Update - 3 and half years later

[tojaz]

Anyway, all I know is that this whole situation is really getting to me...I am fast approaching my next birthday and I so so so do not want to spend yet another birthday alone

 

Willow, I'm going to repeat myself and say that your trying to hard and thats turning you into someone that your really not. Maybe thats what the guys your looking for don't like.

 

While companionship and love are incredibly important, letting that define your self worth is very very damaging.

 

How do you multi quote a post like that ?? !! grrrrrr

 

Multi quote button (to the right of quote) for all but the last one which would just be the standard quote button.

 

Oh, and since were comparing, 6'4" and 18 stone.... and i wear it quite well.

 

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Gentlemen of LS, I present my case. You decide.

 

A few years back in the photos she posted she looked like a ringer to Lisa of Ice Road Truckers fame. Now picture that on a slim 5' 8" frame, (that means legs like my lady).

 

Something is adling their brains

Edited September 18, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon

[Gunny376]

Hi all,

 

Some here will know my story and some won't. Ex of nearly 20 years walked out on our wedding almost 3 and half years ago now. Thought I would update and ask for a bit of support as things are still not going well for me.

 

The good news for those of you just starting out on this rollar coaster is that the day WILL come where you do not have any feelings for your ex at all.

 

That may sound odd but seriously I have no feelings for my ex whatsoever, just total indifference. Due to the way he left me I have no fondness even or even good memories of our time together, but this does not bother me in the slightest. It's strange to be typing this out as I never thought the day would come where I would not care about him or what he was doing and I would not be experiencing pain over him on a daily basis.

 

The bad news is my life is difficult in many other ways.

 

I still cannot afford to move out from living with family and I still have to commute to work, working 13 hour days for minimum wage.

 

I also really want to meet someone but am finding that men do not like me. This is probably the most frustrating and soul destroying part of my situation, most people want to be loved by someone, most people want to have a partner who cares for them, someone to look forward to seeing, someone to trust and talk with etc. I don't have this and do not seem able to find anyone.

 

I have a really hard time getting dates. Sure, every guy I meet wants to go home with me (which I don't as I am not into that) but no one wants to date me. In other words I can get a guys attention in a bar but I cannot meet anyone for dating (internet, book stores, parks etc).

 

I have found that in particular men my age do not like me. It's like a wall comes up when I try and strike a conversation with them.

 

Some of my friends think that I must be doing something wrong as they don't have any trouble and others think it is due to the low educational and employment level in the area in which I live i.e. that I am too educated and professional for the guys round here and that intimidates them.

 

Anyway, I don't know what it is but it's extremely frustrating to have not had a relationship in nearly four years. I'm not sure why I am posting this really, partly to update, partly to let new people here know that some aspects get better and partly to ask for help because I am becoming incresingly low about my whole situation. I try and try and try and nothing works, nothing. Friends keep telling me cliches about how it will happen when I am not looking, when I least expect it....it never does though whether I am looking or not

 

I remember you NOW!

LISA!!!!!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Just over a month and a bit ago... gunny...your point?

 

Well I'm not on here as much as I use to be ~ and since I quit drinking I don't think as clearly as I use to!

[tojaz]

i just press the multi quote button and then what??

 

whenever i press it, nothing happens!!!

 

 

Really?, whenever I press mine I get fireworks and dancing monkeys!!! Maybe thats just for supporting members.......

 

 

Multi quote button (to the right of quote) for all but the last one which would just be the standard quote button.

 

When you hit the multiquote it will turn from blue to pink, do that for every post you want quoted Except the last post for which you just press the regular quote button we all know and love and that will trigger your reply with all the quotes in the order they were selected.

 

This informative message brought to you by TOJAZ, now back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress.

 

Gentlemen of LS, I present my case. You decide.

 

A few years back in the photos she posted she looked like a ringer to Lisa of Ice Road Truckers fame. Now picture that on a slim 5' 8" frame, (that means legs like my lady).

