Coyoteloco Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 So i saw my ex gf in a birthday party and she was trying to hug me, be with me talk with me, said she missed me, and that wanted to see me. So after that i add her on facebook, and she starts talking to me, then she calls me, and talks about the times when we were together. Then today i text her if she wanted to see me, she calls me rigth away, and arranges a meeting between the two of us in about 1 hour. So i go to the location, and meet with her, we start talking and stuff, how our lifes were going, she says she still loves me, and that she wont ever stop loving me. But when i tell her that maybe we could try again and see how it goes, she tells me that she doesnt want that. She tells me she is afraid she will regret this in the future. Then she says not enough time passed, then she says this might be forever, then says she doesnt know if she will ever feel what she feels for me for some1 else. She tells me she started smoking and is going through some eating dissorder because of our break up. She is back in therapy now. I tell her that she already broke my heart once, that she shouldnt be doing this to me, giving me false hope, i tell her i dont want her to call me text me and that ill delete her from facebook again, that the only thing i want from her is to be my girlfriend, is that or nothing. She starts crying and i leave. My question is what the **** is going on with her. Im getting really pissed and feel she is being disrespectful with me. She also told me that i was the best man she would ever meet and that her friends tell her she is missing all the fun. I think she got a case of GIGS, im still madly inlove with her, but is she just keeping me in the backburner? she told me she aint seeing any other men. If some1 can tell me what is going on i would apreciate that, i dont have some1 to talk to right now so thats why i write this here
Mike_d Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 asked once before, asking again. how many of these are you going to post? you are broken up right? who cares what is going on with her, get on with your life. there is no answer to your question, that you are still obsessing over these kind of questions is a clue for you as to where you are and what you need to be doing
flitzanu Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 So i saw my ex gf in a birthday party and she was trying to hug me, be with me talk with me, said she missed me, and that wanted to see me. So after that i add her on facebook, and she starts talking to me, then she calls me, and talks about the times when we were together. Then today i text her if she wanted to see me, she calls me rigth away, and arranges a meeting between the two of us in about 1 hour. So i go to the location, and meet with her, we start talking and stuff, how our lifes were going, she says she still loves me, and that she wont ever stop loving me. But when i tell her that maybe we could try again and see how it goes, she tells me that she doesnt want that. She tells me she is afraid she will regret this in the future. Then she says not enough time passed, then she says this might be forever, then says she doesnt know if she will ever feel what she feels for me for some1 else. She tells me she started smoking and is going through some eating dissorder because of our break up. She is back in therapy now. I tell her that she already broke my heart once, that she shouldnt be doing this to me, giving me false hope, i tell her i dont want her to call me text me and that ill delete her from facebook again, that the only thing i want from her is to be my girlfriend, is that or nothing. She starts crying and i leave. My question is what the **** is going on with her. Im getting really pissed and feel she is being disrespectful with me. She also told me that i was the best man she would ever meet and that her friends tell her she is missing all the fun. I think she got a case of GIGS, im still madly inlove with her, but is she just keeping me in the backburner? she told me she aint seeing any other men. If some1 can tell me what is going on i would apreciate that, i dont have some1 to talk to right now so thats why i write this here talking to you and hanging out with you DOES NOT EQUAL wanting to date you. simple as that. she's trying to be your friend, you're trying to be her boyfriend. the mixed signals are you believing things that aren't there. keep this up and she's never going to speak to you again.
