WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) Posted at other forums and some people just got rude with me. I am not really experienced much at all this so advice is needed but of course I'll follow my gut/heart anyway. I am 30 BTW. So not sure how much info to put right away but I'll say, the guy I like (ALOT!!) lives close to me, he is quite a bit older, not married, no kids, not dating etc.. but he has a sick mom who he is living with at the moment to care for her. At any rate...I have felt many times over the past few months, that he liked me, but because I am not sure and because I don't want to terrify him, I haven't done much about it. Just played it safe. I'll post a few of the reasons why I think he is interested.... he started talking to me in the first place, and he initiates most of our convos. Anytime he sees me, he waves and smiles and sometimes "Hi" we used to just chat "briefly" but the more time has gone on, the more we talk longer, like an hour or so and often about personal things like his family, job, past etc and he will ask about me and my jobs, family and remember alot of things I tell him. He is always smiling at me and making eye contact and trying to make me laugh, sometimes he will seem "animated" and do things like pretending to trip and fall and then looking at me and seeing how I react... he is very sweet to me and we have alot in common so he will use that as a way to relate our topics and sometimes will say things like "oh I saw on the news..." and its something that reminded him of me. He introduced me to his mom (formally) a few months ago and apparently due to her illness, she does not like strangers etc but now, she always smiles and waves at me too. He has given me permisson to "stop by anytime" and as I said, no strangers etc and according to him, family doesn't even come by, but she is ok with me stopping by. He has been helpful at times, like randomly walking my dogs home with me (his idea), helping me pick out a dog friendly car, helping me with ideas of places for my brother to apply for jobs, helping with a foster dog who hated men and he has offered to give me a ride anytime. He likes to tease me alot like when i was flying to canada he would tease me about my fear of flying and he purposely tells me gorey stories and I'll say, thanks for that lovely image and he smiles and says "anytime" and he invited me to come by on his bday and when i did, he told me, he loved the card i made him and was gonna frame it. He actually told me 2x that he loved it. So I figured, at the VERY least, we were friends... but my gut told me a few times, he likes me. Anyway so a few weeks ago, I was gonna be home alone and asked him if it was ok to get his # because I knew him best around here and he said with a smile, yes, thats fine and never gave me it. He was busy with yard work then but still, so a week later, I asked him again when he was out "is it still ok to get your number?" and he said, yes, ill get it to you and asked me all about my families trip etc. never gave me it, but again busy with yard work. Anyway a few days after that, I walked by and he gave me the biggest smile and wave so I thought, ok...? He must not hate me. Well it was only this past weekend when we actually spoke again and HE initiated the chat, it was long and he offered to help me with something, we laughed and joked like before. Then two days later, I chatted with him for almost 2 hrs. He was super playful and teasy with me and kept moving close, he would move back but then move close. His friend was even there and he kept me involved in the chat and stood in front of me when his friend approached and said "I'll protect you" and he was so good to my dog that day, so good, he kept telling me how well behaved he was. He even randomly brought up something about a show i mentioned 2 days earlier and I thought he wasnt listening but then, he mentioned it and said "I had to tell you when I saw it on the news" so please.. I am confused... why does he seem interested... and then do something so weird like the #? He has to at least see me as a friend and its not like I was bugging him, HE is the one who brought me back in his life, and started the chat. So confused, really like him and we get along fantastically but if the # thing terrified him, I am not sure asking him to hang out will go well and I wanted to do that.Also neither of us are touchy feely type so we haven't done that yet but I plan to break the touch barrier next time Any advice? Edited August 29, 2012 by WhatsMyName
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) Not likely... he has had several GFs before...but who knows...even if he was, why would that be a reason not to give a #? Don't friends share #s? I think he isn't into anyone ATM because he is so stressed with his mom, and he is home like all the time. Rarely goes anywhere. He doesn't "seem" gay but no idea... he used the term "lady friend" once to describe a friend of his. Then a few months later, he used her name so I asked, your lady friend? He laughed and was like... oh that was a bad choice of words... we are not dating, we are just friends. We went to coffee once but it wasn't a date. Then she texted him and he told me he it was her so I said again, how long you been seeing her? He smiles and said, we are just friends. Then on his bday she dropped off balloons and I asked where they came from and he was like "my friend" and then let them go in the sky... so no idea... Do you think he is showing interest though or is this just all friendly? Is it stupid of me to ask again or to give my #? Is it a bad idea to ask to hang out? There is no "signs" he is gay and I don't get that vibe at all. I have several gay friends... but no idea... Edited August 29, 2012 by WhatsMyName
Mycteria Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Not gonna get too many responses without paragraphs. It's too hard to read.
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Not gonna get too many responses without paragraphs. It's too hard to read. Didn't realize it was a massive deal. I tried to edit but it wont let me, time expired. Not sure if I can re-post. Hope some people will "suffer" through my crap grammer and read it.
