newmoon Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 figured i'd post this in the marriage forum since this is (maybe?) something marrieds would have more experience with... my bf and i are taking a trip together - 10 days overseas. we have vacationed together before, locally, for 5 days being the longest. we get along fairly well on trips, some disagreements but nothing big. anyway, how do you women (or men) handle situations where you're on vacay together and you just do not want to do what the other person does? for instance, he is already mentioning taking me around to various cathedrals i have zero interest in visiting. perhaps he has zero interest in some of my stuff too, but what to do? separate all the time?? any tips on handling vacations when the interests are different? how to effectively compromise? it might seem trivial to some, but my prior relationship broke up over this - i was on vacation with someone and when i suggest we split up, he took a flight home and left me in a foreign place; he said i didn't know how to compromise. so... i'm trying to not let history repeat, and need some suggestions. thanks.
january2011 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I suggest discussing the itinerary (including whether or not you will have one) before booking the holiday. This could be as simple as listing what you each want to do/see in the time available (and as finances allow) and then arranging to be together for the things where you overlap. If you don't match up at all on the tourist stuff, perhaps you can just meet for meals and sleep - though I wouldn't advise it unless you are both happy with this arrangement. I think it's important to be honest. If you don't find traipsing around cathedrals fun then it would seem disingenious of you to accompany your boyfriend. It would also be inconsiderate of your boyfriend to drag you to see/do something that you really would not enjoy for the sake of having some company. This is a vacation after all and you are both meant to be there to relax and have fun rather than suffer under the obligation of doing things that would displease you both. Having said that, if you've never visited a cathedral in that location before, perhaps a visit to the "best" one might not be such a bad compromise. 1
Kevingarry Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 What type of entity needs to be created to buy land as a group?
lemontwist Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 While it's important to enjoy your vacation overall, I think you need to suck it up for a few hours and at least try to enjoy the cathedrals. Relationships are all about compromise... give and take. If it's something you REALLY don't want to do (skydiving comes to mind), tell him. But if you're just "not interested", then... maybe you should consider developing an interest in it, if you are serious about this guy. If you only want to do the things you want to do, vacation alone. If you want to vacation with him, then the activities shouldn't matter as much. If I know my husband wants to do something, I'm happy to oblige because he will put on a happy face when I drag him shopping. Plan ahead... you plan one day, he plans the next, etc. A big part of relationships is being flexible and accommodating, even if it means sucking it up and visiting a cathedral in Europe (oh the horror!). If you can't accomodate that without complaining, good luck with the whole "til death do us part" thing.
todreaminblue Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 figured i'd post this in the marriage forum since this is (maybe?) something marrieds would have more experience with... my bf and i are taking a trip together - 10 days overseas. we have vacationed together before, locally, for 5 days being the longest. we get along fairly well on trips, some disagreements but nothing big. anyway, how do you women (or men) handle situations where you're on vacay together and you just do not want to do what the other person does? for instance, he is already mentioning taking me around to various cathedrals i have zero interest in visiting. perhaps he has zero interest in some of my stuff too, but what to do? separate all the time?? any tips on handling vacations when the interests are different? how to effectively compromise? it might seem trivial to some, but my prior relationship broke up over this - i was on vacation with someone and when i suggest we split up, he took a flight home and left me in a foreign place; he said i didn't know how to compromise. so... i'm trying to not let history repeat, and need some suggestions. thanks. I wouldnt care where i went as long as i was with the person i was married too its better than being separated i have fun wherever i am i like th esimple things so therefore th ebig things dotn matter like countries......places....just one face needs to be in that holiday with em for me to be happy make yoru own fun......i dont think i helped did i ....i am sorry if i didnt help.....i would hope my partner was the same as me though and would want to go somewhere i would like to see or at least try before it was a flat out no..........sometimes at least.... compromise....i suggest for you....go his way.... one holiday and then do yours another holiday.....play monopoly whoever has the most money gets to pick the holiday be goods sportsman and allow both teams to win.....just not at the same time different times....i dont mean to make this a trivial pursuit(lol cheesy) but honestly if you love each other it isnt as important as that......deb
mitchell Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Maybe your ex was right about your problems with compromise. This shouldn't be that tough a decision. The two of you are going away on a wonderful european vacation. There should be plenty of time for both of you to enjoy the things that interest you most. Most importantly, you should enjoy just being together! I agree with the suggestion that you sit down before your trip and plan out your itinerary. Why don't you each make a list of desired sights for each location and then compromise by selecting some from each person's list?
Ami1uwant Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 for instance, he is already mentioning taking me around to various cathedrals i have zero interest in visiting. perhaps he has zero interest in some of my stuff too, but what to do? separate all the time?? any tips on handling vacations when the interests are different? how to effectively compromise? it might seem trivial to some, but my prior relationship broke up over this - i was on vacation with someone and when i suggest we split up, he took a flight home and left me in a foreign place; he said i didn't know how to compromise. so... i'm trying to not let history repeat, and need some suggestions. thanks. What do you think compromise is given your past? This is where you two need to sit down and discuss what your itinerary is and you need to be activly involved in planning it with him otherwise you are going to be doing just what he wants to do....and he probably thinks you are interested as well. I'm not religious but I would have no problem going into a cathedral or two given how old some of the structures are and the beauty in the art work in it with the paintings, sculptires, and colored glass. Him wanting to do a cathedral tour could have ramifications on your relationship when it comes to religious views and future kids--has this been talked about? For example he may seldom go to church now but if you two are married and have a child then when the child is old enough he will want to go to church every week. Wherver you plan on going you need to plan an itinerary where you each do something you want to do. It is possible each of you do this on your own or you could do it together. Part of a relationship is being able to do the things you love. There will be times that you have to do something that you dont care to do....the trade off is that he would do something you dont want to do. You want to try and find a balance. This happens as well when it comes to travel and family vacations.......what is he just loves to explore europe but you want to do Asia or South America or you just want to take a trip exploring the national park? Could this cause a fight---yes---unless you set up some expected ground rules...such as splitting what is being done on a vacation. Agreeing to alternate where you travel to for vacation...this year he picks...next year you pick.
Author newmoon Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 thanks to everyone for the helpful advice. based on the advice here we have decided to work on a joint itinerary and incorporate things we both want to see and do. so i will go to places he wants and vice versa. we are also scheduling in 2 'alone days' so that we can each have some private time to tour things individually and then meet up in the evening for dinner to discuss our day. 2
Recommended Posts