 

Its definitely not the looks and I think Willow knows that. Liike Coop said, for the guys that Willow is looking for, its whats inside that counts and it sounds to me like her attempts to attract a guy are possibly doing something to mask the person underneath, just a theory.

 

TOJAZ

[willowthewisp]

Gentlemen of LS, I present my case. You decide.

 

A few years back in the photos she posted she looked like a ringer to Lisa of Ice Road Truckers fame. Now picture that on a slim 5' 8" frame, (that means legs like my lady).

 

Something is adling their brains

 

I remember you NOW!

 

LISA!!!!!!!!!

 

Who the h*** is Lisa from ice road truckers????????????????

 

I just googled her....Gallon???? really? Did you have your contacts in? LOL

 

 

 

 

Next time you go out, don`t go out `looking` for `mr right`

 

Go out and have fun, relax, be yourself.

 

There`s nothing worse than a needy, desperate man?

 

or woman

 

Ouch Only talking to guys, not expecting them to drop on one knee and propose, just a coffee date would be nice...does that make me desperate? Besides, like I said...serious question Coop...what am I supposed to do then? When I don't approach, they don't..stale mate.

 

Really?, whenever I press mine I get fireworks and dancing monkeys!!! Maybe thats just for supporting members.......

 

NAh me too! lol (sorry coop, couldn't resist)

 

 

 

 

Its definitely not the looks and I think Willow knows that. Liike Coop said, for the guys that Willow is looking for, its whats inside that counts and it sounds to me like her attempts to attract a guy are possibly doing something to mask the person underneath, just a theory.

 

TOJAZ

 

Willow doesn't know that...Willow is so used to getting knocked back that Willow is seriously staring to think she looks like the back end of a bus.

 

Just go over and ask if they are having a good night or make a funny comment about them like about something they are wearing or doing, or their mate, tease them a bit, that kind of thing. Or if I have had a little tipple (or 3) just simply point at them across the dancefloor...they always look and are intrigued, then just tell them they are gorgeous...usually works...but only for a snog (usually) not a date.

[riverratt]

`just a snog`?

 

WTH.. Isn't like a, Harry Potter, word for kissing? So if a lady comes up to me and says they want to snog, it is just a kiss?

 

Willow I will have a cup of coffee with you on Skype.

[riverratt]

everyone needs to read this.... Everyone needs to read this.... - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Thanks coop..Hits the nail on the head

 

[trippi1432]

Willow doesn't know that...Willow is so used to getting knocked back that Willow is seriously staring to think she looks like the back end of a bus.

 

Just go over and ask if they are having a good night or make a funny comment about them like about something they are wearing or doing, or their mate, tease them a bit, that kind of thing. Or if I have had a little tipple (or 3) just simply point at them across the dancefloor...they always look and are intrigued, then just tell them they are gorgeous...usually works...but only for a snog (usually) not a date.

 

Willow - I disagree with your post for a specific reason....guys who have not been worth your time up to this point make you feel like you are being knocked back, I would hardly say that you are the back end of a bus hun. Do you think the manipulative woman who cheats on her boyfriend is the comparison...hardly again...look at the men of low morals that she pulls. That's not you, be proud of that.

 

What you should be proud of is that you do act with integrity, but it's where you are acting with integrity if you know what I mean (a bar/club)? And sometimes there are circumstances where you act with integrity outside of that environment, but that is not reflective that there is anything wrong with you (other circumstances that you posted about previously and did the right thing).

 

My exH was pulled by a woman who knows how to be the "center of attention", she's not drop-dead gorgeous but she is a Princess who knows how to manipulate a man. She knows exactly what to say and do to get her man to do or act how she wants. (A couple of months ago I got a call from my son that they were looking for her rings in the yard after one of their fights.) I look at that dynamic and think how fitting. Be glad you are not like the woman you knew at the bar, the one who cheats and pulls men who will cheat with her.