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 lol man but i mean, she was wanting me to hug her, getting like when we were together, and she talked about the time we were together, she even apologized for doing that for her behaviour. I think im not that crazy, she told me that she loved me and that she will love me for years, that there was a hole in her heart and she said like she would like to say yes to me and stop being so sad but that she couldnt . . . said like not enough time went by yet, but also said it was forever . . . flitz you always put the worst case senario lol guess that keeps my hope low where they should be. I promise im quitting this forum soon lolololo
Mike_d Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 don't quit the forum, quit your self sabotaging behavior and stop thinking that any "Sign" you see means something. and start posting about things that you are doing to better yourself, things that are helping you move forward, how your NC stuff is going
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 yes i learnt from this, know i told her to go no contact, not just me but also i told her to not call me text me or nothing cause she makes me feel like she wants me. I unfriended her from facebook again, and im setting my mind for a long journey of no contact right now, it wont be that hard because she will be on a family holiday for 2 weeks so that will makes things a bit easier for 2 weeks. But yes seeing her was a big mistake cause i was doing so good till the moment i had contact with her, and deep inside i knew that i didnt want to see her but i still did it :/ and now i regret it big time. Today im just having a really stress free and healing day. Next week its our 6 year anyversary she told me she was so sad because of that. And she is in therapy again but forget about her
flitzanu Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 lol man but i mean, she was wanting me to hug her, getting like when we were together, and she talked about the time we were together, she even apologized for doing that for her behaviour. I think im not that crazy, she told me that she loved me and that she will love me for years, that there was a hole in her heart and she said like she would like to say yes to me and stop being so sad but that she couldnt . . . said like not enough time went by yet, but also said it was forever . . . flitz you always put the worst case senario lol guess that keeps my hope low where they should be. I promise im quitting this forum soon lolololo that's because i've heard this story a thousand times, my friend. in the nicest way i can say this, you want your story to be different, and you want to believe your situation is unique; we all do. thing is, it sadly isn't. this girl is doing exactly what every other girl has done to every other guy (me included) and i just want to avoid your further breakdown by allowing her to do it.
Crila16 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Stop with the GIGS excuse. It's not the GIGS. She's loves you, she's just not in love with you. I've been in her shoes. I know exactly what she's feeling. She really genuinely likes you, because you're a great guy. She's just not understanding that you're not ready to be just friends with her. She misses you, she cares about you...she just doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, even though she cares for you...because she knows that a week or two down the road, she's going to want to end it with you again. She's not trying to be selfish, she just really cares about you as a person. She can't help it if she's not madly in love. It's nothing you did, it's all about her and her feelings. You're just going to have to cut her off, because you can't handle being just friends. NC is the only way. She'll be upset at first, but in time it will get easier for both of you to accept.
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 I understand, but will her feelings for me ever change? or is it that she never truly loved me? Im doing better each day, and deep inside i know we shouldnt be together but when i start remembering all the great times it makes me wanna live them again. Also next week is our 6 year anyversary, and this is our only break up in 6 years, i thought it was GIGS because we are each other first love, and from what she tells me, she says she still loves me but that its not the same, and that all her friends tell her she is missing all the fun. . . its just that we were so close to each other, and she tells me that she is so afraid that in a few years she will regret all of this. I mean if our love was so strong for 6 years what made it disappear? Also, friends with benefits?? what about that?
Crila16 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Of course she loved you and was in love with you. She wouldn't have stayed with you for 6 years otherwise. I'm a little older than you and have done the 6 year, long term relationship thing when I was young. 19 - 26 years old. That's a long time, but who knows what they want at that age. I thought I knew what I wanted...boy was I wrong. You have to stop have an internal tempertantrum and look at it realistically and logically. I understand you love her and miss her...and 6 years is a long time. You're young I'm assuming, since it's your first love. You have no clue what life has in store for you. It's not GIGS...it's called being normal. You're with someone for 6 years, your first love...you need to go out and explore other options to figure out what's best for you. It's healthy and normal. She's growing, you're growing...people grow apart usually when they're young and still discovering themselves. Let her go. If she loves you, she'll come back. My 6 year did. More than 10 years later he's realized I was the one all along. He just wasn't ready for me at the time. I've moved on and I'm in a relationship with someone. I don't want him back...but the opportunity is there. You don't know what could happen. No one does. Yes, down the road she could realize you're the one. Just let her explore...and you should too. You may think you know what you want, but you may not. Careful what you wish for.
