I don't know what I should do

[ariesArisen]

I know this is probably not exactly a LDR to you guys, but it feels like it to me. I'm just at a loss of what to do.

 

I'm in love with my friend and he reciprocates the feelings. He and I met about 9 months ago and I feel like he's the best person I've met in my life. I never once thought that I could ever be able to fall in love like I have with him, especially for me being the age that I am. This love is something that hurts but it's one of the best hurts that I've felt in forever. I guess you could just say that I have the head over heels thing for the guy.

 

Anyways, he lives in Wales. Yeah, the United Kingdom. And here I am all the way over in America. A freaking ocean's distance away. I've always tried coping with the distance with Skype calls and video chats. We chat almost every night. Whenever we get to the topic of distance we're always making promises of seeing each other in the days to come.

 

What I wouldn't give to date him. We've talked about dating before but we decided to not dive into it seeing as it wouldn't be fair on us to have an LDR at the time. I've had boyfriend come and go the past few months and I've decided to just stay single now because I just didn't think it was fair to be dating someone when I'm horribly in love with someone else. This is where it gets tricky, back in May he told me he started dating someone. I was devastated but I was happy that he found someone that he could be with out there. We talked more and we still loved each other. I got a message one day from him after I told him that I loved him and it was basically him telling me that he never stopped loving me when he started dating his girlfriend and will never stop loving me. What a relief that was.

 

But this brings it up to now. My feelings have gotten stronger and I'm pretty sure his have, too. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've lost my chance with him ever since he dated his current girlfriend. I want to wait for him for forever but I'm scared of something never happening.

 

What should I even do? I love him so much and I just hate that we're the victims to an ocean deciding to live between us and him currently dating someone.

 

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. But he's dating someone. I'm wanting to sit by and wait, but I'm scared I'll slip up and post something public on Facebook and his girlfriend finding out and leaving him or something.

 

It's hard to keep anything in anymore.

I'm sorry this is long. I just wanted to get this all out.

[PepperPotts]

If he loved you, he wouldn't be dating someone.

 

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with *you,* ocean or no-- not someone who says he loves you but is getting his kicks with a local girl.

 

I'm curious as to what you mean by "me being the age that I am." It sounds like you're suggesting that you thought you were too young to fall in love.

 

Embrace that :/

 

I thought I was in love with a boy in high school for years. I had the biggest crush on him, and he was all I could think about. It wasn't love-- it was hormones and infatuation.

 

Being in love for real carries with it feelings and thoughts that teenage infatuation just doesn't. I can see my boyfriend for who he is, and while I believe he's perfect for me, I certainly don't think he's perfect. If he tried to pull something like your guy is doing I would be *absolutely devastated,* and I would have to think long and hard about being with him, but I certainly wouldn't have the mindset of "it's ok that he's dating someone else in person because we're far apart and he says he loves me."

 

We have a level of communication, care and trust where we can confront each other with problems and work through them. We make sacrifices because we love each other-- but neither of us just deals with what the other is doing to hurt us. We don't let things go because that leads to resentment, hurt feelings, distance and jealousy-- all of which destroy relationships. Because we believe in our relationship and because it means so much to us, we set boundaries and limits for our individual behavior.

 

Infatuation makes you give a person way, way, way too much credit. You see them as infallible and incorruptible, and you let them get away with anything because you're hoping they might someday feel the same way about you. You can feed your affection on the tiniest wink or smile, and an "I love you" can keep you going for months. He could tell you he loves this other girl, and you'd cry but think "he's just confused."

 

Take a step back, and see the situation for what it is. You're young, and you have a crush on a guy in another part of the world-- a guy you've never met. He listens to you and seems to understand you, and that makes you feel super twitterpated. Hell, *maybe you are in love.* But either way, you need to see what he's doing: he's dating another girl, kissing another girl, hugging another girl, taking another girl out on dates, and probably telling her in person that he loves her. I highly doubt she knows he has someone online that he supposedly is also in love with.

 

You didn't lose your chance with him: you've got your chance now. File this under "teenage daydreams" and break contact with him for the sake of your mental health. This isn't a relationship-- even if he's getting everything from you emotionally, he's giving everything physically to another girl. If you'd dated him in real life and then embarked on a long distance relationship, you would consider what he's currently doing cheating, and you wouldn't be ok with it.

 

It sucks, honey, but let it go and free yourself to find yourself, and (when the time is right) find someone new who will love you-- and only you. It's what you deserve!

[justwhoiam]

We chat almost every night.

What time? Is it when (after) he's done with his girlfriend? I assume so.

 

We've talked about dating before but we decided to not dive into it seeing as it wouldn't be fair on us to have an LDR at the time.

When you date is to find out if you like him, etc. If you claim you *LOVE* someone and he loves you, I guess casual dating is pretty useless. Of course you need to get to know the person first, but it just seem awkward to me.

 

I got a message one day from him after I told him that I loved him and it was basically him telling me that he never stopped loving me when he started dating his girlfriend and will never stop loving me. What a relief that was.

Loving you how? Loving you dearly as a friend? There's a big difference between that and loving someone in a sexual way. If his feelings for you were strong, you would know it. And most of all, the outing was yours. What does that mean? Think about it.

 

Don't wait for him. On the contrary, space out your talks on skype. Don't be his nice pillow before getting asleep every night. It's creating a bad pattern. Just tell him that you're out of that, but still want him as a friend and will talk to him now and then. But not every day like this, as there's no commitment between the two of you and not seeing one in the near future anyway. You'd be just ruining your life for someone who's going to go on with his life without you.

 

Don't publish anything on FB about you and him, you have no right to do so. He's nothing to you and viceversa.

[PepperPotts]

Don't wait for him. On the contrary, space out your talks on skype. Don't be his nice pillow before getting asleep every night. It's creating a bad pattern. Just tell him that you're out of that, but still want him as a friend and will talk to him now and then. But not every day like this, as there's no commitment between the two of you and not seeing one in the near future anyway. You'd be just ruining your life for someone who's going to go on with his life without you.

 

A resounding "here here."