 

Perhaps a different way to look at things, just a suggestion....go to the bars/clubs with your friends to have fun. Be you, every bit of you because at the end of the night, if you really look at the people there, are they worthy of an LTR? I've been in that arena at bars/clubs for a couple of years now due to what I do in the music venue, but I would not see anyone worthwhile of my time there. I have a lot of musician friends, DJ's...etc...the last place they would look for a worthwhile relationship is in a bar/club. They value the relationships they have outside of that dynamic and they didn't meet them there. I hope that you understand what I am saying because there should be two scenarios here....A: You go to the club with your girlfriends to have fun and blow off steam, dance your heart out and have zero expectations because it has no reflection on you (think of all the women those pulls have already met there)...or B: You meet someone outside of the club and bring him out as a date to have fun (or other places that really mean something)...then you are with someone who is with you.

 

Guys in a bar/club do not appreciate that you turn down a drink because you are truly not interested in them, they just move on to the next woman. If you are looking for appreciation, you won't find it there or it would be a lot of work to take a man who is in that environment to pull them out of and see you as someone who is worthwhile....in other words, go against your own integrity. Not worth it.

[willowthewisp]

just a coffee?... ok i`l have coffee with you , where and when?

 

WTH.. Isn't like a, Harry Potter, word for kissing? So if a lady comes up to me and says they want to snog, it is just a kiss?

 

Willow I will have a cup of coffee with you on Skype.

 

LOL well you two are just saying that because Gallon said I look a ringer for Lisa Kelly! LOL COnsensus at work is that I don't really, they all said I have similar facial features but look different and that only some pics of her look a bit like me, but certainly no ringer! She's far far more attractive than I am.

 

I`m sorry i upset you, that was the last thing i wanted to do.

 

So what do you do?? The opposite of what you`re doing now, cos that clearly is not working and it`s making you miserable??

 

Where do you go looking for than `just a snog`?

 

Clubs? Pubs? Wine bars?

 

Men + Alcohol = a nightmare ( any guy here denies that... you are lying)

 

So you asked, where do you meet these guys?

 

Next time you`re shopping take a look around, not at the shelves, at the guys.

 

Next time your queuing , anywhere, look around, no ones likes queuing and it`s something you both have in common.

 

It`s not going to drop out the sky and land at your feet!!!

 

But the more you `WANT` something, the less chance you have of getting it

 

You haven't upset me.

 

Tried all that, I meet people all the time, I'm very sociable, I have friends I met on the bus and train and even got a job (before my current one) through a girl I met on a train into uni. I have yet to meet any guy who wants to get chatting to you in a shop!

 

 

What you should be proud of is that you do act with integrity, but it's where you are acting with integrity if you know what I mean (a bar/club)? And sometimes there are circumstances where you act with integrity outside of that environment, but that is not reflective that there is anything wrong with you (other circumstances that you posted about previously and did the right thing).

 

I don't know what you are reffering to?

 

 

Perhaps a different way to look at things, just a suggestion....go to the bars/clubs with your friends to have fun. Be you, every bit of you because at the end of the night, if you really look at the people there, are they worthy of an LTR? I've been in that arena at bars/clubs for a couple of years now due to what I do in the music venue, but I would not see anyone worthwhile of my time there. I have a lot of musician friends, DJ's...etc...the last place they would look for a worthwhile relationship is in a bar/club. They value the relationships they have outside of that dynamic and they didn't meet them there. I hope that you understand what I am saying because there should be two scenarios here....A: You go to the club with your girlfriends to have fun and blow off steam, dance your heart out and have zero expectations because it has no reflection on you (think of all the women those pulls have already met there)...or B: You meet someone outside of the club and bring him out as a date to have fun (or other places that really mean something)...then you are with someone who is with you.

 

Guys in a bar/club do not appreciate that you turn down a drink because you are truly not interested in them, they just move on to the next woman. If you are looking for appreciation, you won't find it there or it would be a lot of work to take a man who is in that environment to pull them out of and see you as someone who is worthwhile....in other words, go against your own integrity. Not worth it.

 

No not woth it Trippi, but where "outside" of these venues do people go to find someone? Online dating? Tried that. Clubs? Meetup.com? Tried that. I know in the US people are happy to chat and meet people in parks, book stores, coffee shops but if you go up to anyone in a park here or a coffee place they will look at you like you are mental!

