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Men: Are you alpha? Beta? a hybrid? Do you think these labels are stupid?

Ruby Slippers

By Ruby Slippers
in General Relationship Discussion

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Just curious.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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I used to think they were stupid labels, but I've read some of what posters on here have written (very knowledgeable and thoughtful posters not people just being provocative) and I'm not so sure anymore. I think it's possible to be generally one or the other, but still have alpha traits or beta traits in certain circumstances. Much like a woman could be "feminine" by wearing dresses and painting her nails, but "masculine" in that she likes to sports or fixing cars.

 

When it comes to dating I'm almost certainly a beta though. At least I'm pretty sure.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I'm a gammamale.

HHC Established Member

HHC

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As a female I think these labels are stupid

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AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Stupid labels given so women can overanalzye and judge men even more..humans are much more complex then these silly labels

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I enjoy using the labels for analysis because I'm just like that.

 

Objectively speaking, I see no use for them in general because the nature of people, and in this particular case men, are complex and unique in terms of individuality, despite the similarities that group us all together as a gender, and as a culture and beyond. The labels serve to categorize a certain set of behaviors that men subscribe to, particularly in the world of dating. They can certainly be changed, as part of natural growth, which is why I find those labels are not really to be taken so seriously.

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KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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I'm more of a Ralph's or Albertsons.

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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I don't mind them. Some men are more masculine than others. You have to come up with names for them. The problem is when you focus too much on fitting the label.

Bristolius Established Member

Bristolius

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Even in alpha species (humans are not), an individual isn't one or the other. Alpha describes a role in a group, not a type of individual.

 

The way these words are used here at LS is never clear to me.

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8mia8 Member

8mia8

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The way these words are used here at LS is never clear to me.

There should be a definitions list and also examples of these "ratings" (1-10) that people give around here.

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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I'm a neutral male. I'm a good natured and down to earth person and an a-hole when I have to be. I cursed out one of my bosses in the parking lot at work a couple months ago does that make me an alpha? No but we all have limits. That being said if you just met me you wouldn't guess in a million years that I'd do that but that's becasue you can't judge a book by it's cover!

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Add to the fact that people often behave very differently in various aspects of their lives. They can be the proverbial "alpha male" in his career field while the proverbial "beta" in dating and relationships.

 

Are you speaking specifically about dating...?

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BassWalker Member

BassWalker

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I used to be an alpha, but now I'm beta.

GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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Add to the fact that people often behave very differently in various aspects of their lives. They can be the proverbial "alpha male" in his career field while the proverbial "beta" in dating and relationships.

 

I've been very successful in my education/career life but it never seemed to translate socially with women -- under those circumstances, it's very frustrating to feel like you have to be a totally different person when it comes to attraction and dating.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I've been very successful in my education/career life but it never seemed to translate socially with women -- under those circumstances, it's very frustrating to feel like you have to be a totally different person when it comes to attraction and dating.

 

Because success begets confidence. You need a foundation of success to create knowledge that success is the norm.

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Add to the fact that people often behave very differently in various aspects of their lives. They can be the proverbial "alpha male" in his career field while the proverbial "beta" in dating and relationships.

Yes, exactly. What inspired me to create this thread is that my new boyfriend is alpha in some ways and non-alpha (beta?) in others.

 

He's totally dominant/alpha in his career, in bed, and logistically (leads the way, chooses the table, drives the car).

 

But he's more accommodating/beta in the relationship. He works around my schedule, lets me plan whatever I want to do and goes along with it happily, reads me (now - not at first) and adjusts to my desires for affection and closeness, openly shows me his phone and e-mail and lets me play around with it if I want to.

 

But I actually love the mix. I was so wowed yet daunted by confident, dashing him at first. Now that he's being sweeter and more accommodating, I feel reassured and safer.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I am who I am. The hell with stupid boxes.

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USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Yes, exactly. What inspired me to create this thread is that my new boyfriend is alpha in some ways and non-alpha (beta?) in others.

 

He's totally dominant/alpha in his career, in bed, and logistically (leads the way, chooses the table, drives the car).

 

But he's more accommodating/beta in the relationship. He works around my schedule, lets me plan whatever I want to do and goes along with it happily, reads me (now - not at first) and adjusts to my desires for affection and closeness, openly shows me his phone and e-mail and lets me play around with it if I want to.

 

But I actually love the mix. I was so wowed yet daunted by confident, dashing him at first. Now that he's being sweeter and more accommodating, I feel reassured and safer.

 

And this is my primary objection to what is socially regarded as the "alpha male"; that is, the stereotypical guy who "approaches women." Yes, in some respects, that is an "alpha" behavior, but conversely, if you aren't one to approach any woman with a pulse, then you're automatically labeled as inferior to the "alpha." You can have a man who takes charge in many aspects of his life, including his relationships, but chooses not to act in the way society deems to be stereotypically "alpha."

 

And I hate how being "accomodating" is often seen as a weak trait. Bullsh*t.

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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And I hate how being "accomodating" is often seen as a weak trait. Bullsh*t.

I don't see it as a weak trait. It's just surprising. This is a guy who will have me by a fistful of hair in bed, then totally surrender to me when it comes to planning when and what we do for the weekend. I've just never experienced a guy with that mix of qualities. He's this wild beast in bed, and a sweet little lamb other places. I think I'm in heaven :p

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USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I don't see it as a weak trait. It's just surprising. This is a guy who will have me by a fistful of hair in bed, then totally surrender to me when it comes to planning when and what we do for the weekend. I've just never experienced a guy with that mix of qualities. He's this wild beast in bed, and a sweet little lamb other places. I think I'm in heaven :p

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sometimes amazes me how women who have been dating a while are so "surprised" when they experience a positive trait from a guy for the first time like it's the rarest thing on the planet...when a lot of average guys take that stuff for granted like it's nothing special. But I'm happy you finally found it. :)

oaks Established Member

oaks

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Just curious.

 

They are stupid, in a similar way to scores out of 10.

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threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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My husband's alpha, to the core.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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I am a kappa....one of a kind:cool:

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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And this is my primary objection to what is socially regarded as the "alpha male"; that is, the stereotypical guy who "approaches women." Yes, in some respects, that is an "alpha" behavior, but conversely, if you aren't one to approach any woman with a pulse, then you're automatically labeled as inferior to the "alpha." You can have a man who takes charge in many aspects of his life, including his relationships, but chooses not to act in the way society deems to be stereotypically "alpha."

 

And I hate how being "accomodating" is often seen as a weak trait. Bullsh*t.

 

100%

 

It is also the sign of confidence when someone is accommodating in my opinion, especially for a man. I think sometimes it takes intelligence to understand that.

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Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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I'm an epsilon. I can change, but I only do it in very small increments.

 

Yes I think those labels are stupid. I hate people who label others; I call them "labelers."

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