princesss Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 How many have you get jealous for something small? If you're significant other was talking to someone of the opposite gender, do you get jealous? If they're texting someone of the opposite gender do you get jealous? Why or why not?
Greznog Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I don't ever get jealous because there's no point. If she wants to bang someone else im not going to stop her, if I find out she can **** off, but it doesn't bother me in a jealousy sense.
weallfalldown Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 each to their own, but too much can be destructive.....i'm a scorpio...
nessaaa Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 If he's having endless conversations with the opposite sex, yes I get jealous. There no reason to be texting and chatting up other females... I should be the only girl he enjoys talking to.
RiverRunning Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Talking to another woman? No. If he's paying an unusual amount of attention to her (we'll say we're in a large group, yet he's chosen to talk to this woman for 10 or more minutes about something I know he's not even interested in) and he's showing flirty body language, I'd get jealous. Talking to an ex-girlfriend? Immediate jealousy and ass-kicking prompted. I don't deal with that **** anymore - it's NEVER as innocent as it seems on the surface. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I should be the only girl he enjoys talking to. If that doesn't scream insecurity, I don't know what does. 1
january2011 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 In my opinion, it's never okay to be jealous. But it's okay to find the situation unacceptable when your romantic partner's behaviour damages your relationship. 2
nessaaa Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 If that doesn't scream insecurity, I don't know what does. it is what it is. I want all his attention if not he can fuxk off. You can't trust guys.. That's the prob with most girls they put too much trust into these guys, that's all fine and dandy but guys are not trust worthy "we were just talking" next thing u know they are ****ing lolz. There's no reason to be texting other chicks on the regular unless it's a long time friend and I know her, or family of course. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Jealousy is a feeling - and feelings are OK. It's a feeling of insecurity or fear that your partner may take a fancy to someone else over you. If you're feeling jealous, ask yourself two questions: 1. Is my partner doing anything disrespectful to our relationship? (Texting a random woman, flirting with another woman at a party, ogling other women, etc.) 2. Am I experiencing an overblown sense of fear while my partner is doing normal, appropriate things? (Talking to a female colleague at a work function, interacting with female staff at places of business, etc.) If it's #1, he needs to adjust his behavior. If it's #2, you need to find a way to put your overblown fears to rest. When I'm with a respectful, honest guy, I don't feel jealous at all. I just became official with this great guy, and among the several fears and doubts I have felt, jealousy has never been one of them. That's because he behaves in a very respectful, transparent way - so I don't have to wonder. 6
pteromom Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Never. What's the point of jealousy? You are sitting there pouting because someone else isn't being who you want them to be. It's silly. So if you find yourself jealous, first, talk to your partner and explain how you are feeling. If he adjusts behavior for you, great. If not, you have to decide whether you can be in a relationship with him as he is. 3
melodymatters Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I think the term "jealousy" in modern society has too much of a negative connotation. Those of us who read, a lot, and keep up with progressing societal norms don't want to dare be thought of as " CO-DEPENDANT" or "INSECURE". In reality, I think a lot of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, that may fall into those categories are not only normal, but HEALTHY for relationships. Your primary relationship should come first, waaay first and if indeed it is the most important thing in our lives as so many espouse, than should you not be ... as wary... as protective... as when say a bunch of hoodlums are leaning on your car, or your boss is seen lunching with a competitor for your job ? Obviously, it can get sick, unhealthy and one sided, but we're animals folks ! If my dog can sense enemies, why can't I ? I personally can tell 99% of the time if someone is flirting with me or my husband whereas he can be completely clueless until it smacks him in the face. I love this subject and could go on, but don't want to bore y'all with my theories... 1
pteromom Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Your primary relationship should come first, waaay first and if indeed it is the most important thing in our lives as so many espouse, than should you not be ... as wary... as protective... as when say a bunch of hoodlums are leaning on your car No. Because a car is yours to protect. It cannot protect itself. Your partner is not a car. He is a person with his own personality, values, beliefs, and ideals. If you are jealous because some skanky looking girl is leaning on your car, errrrr, man, it is up to you to explain how you feel to him. It's then up to him to respond to your feelings. It's then up to you whether his response works for you or not.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 : There's no reason to be texting other chicks on the regular unless it's a long time friend and I know her, or family of course. You didn't say texting, you said talking. If I ran into a co-worker while out running errands and caught up with her over a cup of coffee for 15-20 minutes, you would freak out if you walked by. That's how your post reads, you would freak out because we are not related and she is a woman.
nessaaa Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 You didn't say texting, you said talking. If I ran into a co-worker while out running errands and caught up with her over a cup of coffee for 15-20 minutes, you would freak out if you walked by. That's how your post reads, you would freak out because we are not related and she is a woman. and you wouldn't be like WTF if u seen ur gf having coffee with a guy you didn't know? U wouldn't feel a slight bit of jealousy at first not knowing it was a co worker? 2
Lonely Ronin Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 and you wouldn't be like WTF if u seen ur gf having coffee with a guy you didn't know? U wouldn't feel a slight bit of jealousy at first not knowing it was a co worker? No, because a woman doesn't get the GF label with me until I feel I can trust her.
