lee124 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 This is a pretty long story but please i beg those who read this to give me some advice because i feel alone =/ This guy and i had been dating for 3 months now and everything was fine. Everything was good until his dad suddenly passed away due to cancer about the first month we were talking. He told me he still wanted to continue to date and apologized for his life being so hectic. I tried to be there as much i could and took him a card and a stuff bear just to show how much i cared for him and he really appreciated it. Within a couple of week things started going back to the way they were and we picked up where we left off. Then one day he told me he didnt think were going to work out because he had to get a second job because he had to help pay for the fathers funeral things. He said he wasnt going to have enough time to see me and talk to me because he would work from 8am-5pm monday through friday and then come home sleep and work from 11pm-4am. He said that we weren't going to workout because the time he was going to be able to do anything he was going to use that time to catch up on his sleep or check up on his mom. But after talking things thru we both agreed to try and make things work. We were doing a very good job until one day my brother told me he saw the guy i was dating with another girl. i asked him and he said it was him mom. i forgot about it and believed him. About a week later my co worker said he saw him out on the streets and i thought it was pretty weird because he was suppose to be at work. I asked him about it and he said that it wasnt him. Once again i believed him. I had forgotten about things and was finally accepting only talking to him only once a day for about 20mins or so and seeing him only 1 day out of the week because i really liked him. We were doing great and he told me he wanted to take me out to eat because we hadn't gone on a date in a while so we decided to go to lunch before i went to work. Everything went fine. The next day I woke up and i texted him saying good morning saying i couldnt wait to see him later on that day because he had promised me he was going to take me to go watch a movie. I went to work and finally about 30mins before i was going to get off he textes me saying he was going to go take his mom out to eat because he hadn't seen her in a while. I texted back saying okay thats fine and left things like that. Then my phone starts ringing like crazy so i answered it and it was my friend saying she saw him kissing another girl. I didnt know how to ask him because i knew any way i would approach the situation would end in a fight so i just ignored it and went to bed. The next day he texted me saying good morning like usual but what my friend had told me still bothered me and i knew i was going to have to tell him. I texted him asking if i was the only girl he was dating and he replied why i would even ask a dumb question like that. He then called me and we talked about it and he got very upset i told him once i got off of work i would go talk things out in person like adults to straighten things out. I got to his place and all we did was fight and go in circles for about 2 hrs and finally he told me that he just didnt wanna have the conversation anymore about me not trusting him and thinking he was dating girls other than myself. He said he was done and couldn't be with me anymore. I asked him if this is really what he wanted and he said NO but i honestly can not do this anymore, that he was exhausted and have had enough of me accusing him. I could tell in his eyes that he was lying and i asked him that he felt that he was going to regret this and he nodding his head yes. I stood there confused and told him i know that this is not the real reason he is ending this. Then he responded that if he told me the real reason then for sure we were going to be over for good and that things were never going to be the same. I begged him to tell me what he meant by that and then he explained to me that he is dying in 6-8 years due to a serious heart condition. He told me that its better for things to end now that later and he made me promise to attend his funeral. I told him that i really like him and dont want to lose him but he insisted that ending things was for the best so i left and cried myself to sleep. This morning he texted me saying that this was the last time i was ever going to hear from him and that he is sorry. He told me that the reason he is leaving me is because of me accusing him of cheating and not the fact that he is dying but i just don't know what to believe anymore. I texted back saying i am sorry for everything and that i will give him what he wants and leave him alone even though i think his reason is pretty childish and immature. I feel very confused and alone. I keep thinking about how i could have approached the situation differently, if i would have just kept my mouth shut he would still be here right now or if he is going to regret ending things with me and come back to me. I honestly dont know what to do because i like him so much. He was so different from all the other guys i have dated, he just made me feel complete. I have cried even though i know crying wont bring him back, but i just want to know why he gave up without even really trying. I really want to know what anyone has to say because i could really use the advice right now. thank you for reading, Heartbroken girl Ps If you are wondering why i am not calling him my ex its because when we first started talking before his dad passed he had asked me to be his girlfriend but i turned him down because i really wasn't sure if my feelings were strong enough to be in a relationship with him. He told me okay and that he would ask me in the near future again. The last night i saw him i asked him why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend if it had been 3 months. I told him he should be able to know if he wanted me to be his girlfriend or not by now. He told me that he didn't wanna get rejected twice? So we never really got the chance to be a official couple.
WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Well sometimes we do say/do things we regret but sadly, it can't be undone. Its impossible to tell if not saying it would of changed, this ending might of come at some point anyway. He seems shady. I think if you can't have a honest conversation like adults with someone like this, then its probably best you broke it off... trust is a big thing in a relationship and you were skeptical but obviously he was too. I'd say, as hard as it is, just try to keep moving forward. don't hate on yourself. Try to love yourself and find things to keep you happy. Maybe at some point he would miss you, maybe not, but don't sit around wondering.... whats meant to be, will always find a way. Don't worry about finding someone else right now.... just go about your life for yourelf and learn to be happy... when the time is right, another great guy will fall into your life and I am not one of those who believes, there is someone for everyone, so I wont tell you that... but IF you are meant to have someone, he will come and you will know. Until then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward.
Author lee124 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 thank you so much for reading and taking the time to help me cope. I believe everything you have said and take everything to heart. Thank you once again for making me feel better
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Funny thing, the last guy I dated never called me his gf even though we acted like a couple. No guy is ever afraid of rejection especially if it is a girl he really likes. My current boyfriend treats me with respect and it doesn't take me much to ask him to prove himself to me. In fact, he goes out of his way time and time again to show me how special I am to him. If a guy can't bother to give you his time and condescended you and makes you think you're the one with the issues, then he truly isn't the one for you. As I've said, no guy is ever truly too busy for you. The only *******s are the ones testing to see how much bull you're willing to take.
soccerrprp Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ps If you are wondering why i am not calling him my ex its because when we first started talking before his dad passed he had asked me to be his girlfriend but i turned him down because i really wasn't sure if my feelings were strong enough to be in a relationship with him. He told me okay and that he would ask me in the near future again. The last night i saw him i asked him why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend if it had been 3 months. I told him he should be able to know if he wanted me to be his girlfriend or not by now. He told me that he didn't wanna get rejected twice? So we never really got the chance to be a official couple. lee124, I am sorry you are feeling bad, but I just don't understand why you are baffled by his hesitation after this... You rejected him and now you are wondering why he didn't ask later. He was right to be hesitant. This is why guys get frustrated with the ladies. It seems too difficult to figure out what it is you ladies want... Again, my apologies and I hope you do make it through and find someone that you are more open to accept. Good luck.
TheFinalWord Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 This is a pretty long story but please i beg those who read this to give me some advice because i feel alone =/ This guy and i had been dating for 3 months now and everything was fine. Everything was good until his dad suddenly passed away due to cancer about the first month we were talking. He told me he still wanted to continue to date and apologized for his life being so hectic. I tried to be there as much i could and took him a card and a stuff bear just to show how much i cared for him and he really appreciated it. Within a couple of week things started going back to the way they were and we picked up where we left off. Then one day he told me he didnt think were going to work out because he had to get a second job because he had to help pay for the fathers funeral things. He said he wasnt going to have enough time to see me and talk to me because he would work from 8am-5pm monday through friday and then come home sleep and work from 11pm-4am. He said that we weren't going to workout because the time he was going to be able to do anything he was going to use that time to catch up on his sleep or check up on his mom. But after talking things thru we both agreed to try and make things work. We were doing a very good job until one day my brother told me he saw the guy i was dating with another girl. i asked him and he said it was him mom. i forgot about it and believed him. About a week later my co worker said he saw him out on the streets and i thought it was pretty weird because he was suppose to be at work. I asked him about it and he said that it wasnt him. Once again i believed him. I had forgotten about things and was finally accepting only talking to him only once a day for about 20mins or so and seeing him only 1 day out of the week because i really liked him. We were doing great and he told me he wanted to take me out to eat because we hadn't gone on a date in a while so we decided to go to lunch before i went to work. Everything went fine. The next day I woke up and i texted him saying good morning saying i couldnt wait to see him later on that day because he had promised me he was going to take me to go watch a movie. I went to work and finally about 30mins before i was going to get off he textes me saying he was going to go take his mom out to eat because he hadn't seen her in a while. I texted back