KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I would like to see you being "platonic" friends with a single very handsome man... "A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." Nietzsche I am. One of my friends whom I've known for 12 years now... the first friend I ever made when I moved to my new town... I had a crush on him from day one. I have a crush on him to this day. For me, the sexual tension is ridiculous... But... we're still nothing more. I haven't pushed it, or brought it up, or tried anything, or have done anything to show it's anything more. Maybe I should since he's given me signs, I just don't want to make something weird... advice?! hahaha.
ThaWholigan Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am. One of my friends whom I've known for 12 years now... the first friend I ever made when I moved to my new town... I had a crush on him from day one. I have a crush on him to this day. For me, the sexual tension is ridiculous... But... we're still nothing more. I haven't pushed it, or brought it up, or tried anything, or have done anything to show it's anything more. Maybe I should since he's given me signs, I just don't want to make something weird... advice?! hahaha. Welcome to our world
Dafa Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am. One of my friends whom I've known for 12 years now... the first friend I ever made when I moved to my new town... I had a crush on him from day one. I have a crush on him to this day. For me, the sexual tension is ridiculous... But... we're still nothing more. I haven't pushed it, or brought it up, or tried anything, or have done anything to show it's anything more. Maybe I should since he's given me signs, I just don't want to make something weird... advice?! hahaha. Come on... You are shooting yourself in the foot. By friends we are talking about a friendship where on both sides there is no sexual/emotional attraction. You are hiding information about your relationship from him.
Dafa Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am. One of my friends whom I've known for 12 years now... the first friend I ever made when I moved to my new town... I had a crush on him from day one. I have a crush on him to this day. For me, the sexual tension is ridiculous... But... we're still nothing more. I haven't pushed it, or brought it up, or tried anything, or have done anything to show it's anything more. Maybe I should since he's given me signs, I just don't want to make something weird... advice?! hahaha. As for advice: I very much doubt he has never noticed that crush of yours. In 12 years of interaction, either he is as dense as a brick or you are an ice queen. In this context, if he indeed never approached says alot...
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 As for advice: I very much doubt he has never noticed that crush of yours. In 12 years of interaction, either he is as dense as a brick or you are an ice queen. In this context, if he indeed never approached says alot... We've always flirted. Like blatantly. I made a thread about this but no one even responded. It's never been the "right time." either one or both was away at school, in other relationships, etc. But every time we hang out you could cut the tension with a knife. he always makes it a point to touch me, my thigh, hand, arm... leans into me, we talk, laugh a lot... i stayed over his apartment last week and neither of us slept all night. we just talked and laughed till 5am. finally we fell asleep and i woke up and his arm was around my waist.... nothing since. This is why i don't make further moves. lol.
Dafa Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 We've always flirted. Like blatantly. I made a thread about this but no one even responded. It's never been the "right time." either one or both was away at school, in other relationships, etc. But every time we hang out you could cut the tension with a knife. he always makes it a point to touch me, my thigh, hand, arm... leans into me, we talk, laugh a lot... i stayed over his apartment last week and neither of us slept all night. we just talked and laughed till 5am. finally we fell asleep and i woke up and his arm was around my waist.... nothing since. This is why i don't make further moves. lol. Seriously, what more are you expecting? A sonet by the balcony? There is no harm in a woman making the first move...
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Seriously, what more are you expecting? A sonet by the balcony? There is no harm in a woman making the first move... bahahahah... i don't know i'm scared of making it awkward... that's about it. I mean 12 years. Damn.
