pablocruzer Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Hey everyone, I'm new to this site so hopefully I posted in the right forum and this isn't too lengthy... Basically, I met this girl, last year at my community college (she approached me at first) and we really hit it off and had a lot in common. Soon she was sitting next to me in all of my classes, which surprised me since for the most part she was shy and kept to herself. Somehow she got my number and we began texting. As the year progressed, we got closer and started to hang out off-campus. She would always compliment me and find places to be alone and hang out together in between classes. I thought things were moving in the right direction and I knew that there was this particular show that she wanted to see so I played it coy and casually mentioned it to her that I was going. Before I could even invite her, she told me I should take her so of course I did. We went and had a great time. It went well so that I invited her to a concert I was going to a few weeks later she said yes and again we had a lot of fun as well as a nice dinner. She even surprised me with matching T-shirts. Also, she talked about how she wanted to do all of these activities together in the future. A few days later I saw her at school and her attitude was like a complete 180. For the first time since I met her she visibly wasn’t happy to see me. I was kind of surprised since I thought we had ended our last night out together on a high note, although looking back I regret not making a move. Still though, I asked her if she’d like to catch the Avengers film with me over break. At first she didn’t answer and looked uncomfortable, but eventually mumbled something along the lines of, “Maybe, I have to check with work”. I took the hint and dropped it. A short time later though she abruptly got up and moved across the room from me and sat with her back to me before starting a phone conversation with a friend (she never acted like this before). I hung around for a little while but it was obvious I was getting the cold shoulder treatment. I was pretty bummed since I thought at the very least we were good friends, but figured that I’d just move on so I left. She reached out to me very soon after on the phone and asked me how I was doing. I asked her what was up and if I did something that offended her or made her uncomfortable for her to have that kind of reaction. She said no and was puzzled why I felt that way. She then assured me that she had fun and was just busy and stressed out. Deep down I didn’t really believe her but took her word for it. She continued to text me through the end of the semester, but it wasn’t the same. She’s texted me a couple of times this summer since we’ve been on break to say hi and to see how I was doing, Outside of replying to be polite, I’ve stopped texting her and we haven't hung out since to be honest I’m still a little confused and hurt. Although I don’t have much experience with women, I can usually tell when girls are interested and when they’re not and I really felt that she was interested. During the summer, I hung out with friends and focused on other things. I met other girls but didn’t really hit it off with any of them. The thing is I have to go back to school tomorrow and have a number of classes with her, including one that she told me she signed into over the summer so we could have it together. What should I do moving forward? Do you think she has/had any feelings for me? Did I misinterpret things? I’m not mad at her or anything and certainly respect her decision to do what she wants but I don’t really want to be as close as we were before if I have no chance to be with her since it could prevent me from meeting other girls. All my friends (men and women) keep telling me that I should try to rebuild our friendship and ask her out again (assuming she’s still single), but I don’t want to look like an idiot for getting shot down again. Any comments or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 She was probably waiting on you to make a move and you never did so she assumed that you just wanted to be friends. Either that or she started seeing someone. I'd think it was the former though. Why don't you just ask her on a date?
GLDheart Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 $hit or get off the pot. It fizzled out when you didn't take it to the next level.
Author pablocruzer Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 I really want to try again, but I just don't know what to do. I mean, we haven't talked in months so I think it would be awkward to just ask her out out of the blue. For all I know, she could have a boyfriend by now. If we hit it off in class again this year how long do you think I should wait before asking her out again. To be honest my biggest fear is getting shot down for a second time and then having to see her for the entire year.
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I would wait a week tops. You don't have to talk to a woman for ages before asking her out. When you wait forever and don't make a move we just assume you have no interest. Ask her on a date and make it clear that it is a date and that you are interested in her. If she rejects you, it's not the end of the world, but it sounds like this woman likes you.
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Ehh, I'm not really feeling the whole "sh*t or get off the pot" mentality. When a girl likes a guy, she likes him. And even if he didn't make a move, it wouldn't put her off THAT much to do the complete 180. It actually makes the girl want the guy more... the mentality of... "You want what you can't have." I'd say nothing went wrong between you two. I think you were enjoying each other's company, you two hit it off, doing things, etc... I think something completely unrelated happened. Maybe an ex came back into the picture and has started pulling her emotional strings. She's still reaching out to you... so it's clearly nothing you did. But the whole relationship aspect is completely gone. I'd guess more along the lines of someone else is in the picture.