 

Think I'm just going to have to resign myself to a life alone. I can't even get out to bars as much anymore because I have no girlfiends to go out with out most weekends, them all having "found" their someone on previous nights out with me and are no longer interested in going out with me of a Saturday night, preferring to spend all their free time with their boyfriend. I don't even have the option of a meal or cinema with friends, so I am stuck in the house, getting rejected on dating sites instead but without the fun of having a drink and a dance. My friends are even starting to bail out on my birthday night out now..in favour of spending it with their boyfriends.

[riverratt]

LOL well you two are just saying that because Gallon said I look a ringer for Lisa Kelly! LOL COnsensus at work is that I don't really, they all said I have similar facial features but look different and that only some pics of her look a bit like me, but certainly no ringer! She's far far more attractive than I am.

 

No I'm not. Being serious. If you don't mind having a couple of coffee with an ugly person. I don't either.

 

I didn't ask for a "snog" LOL

[willowthewisp]

No I'm not. Being serious. If you don't mind having a couple of coffee with an ugly person. I don't either.

 

I didn't ask for a "snog" LOL

 

LOL :laugh:

 

I meant to answer about the meaning of snog earlier and forgot.

 

Yes it's a kiss but kind of a long one and sometimes a bit more :love: lol I guess you guys call it making out?! I think.

 

A "Harry Potter" word???????????????? lol

[riverratt]

A "Harry Potter" word???????????????? lol

 

Yeh, They refer to "snogging" in Harry Potter movies. I figured it was a HP only thing..

 

So the Snog is before the wand?

[SuperGeek]

Guys in a bar/club do not appreciate that you turn down a drink because you are truly not interested in them, they just move on to the next woman. If you are looking for appreciation, you won't find it there or it would be a lot of work to take a man who is in that environment to pull them out of and see you as someone who is worthwhile....in other words, go against your own integrity. Not worth it.

 

This is why i don't go to bars and hit on women AT ALL. There is no freaking point. Rejection probability is 99%. Just forget the bar scene unless the girl is drunk and in that case it's not even worth the risks/legal issues.

 

Guys are screwed in this new feminist 'equal' society. OP, I think you need to start asking out guys yourself. Why not? Women should be able to do everything that men can do right? Isn't that what feminism and equality is all about these days? Waited long enough for guys to approach you? Time to Woman up and start approaching them. Start asking out the guys yourself if nobody is biting. A lot of guys like myself that have been burned just don't give a **** anymore and will not try that hard.

 

The reason guys don't approach women is two reasons:

 

1) They calculate the probability of rejection to be very high

2) They don't find the girl attractive.

3) They don't give a ****.

 

Most of the time it's for reason #1. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Wish it wasn't, but most guys are tired of getting rejected all the time and that's including myself. I'm no Brad Pitt so i have to live with the crappy odds like most normal guys do.

 

Try approaching us and live in our world for a few days where scoring a girlfriend is like winning the freaking lottery.

 

Besides, both sexes are equal now, so there should be no shame in asking out men yourself. Traditional courtship, traditional marriage, blah blah... all that has gone out the window now. You want some action? Start hitting on the guys yourself.

 

You say you like to work out and you want a guy that's in shape? Go to the gym and work out regularly there. Guaranteed you'll have guys paying attention to you. Oh but i forgot, the gym isn't a place to pick up women? Darn, scratch that idea.

 

not sure what else to say. IT'S EVEN WORSE FOR MEN.

 

SuperGeek

Edited September 21, 2012 by SuperGeek

[riverratt]

Geek, I agree. The dating game today is not like it was.

Seems more people I know are having better luck on line.

Of coarse it does matter if you want a hook up or a relashionship.

 

 

Looks matter a lot more now then they used to, I think.

It is messed up that there are very good people that look average

And are 5'8". They do not seem to have much luck.

[willowthewisp]

This is why i don't go to bars and hit on women AT ALL. There is no freaking point. Rejection probability is 99%. Just forget the bar scene unless the girl is drunk and in that case it's not even worth the risks/legal issues.