Later82012 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Maybe some of the gentlemen here will chime in as well. Women are too complicated. They lead the guys on knowingly or unknowingly and most guys are too single-minded. If you are not interested and they are interested you need to cut those guys off totally and not engage in any kind of communication whatsoever, but you need them for ego-stroking like AlexCross said, right?
pteromom Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I haven't felt that way for anyone except this one guy... but he's not showing the interest the way I want him to! This stuck out at me... don't waste your time on someone who doesn't show interest in you. Just as you don't want these guys wasting their time when YOU don't have interest in them. If he's not showing interest, move on. The right guy will want you as much as you want him. 1
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 This stuck out at me... don't waste your time on someone who doesn't show interest in you. Just as you don't want these guys wasting their time when YOU don't have interest in them. If he's not showing interest, move on. The right guy will want you as much as you want him. lol... by that I mean he's not being super direct. He does such little things to show me interest, I'm shy in return so nothing's ever happened! lmao. 1
Quiet Storm Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 What annoys me and confuses me....is WHY can't a guy just be a platonic friend? Why is it that they see a good looking girl and all bets are off? I relate better to guys. They are less drama than women. I enjoy hanging with guys, I like being laid back, shooting the sh*t, and not have to worry that I'm in some sort of competition with the girl across the room. We're all just buds. Hanging out. Cool. That's just an illusion, though. Do you really relate better to guys or are you relating to the image that these guys are choosing to show you? It's kind of hard to be genuinely "just buds" with a guy when you know they want to have sex with you. A man doesn't have a switch that turns off sexual attraction when you tell him that you aren't interested. In fact, being in close proximity to a woman he finds attractive can boost his testosterone levels, making him even more horny for you. WHY CAN'T GUYS DO THIS. Because most men don't strive to collect female friends. Especially young men. They crave sexual experiences. Any real life woman they find attractive is a potential sexual experience. I have loads of guy friends (that I honestly wouldn't hook up with and haven't hooked up with) and I genuinely enjoy hanging with them, why is that some sort of bad thing that I won't be in a relationship with them? See above. Most men don't want only friendship from an attractive woman. Friendship teases them. Friendship can even make them secretly resent you, because they see you as the gatekeeper. You are a dangling carrot, whether you want to be or not. Why is a guy incapable of being friends with a hot chick? Does his dick suddenly take over and make it impossible? Pretty much, yes. Men have self control and choose not to act on their sexual urges, but that doesn't mean those urges aren't there. Women are not merely on this planet to put out and pop out babies. We're not sex machines, we're not here merely for your pleasure. True. Men know that we have other things to offer, but they aren't driven by those things as much as they are driven by sex. Particulary young ones. From their perspective, they can get their nurturing, conversation and advice needs met by moms, sisters and unattractive women. An attractive women creates sexual tension that they are unable to ignore. I just don't get it. You are viewing men and their motiviations from the perspective of a woman, so it won't make sense to you. You have to step outside of your woman brain filter and realize that men have different needs, motivations and priorities than we do. Generally, as women, we have a strong need for a sense of community and belonging, we focus on our friendships and relationships, and this makes us good mothers and nuturers. For us, a new friendship is a good thing. For men, being "friends only" with an attractive woman is just a reminder to them that they can't have you. It's rejection. They want to be loved just like we do, and feel rejected by your lack of interest. On the flip side, men don't see things from our perspective, either. Many men don't understand when we say things like "chemistry", "sparks" or "butterflies". From their perspective, they often see themselves as smart, decent looking, kind, with lots to offer. Your friendliness confuses them. They think, "If she likes me and wants to be my friend, why won't she be with me?" They don't get that if you're not feeling it, you're never gonna feel it for them. They have this sexual tension stirring inside of them and it can be difficult for them to fathom that you don't feel it too, so they continue to have hope. So in this sense, keeping them as friends can be detrimental to them, as they will end up disappointed and feel hurt when you date others. In addition, if you reject his advances and he keeps trying, that shows a lack of respect for you. Your so called "friendship" would consist of him secretly thinking you're a tease and not respecting your feelings while you "shoot the sh*t" and bask in male attention. Not much of a genuine friendship, huh? 1