SJC2008 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 In the future be very wary of women who come on to you/approach you first. They are more proactive so if they're not feeling it the'll be gone quicker than most women because they'll just approach another guy. Every women that has messaged me first online that I was interested in too didn't even lead to a date until this last one that led me on. It's possible you didn't make a move soon enough but who knows? I've gotten physical faster and it hasn't worked for me??
MrCastle Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I'm kind of in the same situation. This girl and I were all warm and fuzzy during the semester and for the first few weeks of summer vacation. Then she stopped contacting me and it's been about a month since I've heard from her. We start school next week. All my attraction to her has been effectively killed. Stupid thing is, we're in the same major, so odds are I'll be seeing her around. I don't know what your plan of attack is, but for me, all I can do is keep up with the pleasantries. Say hi if we run into each other and keep it moving. This goes back to my thread earlier this month about an attraction switch vs an attraction dial. I work on a switch, she turned my switch off. I'm done.
Author pablocruzer Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 I'm kind of in the same situation. This girl and I were all warm and fuzzy during the semester and for the first few weeks of summer vacation. Then she stopped contacting me and it's been about a month since I've heard from her. We start school next week. All my attraction to her has been effectively killed. Stupid thing is, we're in the same major, so odds are I'll be seeing her around. I don't know what your plan of attack is, but for me, all I can do is keep up with the pleasantries. Say hi if we run into each other and keep it moving. This goes back to my thread earlier this month about an attraction switch vs an attraction dial. I work on a switch, she turned my switch off. I'm done. Yeah, our stories do sound very similar and I'll be seeing her quite a bit as well. I'll just play it cool I guess, and distance myself since it doesn't seem that she's interested in me any more. Won't be rude or anything but at the same time just take a step back and be more of a casual friend like I am with many people there. Thanks for the input everyone, much appreciated.
KungFuJoe Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Op, What did you expect to happen? She was going to propose to you someday out of the blue? In all the times you went out did you ever try anything physical? A kiss, even? This girl is probably on LS starting a thread titled, "What is taking this guy so long to make a move?"
Author pablocruzer Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Op, What did you expect to happen? She was going to propose to you someday out of the blue? In all the times you went out did you ever try anything physical? A kiss, even? This girl is probably on LS starting a thread titled, "What is taking this guy so long to make a move?" Nope...I didnt want to move too quickly and scare her away (in hindsight I shouldve tried to speed things up...its just that everything seemed to be going well) We went on two official dates (I paid for everything). The first one I was getting over the flu which she was aware of, but no excuse on our second one I shouldve manned up and tried for a kiss. Still, do you really think not making a move on Date #2 is why she got turned off?
SJC2008 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Nope...I didnt want to move too quickly and scare her away (in hindsight I shouldve tried to speed things up...its just that everything seemed to be going well) We went on two official dates (I paid for everything). The first one I was getting over the flu which she was aware of, but no excuse on our second one I shouldve manned up and tried for a kiss. Still, do you really think not making a move on Date #2 is why she got turned off? It's hard to say. I made it to a 3rd date with one girl and didn't even try to kiss her until the 3rd and got the cheek lol. Like I also said the first time I kissed a woman on the 1st date I didn't get a second and the last girl I kissed on the first date and kissed her 4 times on the second and she's using the busy and back to school not looking for anything serious line. Mind you she knows I go to school and we're both busy and had already discussed it. That being said her profile is gone from the site so she's either telling the truth or met someone else oh well.
truth_seeker Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'd guess more along the lines of someone else is in the picture. I agree. Sounds like an ex or a new guy has her attention.
prettylittlethings Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Ehh, I'm not really feeling the whole "sh*t or get off the pot" mentality. When a girl likes a guy, she likes him. And even if he didn't make a move, it wouldn't put her off THAT much to do the complete 180. It actually makes the girl want the guy more... the mentality of... "You want what you can't have. haha DEFINITELY not. Who taught men this? Not once have I thought, "oooh, he doesn't want me. Well I'm going to make him want me." If somebody doesn't feel it, they never will... Mostly the case anyway. 100% with GLD
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