably contributes to that. YMMV.
soccerrprp Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Single parent with two beautiful, young children here! Mostly target and date other ladies with children as they "understand" and "appreciate" what I'm going through, but tough dating though. Finding sitters, finding time, etc. I've dated ladies w/o children, but try to focus on ladies with (a lot of more them in my age group).
FitChick Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I wouldn't date anyone with full custody. Someone with one or two teenagers (preferable boys so they wouldn't feel competitive with me) wouldn't be a problem since they have their own friends and lives.
Negative Nancy Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Yes, I did when 19. She was a cashier at the mall, beautiful. Of course. Another proof that men are willing to literally look past everything as long as the woman is good-looking. I doubt you would have "wanted to date her" if she had been an average plain jane with kids.
KungFuJoe Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Of course. Another proof that men are willing to literally look past everything as long as the woman is good-looking. I doubt you would have "wanted to date her" if she had been an average plain jane with kids. I wouldn't have wanted to date her if she was plain Jane, period.
irc333 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) I've never dated a single parent (I'm 40), not sure whether I would, maybe when his kids were older. I don't think I'd date a men with small children, I never wanted kids myself so probably wouldn't have the patience for someone else's. There is the issue of the ex being present in his life but I think that's only the issue initially, after a couple of years in most cases both move on I'd imagine. I'm 40, and I've come to the realization that I might have to include single moms in my dating pool, but usually under certain conditions: 1. They don't have full time custody of them. I'd prefer that the woman have the week/weekend off where she drops the kids off at the ex's, otherwise she'd never have time for dating. 2. I wouldn't date a single mom with kids that are too young, because they require attention all the time, at least in the teen years, they can use a microwave and make their own sandwich. lol 3. Combination of the above 4. Bad behavior/ spoiled brats Going back to the YOUNG kids, I had to deal with dating a single mom who had a kid who had a big social life. Her daughter was somewhat popular in her own middle school....so she kind of ferried her and her friends around in her SUV. It was the kids turn to be at the Ex's house, but the kid wanted to stay at the mom's place anyhow, becuase it had a public pool, and she wanted her friends to come over to play at the pool. So whever you're dealing with a single mother, you also have to deal with the scheduling of her kid's soccer practice, cub scouts, etc etc. YOUR dating life will be determined by her kids SOCIAL life. I knew of a single man, was dating this woman, but he kept being blown off for this very reason, then one weekend, he had the weekend off, but apparently she couldn't do anything with him, because she was busy playing "Den Mother" to a bunch of cubscouts on a camping trip. He suggested bringing his own tent , and joining them. That was a big "no no" to her, because it would give her kid the wrong impression. He made some kind of remark about her seeing other men behind his back and she got pissed off that she'd do no such thing, but she decided to end it, because he had a problem with her and her son's social life. Edited August 31, 2012 by irc333
kitkatz29 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I prefer not to date men with children, but in the last couple years I seem to be a target for them. I love kids, but dating a single father can sometimes be difficult. There's the fact that the mother will always be a part of that guy's life for one. Assuming the guy is a good father and is active in his child's life, it can make it more difficult for you to get together at times. And then there's the possibility that the guy may not want any more children, which can be a problem if that's something you want. If you are able to handle these things than it's really not so bad. I'm currently dating a man w/an 8yr old son. He's in his early 30's, and I am in my late 20's. He's actually divorced. We've been dating for a little over 3 months now. I have yet to meet his son, and he has yet to bring it up. I'm okay with waiting to meet his son until things get more serious and I think it shows he's a good father for not subjecting his son to every girl he happens to be dating. But b/c we aren't at that point where I can spend time w/him and his son together it really limits the amount of time we spend together. Which can be frustrating. But it's one of those things I can't complain about, b/c his son comes first. As he should. So again, what it really comes down to is how patient you are, and how willing you are to deal with everything that comes with dating a single parent.
Radu Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Single parents have a nasty connotation in my country and social circle. Many ppl still remember that the only ones who got divorced were the ones with serious problems. For me, it's a major dealbreaker, because of this. I would make an exception only for a single mom who's husband died [family friend who was in this situation]. Also, who was good at supporting her child/children [and didn't need me]. And who also understood that if it works out, i need to be gradually allowed to parent her child. Needless to say, many single moms over here are quite bitter. The most bitter ones are the ones who had husbands go to work abroad and file for divorce there [there are some].
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