saying okay thats fine and left things like that. Then my phone starts ringing like crazy so i answered it and it was my friend saying she saw him kissing another girl. I didnt know how to ask him because i knew any way i would approach the situation would end in a fight so i just ignored it and went to bed. The next day he texted me saying good morning like usual but what my friend had told me still bothered me and i knew i was going to have to tell him. I texted him asking if i was the only girl he was dating and he replied why i would even ask a dumb question like that. He then called me and we talked about it and he got very upset i told him once i got off of work i would go talk things out in person like adults to straighten things out. I got to his place and all we did was fight and go in circles for about 2 hrs and finally he told me that he just didnt wanna have the conversation anymore about me not trusting him and thinking he was dating girls other than myself. He said he was done and couldn't be with me anymore. I asked him if this is really what he wanted and he said NO but i honestly can not do this anymore, that he was exhausted and have had enough of me accusing him. I could tell in his eyes that he was lying and i asked him that he felt that he was going to regret this and he nodding his head yes. I stood there confused and told him i know that this is not the real reason he is ending this. Then he responded that if he told me the real reason then for sure we were going to be over for good and that things were never going to be the same. I begged him to tell me what he meant by that and then he explained to me that he is dying in 6-8 years due to a serious heart condition. He told me that its better for things to end now that later and he made me promise to attend his funeral. I told him that i really like him and dont want to lose him but he insisted that ending things was for the best so i left and cried myself to sleep. This morning he texted me saying that this was the last time i was ever going to hear from him and that he is sorry. He told me that the reason he is leaving me is because of me accusing him of cheating and not the fact that he is dying but i just don't know what to believe anymore. I texted back saying i am sorry for everything and that i will give him what he wants and leave him alone even though i think his reason is pretty childish and immature. I feel very confused and alone. I keep thinking about how i could have approached the situation differently, if i would have just kept my mouth shut he would still be here right now or if he is going to regret ending things with me and come back to me. I honestly dont know what to do because i like him so much. He was so different from all the other guys i have dated, he just made me feel complete. I have cried even though i know crying wont bring him back, but i just want to know why he gave up without even really trying. I really want to know what anyone has to say because i could really use the advice right now. thank you for reading, Heartbroken girl Ps If you are wondering why i am not calling him my ex its because when we first started talking before his dad passed he had asked me to be his girlfriend but i turned him down because i really wasn't sure if my feelings were strong enough to be in a relationship with him. He told me okay and that he would ask me in the near future again. The last night i saw him i asked him why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend if it had been 3 months. I told him he should be able to know if he wanted me to be his girlfriend or not by now. He told me that he didn't wanna get rejected twice? So we never really got the chance to be a official couple. Hi there lee124, So three separate people said they saw him with another girl? Just wanted to make sure I read that right. If you could kindly consider breaking up the text it would be helpful for us to read. Thank you Something is not right with this guy. If you get the sense you are being lied to and you have three separate people telling you they saw him with someone else, I think you have a right to feel a lack of trust. His excuses don't seem legitimate to me. Also things seemed very forced, ask me to be your gf at such and such a date, staying together when he said he had no time for you, he hangs out with his mom all the time (but you can't go?). I personally think he is trying to give you excuses without trying to look like the bad guy. Some people can't be straight forward. Sorry about that.
ChatroomHero Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 lee124, I am sorry you are feeling bad, but I just don't understand why you are baffled by his hesitation after this... You rejected him and now you are wondering why he didn't ask later. He was right to be hesitant. This is why guys get frustrated with the ladies. It seems too difficult to figure out what it is you ladies want... Again, my apologies and I hope you do make it through and find someone that you are more open to accept. Good luck. Yeah, this. I just read earlier a post from a woman wondering why a guy won't take a hint, then here's a guy that takes the hint and he is wrong too. That being said I think he obviously liked you but may feel you'll change your mind about him when you find someone better. When a woman rejects you and later shows interest, it can feel like she settled for you, or you wore her down and you're comfortable to her until she can find her first choice. It sounds like he started dating other people that might be more interested in him and just lied about it as an easy way out.
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