pteromom Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 lol... by that I mean he's not being super direct. He does such little things to show me interest, I'm shy in return so nothing's ever happened! lmao. Yeh, I read the rest of the thread, and see what you mean. But 12 years! Make a freaking move already. You guys are gonna be flirting with each other in the nursing home. If he is interested, you are wasting a lot of time you could be using to have amazing sex. 1
pteromom Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 If he is interested, you are wasting a lot of time you could be using to have amazing sex. And if he isn't, you are wasting a lot of time on a crush that is going nowhere. Yeh. I quoted myself. LOL 2
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Yeh, I read the rest of the thread, and see what you mean. But 12 years! Make a freaking move already. You guys are gonna be flirting with each other in the nursing home. If he is interested, you are wasting a lot of time you could be using to have amazing sex. LMFAO. I could totally see it. The whole falling asleep in his bed thing was a HUGE move, because that's never happened before. Next time we hang out, it's game on! :D 1
pteromom Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 LMFAO. I could totally see it. The whole falling asleep in his bed thing was a HUGE move, because that's never happened before. Next time we hang out, it's game on! :D Ok. I want to hear details after you go for it. Prove to me that you are that self-loving, confident person you said you are in your other thread. Just remember, there is nothing to fear. Either he's gonna jump in and go for it, or he's gonna tell you he can't, but none of that changes who you are. Either way, the years of wasted energy will be through, and that's a WIN for you. LOL 1
KatZee Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Ok. I want to hear details after you go for it. Prove to me that you are that self-loving, confident person you said you are in your other thread. Just remember, there is nothing to fear. Either he's gonna jump in and go for it, or he's gonna tell you he can't, but none of that changes who you are. Either way, the years of wasted energy will be through, and that's a WIN for you. LOL Stay tuned for a thread near you.... 1
yongyong Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 you want to know the truth? he already got you naked in his mind. I am sure he banged you in every possible position while masturbating. He must also imagined cumming in your mouth and watching you swallowing it. that's what guys think when they see a bagable object. Does it make you uncomfortable if he is thinking that way? then cut the contact.
ChatroomHero Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I'm not sure how i'd be leading him on if I sat him down, actually had a long conversation with him and told him directly that I just want to be his friend and want nothing more than that? To the original OPs point: If a guy likes a girl (I'm sure you can view it from a woman's perspective being into a guy too), he doesn't see it as a long conversation where you were direct. He will see it... because he really wants it to be... a long, deep, meaningful conversation where you both talked about your feelings and he had a deeper, more meaningful conversation than he had with any other woman and there was a connection. The context is secondary. Someone else said it perfectly, attraction is not a choice, it is not a switch that is turned off after someone rejects you. Going on friend dates to him is going to seem one step closer to you "coming around" to him because again, it's what he wants. I have seen this with women too. I have been very explicit with them that I am not interested but I also know everytime I allow contact they take it as a positive sign and seem to forget me telling them I am not interested, so I know it is my fault if I encourage it by allowing contact to continue.
Necromancer Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 hahahaha wowwwww. It's crazy how similar our situations are!! Looks like we both have stage 5 clingers on our hands.... My clinger texted me like an hour ago and was like your friends are probably working this Friday lets go on a date!! What do you want to do? We can do whatever you want! I was like I want to see what my friends are doing first it's my last weekend before grad classes start.... he was like well you need to let me know. OH! and last night he was like would you go away on vacation with me??........... I was like no. hahahah I don't know how to be nice about it because he is just not getting it. It's Just Me- I totally agree with you! I feel like if you are distant from a guy they want you 1000X more!! There's just no spark with this guy and he's got like fireworks going off for me. I hope a guy I actually like one day acts like this kid haha Haha, seems like a funny guy. How old is that kid?.