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 It seems to me that if he was into you he would've given you his number one of the two times you asked for it or asked for yours at some point.
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 So then he is faking his kindness? He isn't even wanting friendship?
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Sort of braved my way through the original post. My take on it is that you gave the guy plenty of opportunities. The initial stages shouldn't be this hard. Not really sure whether there should be more work on your part
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Braved your way? Haha, wow. I guess its not bad for me since I wrote it, like I said, tried to edit, wont let me. Not sure how I can. So... what do you mean? Stop talking to him? I am not that rude, as I said, MOST times we talk, its because he comes to me or starts the chat. He clearly has no interest in me though, is what your saying... even as a friend? So skip offering to hang out?
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Basically, this is my advice, you've already made a ton of effort, if he is interested in you or even wants to hang out just as friends he will make the effort.
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 If you like him more than a friend, don't hang out with him because it will just hurt you. It's not like he is some long lost friend. You don't owe him anything. Don't be rude to him just don't hang out. Time to move on and find a guy who shows equal interest I think.
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 ok so none of the signs are interest... thats all i wanted to know because i am horrible at reading people. i feel like the age gap bothers him. i know he has so much on his plate right now too and i am just a kind person. when he has surgery in 2 weeks, i already told him, id be coming to visit. it wont hurt me, being around him makes me happier than anything.... ive accepted long ago, he would never like me back. i just wanted to make sure i was not misreading him. that these were not signs of interest etc
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 I am 30, he just turned 50. I'll be 31 in a few months
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Can't speak for him obviously but that is a big gap. I think there is a possibility that the friend is a bit more of a friend and he didn't want to hurt you. Do you live with your parents?
Chocolat Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am 30, he just turned 50. I'll be 31 in a few months So it's possible his interest in your is paternal and he does not want to say or do anything to lead you to believe otherwise. I know that the impression on these boards is that all guys are willing to nail it with anyone at any time, but it may be that this guy is decent enough to realise that this age gap is too big to broach. Just a thought.
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Yes I live at home, he knows the story. I moved home about 7 months ago because my place got too spendy for me alone with my dogs. So I am saving to move again, hopefully by January. I also take care of my disabled brother here. He lives with his mom as well. Maybe it is... but still... it doesn't make sense why he would lie to me, why say yes when you are not ok with it? Its a legit reason I gave him and not like oh I want to text and call you all the time.... even as a neighbor, people share numbers... I mean its possible at his age he doesn't know it off hand, I know people like that but still. I guess thats what bothers me, not that I need the #. I don't anymore but just his lie/reistance to it, even if he saw me as "a daughter" like... umm I am home alone... wouldn't you want me to have that contact if I needed it? Then its weird that HE was very playful/flirty with me. I felt it. Normally I am dense to that but very much so, and this was after. So if he wanted to "push me away" or whatever, then why not start talking about other women more, and keep your distance, make the chats short... these are the things that I don't get. So not sure what I should do. I still wanna visit after surgery as I promised and I know he appreciates it since he doesn't get company there... but then what, when winter comes and he isn't outside much, I am suppose to never talk to him anymore? This is all just a act or a way to keep from being bored?
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I didn't mean your living at home in derogatory terms, was just wondering what your background was. I don't think he was lying, people do things that we don't understand and often those reasons have nothing to do with us. He has his reasons why he wants to keep you at arms length. Be nice and friendly but also mindful that he doesn't want more. It's his right you know
Author WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Ya you are right. I always knew it would never work, I never get this lucky with amazing guys. I just wish he would stop being so nice I guess, its misleading and sometimes I feel like he likes me. I just need to tell myself it wont ever happen and start believing it. Thanks for all the feedback guys
SBRLimey Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 (edited) @WhatsMyName - I so understand what you are going through. I started dating a guy a few weeks ago that I met online. We met and spent a good evening together. Post meeting, we sent the obligatory "How are you?" texts. Last week, he sent a text asking me, why I did not call him. He wanted to know if he had done something to me to make me believe that I couldn't call. I returned the text and said that I was sorry. That it was something I had grown accustomed to...to expect the guy to call. His response, was surprising. He said via text, Expect? Why is the guy expected to call? He indicated that we were not dating or courting but, friends. He stated, friends call each other. I responded and said that I really don't know him well enough and did not want to intrude. He went on this rant about friendship, going through things together as freinds, and some reference to God's will. Well, the dating/courting comment hurt my feelings but I put that aside and asked him if he was up for a chat. Thinking that we needed to talk and get things out in the open. He did not reply then nor the next morning. Confusing me all the more. He sent a reply midday the next day to say that he had a late dinner and felll asleep watching tv. He indicated that he had an early start that morning and would be busy all day. He did not say that he would call nor asked if I would call him. ODD!!!! Edited September 29, 2012 by SBRLimey
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