A Good heart Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Our relationship was like a rocket 21/2 months ago, after 1 month she got pregnant and we agreed on abortion because it was too early, the she left for a vacation with her girlfriends coming back sick(beacuse of the pregancy), I made the mistake of being all over her, after 2 days (2days before the abortion date)she wanted to break up saying she wanted space, I was angry, I gave her space for a week to know that she was talking to her ex, then I went to her house after sending flowers, we made out and she came back after I promised to be serious and to make the relationship serious also,. Then after 3 days she broke up with me again saying she felt pitty on me and not love , so I said ok goodbye and please forgive me for everything wrong I have done then after 2 days she sent an email describing me as a great guy but that she want ready for me and for my intensity and she wishes we could be friends,I replied that we could be friends after I forget her and I advise her tyo leave me alone After 7 days she wanted me back again but she wanted us to go slow and I agreed ,and then yesterday after she disappeared for 2 days I confronted her and she said things are not gonna work and she does not love me , so I told her to leave me alone and not to talk to me anymore, I cannot tolerate the idea of being dumped 3 times in 1 month after being so forgiving and she was not able to forgive the abortion. I am starting to get over her but I would appreciate an analysis of the is situation and is the girl heartless or crazy or confused. I am 29 she is 23, both of us good looking , she has a history of an alcoholic mother and a father who left her when she was born so she spent her childhood with an abusive (verbally not sexually) stepfather and 3 delinquent sisters and she thinks she is a nobody and that she does not believe my promises of seriousness.....
disconcertainly Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 This is peobably not what you want to hear but.... She is young and you guys are probably at different stages in your life. If it is meant to be it will be. Give her time.... And I know all to well that no contact is the hardest. You need to give her a chance to see what its like without you. Sometimes you do not really miss something until its gone. Good Luck! And I know its hard but keep your head up.
Raz Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Hello hello, she obviously doesn't know what she wants...obviously you want to be with her since you let her break up with you 3 times in one month. Yeah thats right you let her..... If I was you and I am not but, I would do one of two things: 1. Take her back for the last time and keep her in check hard core and make it look like you care that she is there with you and if it doesn't work out then that is the last time. 2. Next time she says lets get back together, tell her I am sorry, but I cant have that, because I cant keep playing these games with you. One day your hear and then next day you dissapear. This isnt a magic act its a relationship, its being through hard times together and knowing that you are going to be there for each other. You have to make it sound like you care about what she is doing to you. Thats it in a nut shell. You see she is old enough to play games you are not. You are almost 30 man. Ohh and one other thing....the whole history lesson on her side of the family was great but what about yours... your the good Christian type right? Its not just her fault too because you think she had problems when she was little its both of your faults.
Good heart Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 I am not the good christian type, remember the abortion part. The issue is I could not leave her because I love her and I felt guilty towards her, she is nice and sweet and goodhearted and I made her go through all the trouble of pregnancy and abortion, she did not cheat on me, never called me names, never annoyed me. I am thinking of your options but I do not think I can handle a 4th breakup, each time she wanted a breakup I tried a little bit to convince her but she would say the terrible phrase "I do not want you anymore, I do not Love you" while crying and then I felt it was over , then she comes back agitated because of my absence. I think leaving her for some time may heal her injuries and she might think of the good times we spent together. the only thing that bugs me is the fact that I lost somebody I loved in a dramatic way and I want to go for an intelligent plan to get her to love me again , not to get back to me and break up with me because i remind her of something she wants to forget, I want her to come back and keep a positive image of me in her mind. My family history is rather stable, although I lost my mother because of cancer when I was a child , my father was supportive and gave me a very good education, no alcohol problems no drugs no crazy stepmother.
crazyconfused Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Has she had a bad relationship in the last few years. She sounds a lot like the way I was 3 years ago. I pushed him away went back and pushed away again. It wasnt because I didnt care for the guy it was because I was afraid he would turn out like my ex if I let him get too close. I would look into your heart and really think about how much she means to you. If you want to be with her then talk to her, tell her what she is doing to you. I am in the same situation with a guy at the moment and I dont know what to do about it anymore then you do but if she has been in a bad relationship and has been really hurt that may be the only problem. As for the abortion..... she didnt have to go through with it, it is her body and her choice. I wish you luck.
Good heart Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 She had a bad relationship with a guy 2 years ago, things went very fast like our relationship(but without a pregnancy) and the difference is that they moved together after 1 month then things went to the worst and she dumped him because he started to act weirdly, anyway he had a very bad job and he had problems with drugs. I do not think this is the issue here. I told her how much she means to me and I told her that she crushed me 3 times in my heart and caused me to be in emotional pain, but it seems that she only concentrates on how she feels about the relationship, maybe a 23 year girl is more self oriented, maybe she does not know the value of being loved, maybe she is afraid of my emotional intensity , I do not know. I was thinking about going to her house this afternoon and talking to her but I think this will scare her and she will lose respect for me, in addition I do not want to repeat the same stuff again to her.....
crazyconfused Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 I wouldnt go over there or even call her then. If she knows how you feel then you have done everything you can. I completely understand that you dont want to be hurt again. Since you two werent together that long maybe she needs to have time or maybe shes just not ready for a relationship ( a serious one at least). She is pretty young so that may have a lot to do with it. If you dont want to be hurt again then dont let her.. dont take her back until you and she are sure shes ready to stay. Now if I can follow my own advice, its a little harder for me I have 3 years invested. Emotionally Im sure its a lot alike though so I feel for ya I really do.
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