Author lovehurts5 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Chatroomhero- I see what you're saying. I know if you like someone you can't just stop once being rejected but I feel like instead of backing off a little I feel like he went in the opposite direction trying even harder thinking he can change my mind into wanting a relationship. Even if I did like the kid it'd be a turn off with how clingy he's being. I feel smothered almost and all I wanted was a friendship because he seemed like a nice normal fun guy. Now I'm not sure I even want the friendship. We didn't talk today so that was good. Necromancer- I'm 24 he's going to be 29 soon
KatZee Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 That's just an illusion, though. Do you really relate better to guys or are you relating to the image that these guys are choosing to show you? It's kind of hard to be genuinely "just buds" with a guy when you know they want to have sex with you. A man doesn't have a switch that turns off sexual attraction when you tell him that you aren't interested. In fact, being in close proximity to a woman he finds attractive can boost his testosterone levels, making him even more horny for you. No, I genuinely relate better to guys. I hate women. I hate all the drama they bring wherever they go. I hate the cattiness. I hate the competition. I hate all the backstabbing. I hate the sh*t talk. Guys don't come with this baggage. They just are. They go out, they have a good time. They go home and go to sleep. When I go out, I want to have a good time. I don't like worrying about who I need to impress, who's being fake to my face, and then turning around to make fun of me, or talk crap about me. I hate going out with women. I've gone out and had girls come up to me to talk crap about another person, and I'm standing there like ... what do you want? Do you want me to participate in this conversation? Because it's not going to happen. Go away. I don't really need all this crap you're coming at me with. I also have higher than normal testosterone for a woman, so I'm not scared to get my hands dirty. I'll burp with the best of them. That's not to say I'm not a lady, but come on, it's fun hanging with the guys! I'll laugh like hell at the dirty jokes when all those prissy girls are making faces and going "ew." It's just more fun with the guys. they can get their nurturing, conversation and advice needs met by moms, sisters and unattractive women. An attractive women creates sexual tension that they are unable to ignore. I'm not going to sit here and complain about being an attractive woman. But is this the "downfall" of being attractive? The inability to be "just friends" with some guy you find really cool but have no attraction to? Obviously no one is going to want to sleep with every single guy they come into contact with, but show a man a hot woman and it's over. I like being friendly, and having friends... more specifically LAID BACK FRIENDS! And it sucks that an appearance ruins this. Also, I don't reject a guy's advances and then continue to hang out with him. I know that leads guys on, and I'm really aware of when a guy wants more. Once that starts to happen that's it. I cut it off. I haven't spoken to a couple of guys in weeks because of this. You're cool, I'd definitely hang out with you, but if you're this obvious about wanting to date me/have sex with me, I'm sorry we can't hang out. And I haven't initiated talking to them or asking them to hang out. Basking in that sort of attention for an ego boost is kind of tacky. But what about the guys that AREN'T making such displays of attraction? Are they secretly hiding it? Or are these platonic friends?
Author lovehurts5 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 So last night the kid that I had wanted to be friends with made me realize how I really CAN'T be friends with him. He was way more into me than I was him and last night I saw him out when I was with my friends. Because I told him I couldn't go on a "date" with him, when I saw him out he COMPLETELY ignored me. I went to say hi to him and he wouldn't even turn around when I tapped him on the shoulder. Kind of felt like a slap in the face, I don't know why. lol ohhhhh mannnnnn.
crosswordfiend Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 So last night the kid that I had wanted to be friends with made me realize how I really CAN'T be friends with him. He was way more into me than I was him and last night I saw him out when I was with my friends. Because I told him I couldn't go on a "date" with him, when I saw him out he COMPLETELY ignored me. I went to say hi to him and he wouldn't even turn around when I tapped him on the shoulder. Kind of felt like a slap in the face, I don't know why. lol ohhhhh mannnnnn. Friendships, like relationships, require both parties to buy in. This is his way of rejecting the friendship as you rejected the relationship. 1
Author lovehurts5 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 Yeah, you are absolutely right. He texted my friend last night and was like "she had told me that she wanted to tell me something tonight, but I guess that didn't happen..." But the funny thing was I had NEVER said I was going to say something to him?? So i'm not sure what he meant by that? Oh well. Onto the next one.
somedude81 Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Friendships, like relationships, require both parties to buy in. This is his way of rejecting the friendship as you rejected the relationship. Exactly. If she doesn't want to date him. He's under no obligation to be her friend.
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