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) lol man its my first break up ever, and it was a pretty long relationship so first breakup + ltr makes it all really confusing, i wish i could say its over and accept that in my mind, but i cant. Anyways being friends with benefits is it emotionally unhealthy or no? Crila16: well i thought GIGS was that, when she thinks maybe theres some1 out there that will make her feel better. Looking for greener pastures. Im 21 and she is 20. Yes we are young, but our love was really the envy of everyone else even divorced people we knew wanted to have what he had. Im letting her go as much as i can, but its hard for me cause i still want to be with her (or atleast i think i do). You suggest i go complete no contact? no friends, no benefits? Edited August 30, 2012 by Coyoteloco
Crila16 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 GIGS is like calling someone a committment phobic. It's not as common as you think. You can only have GIGS when you're not really in love with anyone. That's why you teeter back and forth between different people. None of them really fulfill you. It's not far off from what is classified as a committment phobe. It's all nothing but excuses to avoid the inevitable. The person is not in love with you. It hurts, it sucks...but it's the truth. I've been called a committment phobe by some exes. No I'm not...I just wasn't that in love with you. I've had what people have called GIGS...but that's when I realized, I didn't love any of the guys involved. Let me tell you...when I fell in love, I didn't look at any other man. Didn't want another man touching me. I knew I had found the one. If he had proposed...YES YES YES. No doubt in my mind. Being madly in real love isn't as common as you think. If it were, it wouldn't be so special when you found it. You're only 20...don't sweat it. It's just your first love. You have no clue what's in store for you...and it's going to be amazing. You won't even know what hit you when you find it. First loves are beautiful. If it's currently over...who knows. Maybe if she is the one and you two are meant to be...you'll meet at a reunion and get married. I've seen it happen more than once. Time to cut off all contact. If anything, for yourself. NC until you can move on. 1
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Yes she told me that maybe in 1 year or in the future we could be together. But that i shouldnt wait for her. But i cant yet understand how ****ing a lot of guys will help you findyourself ???? She was like that, she told me she never felt nothing for other guys in all our time together, but this year she did, she met this coworker and she felt something for him an atraction, she doesnt work there anymore, she told me she chats with him from every now and then but nothing serious. And this guy was the main reason we broke up for me. Also i walk on the street and see all the couples together, and im like, omg i want that so bad Its my first time being single in 6 years, 1 month went by and it still sucks. I hope my future starts bringing me good things soon, cause right now this are some hard times. I know she will regret it in the future, but right now life is doing good for her, so what the hell ill dump by boyfriend and go party with my new friends.
Mike_d Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 so far this is all about her her her. when does it start to become about you? 1
Crila16 Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I know it hurts, but what she's doing is completely healthy at this age. 6 years is a long time for such young people. I'm mean seriously...you've been together since you were 14/15 yrs old. That's young. I know you don't think so...but believe me. It really is. One day you'll be on this site, helping out a 20 yr old...and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Ok...so she's having a feeling towards a co-worker. It's ok. She's only 20. It's expected. She's changing and growing, as are you. You two may grow back together in a few years. You don't know what could happen. Let her go...let her explore. She'll appreciate you letting her go to do this. I also think you need to explore other dating options. I'm telling you...you haven't even given yourself a chance. I know you're too busy hurting right now. Like I said...6 years is a very long time. When my 6 year relationship ended. I felt the same way. It's the comfort and familiarity of having someone. You are going through a HUGE change right now that's going to help shape who you are for the future. I just wish I had a crystal ball so you could see that it's all going to be alright and it will all work out. You're not going to fall into that giant pit of darkness and disappear. You will get through this and you will find yourself attracted to other women. Hey...if you met me, your ex wouldn't even have a chance (just kidding). All I'm saying is, don't be angry. Don't be upset. Yes...there is a chance in all this world that you could even get back with her. Just don't throw away opportunities that you'll end up regretting. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to scream. It's ok to miss her. Good things will start happening, but no one is safe from the mourning period. No one. It's a part of life. Once you're through the mourning period...that's when things get better. That's how it works. Also, learn to embrace the freedom of being single, because one day you'll get married, and you don't want to look back at this as wasted time.
Author Coyoteloco Posted August 31, 2012 Author Posted August 31, 2012 yes, i would love to let her go and dont give a **** of what she does, forget completly about her, or even be able to handle she being with another man. And im really afraid of when that moments comes. Also i got no problem in meeting another girl and falling in love again, but the long wait for that to happen is what makes me so sad. Looking back at her, when we broke up i told her she wasnt the girl i have fallen inlove to, and that is somehow true cause she changed alot and if i met her today i probably wouldnt even feel atracted to her, but still theres a huge feeling inside of me to her. All of this seems pretty sureal. I cant stop thinking of this over and over I think im experiecing all this sudden depression because of breaking the no contact :/ i was doing so much well before talking to her again. i messed up. now its like starting all over again.
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