nessaaa Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 No, because a woman doesn't get the GF label with me until I feel I can trust her. Your heart would jump in that scenario.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't really get jealous per se. My ex explicitly mentioned that he finds this or that woman on the street to be "hot". He always ogled women in front of me. That bothered me immensely, but didn't really make me jealous. It bothered me because it was inappropriate behavior on his part, for someone who was supposedly in a relationship. It made me wonder if we were really in a relationship or a FWB situation. It also made me see other red flags I had ignored, which made me realize that he was treating this as a FWB arrangement. I don't want a guy to be wasting my time if he's into that sort of thing -- if he's not satisfied with just one woman, the woman he's dating, he can go and get himself a harem, but I won't be part of it.
monkey00 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't at all. Whether a SO flirts for fun or talks to an opposite sex, it doesn't bother me...almost everyone does it. There has to be a certain level of trust between us. You can't expect to know every little detail that happens throughout their day. In fact there are some other there who do get turned on or kind of like it when their partner gets a little jealousy, I guess it's because it shows they care about them. A real problem though is if the person intentionally makes you jealous and does it obviously in front of you in a disrespectful manner. No one should put up with that kind of behavior.
irc333 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't ever get jealous because there's no point. If she wants to bang someone else im not going to stop her, if I find out she can **** off, but it doesn't bother me in a jealousy sense. Everyone get's jealous to a certain extent, to not get jealous, is to not be human. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I get jealous of everything oh well....
DC4 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Jealousy is a feeling - and feelings are OK. It's a feeling of insecurity or fear that your partner may take a fancy to someone else over you. If you're feeling jealous, ask yourself two questions: 1. Is my partner doing anything disrespectful to our relationship? (Texting a random woman, flirting with another woman at a party, ogling other women, etc.) 2. Am I experiencing an overblown sense of fear while my partner is doing normal, appropriate things? (Talking to a female colleague at a work function, interacting with female staff at places of business, etc.) If it's #1, he needs to adjust his behavior. If it's #2, you need to find a way to put your overblown fears to rest. When I'm with a respectful, honest guy, I don't feel jealous at all. I just became official with this great guy, and among the several fears and doubts I have felt, jealousy has never been one of them. That's because he behaves in a very respectful, transparent way - so I don't have to wonder. I think this is the perfect answer. #1 is going to be different for everyone. My ex would oogle women and it just amused me, really. My thought was "really? Go ahead and talk to her and let me know how it goes." My jealously hot buttons were things like ditching me for work. Writing code really sounds like a better time than taking me to dinner
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Jealously has it's rightful place. It's not *just* an emotion of insecurity. It can be an emotion of a warning bell that something isn't right with your relationship.It actually can be useful. Sometimes it sparks someone into action or reminds someone what they have. Although, I wouldn't get jealous of someone texting another female or talking to them. Those aren't exactly salcious acts rooted in lust. I guess the things that make me feel jealous are the ones that are more connected to sexual, physical or emotional desire for another.
thatone Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 i actually see these things as a worthwhile test. background: my gf and i are long distance until my house is sold, but i do travel to her every couple weeks and we've rented a house together in her city, we've been together 9 months now. two scenarios... A) i told her before we were together that I had a FWB arrangement with another woman who lives near me in the city I haven't left yet. when we ended that arrangement the FWB met another guy pretty soon afterward. we have met up together after my current gf and i were together, but not just the 2 of us. for example the ex FWB and her new BF came by to use my shop awhile back (i have a cabinet shop at my house, they wanted to build a simple piece of furniture and learn how to do so, so i helped them). that woman and i have also attended an event or two with mutual friends of ours, but not alone. i keep a respectable boundary, basically. B) i had a trip planned to meet friends in another part of the country before we met. she couldn't take off work to go so i went alone. all of these friends are younger (mid 20s) and of course that means they have younger single women around (my gf and i are both 35). i made no apology about the trip whatsoever, and did not even begin to entertain any insecurity about it on her part. plane and concert tickets were bought months in advance so i was going whether she liked it or not. i saw these situations as insecurity/crazy tests, and used them as such. if my gf would've gone all psycho on me and started blowing up my phone, or stalking me or the ex FWB, or snooping my phone, or any other such thing during any of this, that would've been a clear sign that she was't worth my time and we wouldn't be together right now. it was also a test of trust. i was completely honest about all of these situations, nothing was ever hidden and i didn't lie about any of it. she had a choice of either trusting me or not. she passed the tests, we're still together, that about sums it up.
Leigh 87 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) Jealously has it's rightful place. It's not *just* an emotion of insecurity. It can be an emotion of a warning bell that something isn't right with your relationship.It actually can be useful. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. It is sort of like how having to move away from one another determines if you truly miss each other. I do not get jealous of my partner and girls, and I have been highly insecure for most of my life. He just makes me feel like I am the only girl he is into and wants to spend a lot of time with. If I genuinely felt threatened, I would know something was amiss in our relationship....If I felt threatened in a way that extended beyond my own personal insecurity (as many of us have some degree of uncertaintly and self doubt in our relationships) First of all, there should be no sending hundreds of texts a day to a member of the opposite sex in a committed relationship. Your partner should want to spend most of their free time with you; it is a red flag if they prefer to spend more of their time with another person. It is even bad if the want to spend as much time with another person as they spend with you. You should be the one they spend most of their time with above anyone else. Without them being obsessive in any way. Edited September 25, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote
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