 

Guys are screwed in this new feminist 'equal' society. OP, I think you need to start asking out guys yourself. Why not? Women should be able to do everything that men can do right? Isn't that what feminism and equality is all about these days? Waited long enough for guys to approach you? Time to Woman up and start approaching them. Start asking out the guys yourself if nobody is biting. A lot of guys like myself that have been burned just don't give a **** anymore and will not try that hard.

 

The reason guys don't approach women is two reasons:

 

1) They calculate the probability of rejection to be very high

2) They don't find the girl attractive.

3) They don't give a ****.

 

Most of the time it's for reason #1. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Wish it wasn't, but most guys are tired of getting rejected all the time and that's including myself. I'm no Brad Pitt so i have to live with the crappy odds like most normal guys do.

 

Try approaching us and live in our world for a few days where scoring a girlfriend is like winning the freaking lottery.

 

Besides, both sexes are equal now, so there should be no shame in asking out men yourself. Traditional courtship, traditional marriage, blah blah... all that has gone out the window now. You want some action? Start hitting on the guys yourself.

 

You say you like to work out and you want a guy that's in shape? Go to the gym and work out regularly there. Guaranteed you'll have guys paying attention to you. Oh but i forgot, the gym isn't a place to pick up women? Darn, scratch that idea.

 

not sure what else to say. IT'S EVEN WORSE FOR MEN.

 

SuperGeek

 

Hey Supergeek, um I don't think you read all of my thread? Otherwise you would know that I do already approach men. You would also have seen other guys on this thread advise me to stop doing that as it puts men off???

 

Anyway, I know how you feel because I am approaching and not scoring a boyfriend so I guess it's the same for both of us.

[willowthewisp]

Yeh, They refer to "snogging" in Harry Potter movies. I figured it was a HP only thing..

 

So the Snog is before the wand?

 

LOL no it's not a Happry Potter word! It's a British word that has been used long before Harry Potter.

 

And

 

RUDE!

[riverratt]

And

 

RUDE!

 

Oh. Ok.. I won't say that again.

[SuperGeek]

Geek, I agree. The dating game today is not like it was.

Seems more people I know are having better luck on line.

Of coarse it does matter if you want a hook up or a relashionship.

 

 

Looks matter a lot more now then they used to, I think.

It is messed up that there are very good people that look average

And are 5'8". They do not seem to have much luck.

 

Yeah, well my neighbor (female - slightly above average) has a profile on a few online dating sites and she gets about 300 emails a day literally from guys. So yeah if you're female, it's really not that hard to have at least options.

 

I work out and keep in good shape. Have a good job, degree, no criminal record. I get on a dating site and get ZERO replies. haha. Nothing. So screw it all. Just gonna pay for it if you know what I mean. Don't care anymore. Dating is just too much work...

 

Completely DONE with the game,

 

SuperGeek

[riverratt]

Coop, I am assuming looks in the slightly above average.

 

I have heard the same about the dating sights. Who knows.

[willowthewisp]

lol...when did SNOG become rude?

Not the snog bit the wand bit! lol

[tojaz]

i guess i`m missing out on the `wand` bit!

 

I also think that maybe if the OP knew LESS about the `wand` bit, and

actually got on with her life, she wouldn`t have to `quote" me on it or ( this will hopefully give her a kick), bore me with it..

 

a snog, a `wand`,

 

I would say that Willow has "gotten on" with her life quite admirably from where she was 3 years ago, even accomplishing more then most people under normal circumstances would accomplish in that time.

 

 

TOJAZ

[Steen719]

Lol lol lol :lmao::lmao:

 

I thought wand was a magic wand from Harry Potter books. Good God, how I laughed at myself!

[riverratt]

Not the snog bit the wand bit! lol

 

Sorry.

 

Bad joke but will you admit it was a little clever?

[riverratt]

i guess you mean ` dating sites`? As in `online` ones???

 

Yeh, My internal auto correct failed me. The on-line ones.