Ex owes me money. What's the best way to do this 7 months after breakup?

[jdids247]

My ex-fiancee of 6 years and I split earlier this year and she still owes me money from a debt she claimed she would start to pay in April. This was an ongoing thing even when we were together. We ended on bad terms, came back around trying to be amicable since we needed to cut our losses, and had another falling out at the end. We haven't had *any* contact since the end of March/beginning of April.

 

She had the option of wiping the debt away to work on our problems but she refused, thus choosing to start making payments to me. I will not call her or meet up with her to ask for money she told me she would pay, I feel as an adult I shouldn't have to go out of my way to ask for what is mine.

 

I found an old DVD of hers while unpacking in my new home. I plan on mailing it along with a letter to her job (since I don't want to call and find her address).

 

The letter would read something along the lines of "Found your movie while unpacking. I'm still waiting on the debt you owe me that you were going to start paying in April. I did you a favor by loaning you money and you refused my offer to erase the debt. Here's my account number: xxx-xxxxx-xxxx.

 

Do you think there's a better way to approach this or should I just wing it? I guess I have nothing to lose since I haven't seen the cash the way it is.

[carhill]

IMO, up to you how much and how long you want to keep this issue in front of you. Myself, and I've been there, having gone through a divorce, I consider money and stuff, to a certain degree, to be 'severance pay'.

 

If the debt is 'off the books', meaning you don't have a legal contract, and/or it is for a modest/moderate amount, generally within the purvue of small claims in your jurisdiction, I'd balance the stress and time of collection with the amount and prospect for collection. To me, time and sanity have great value. YMMV.

 

I wouldn't give her your account number.

 

Her refusal of your offer to 'erase the debt' is a social technique. It saves face. It's just words. You've seen the truth; that's actions.

 

Good luck.

[jdids247]

Unfortunately it is off the books. Live and learn I guess...the things you do for the people you love and care about, right?

 

Funny thing is she still has my account number from when we were living together, so I'm not worried about that.

 

Actions do speak louder than words and that goes along with the immaturity and selfishness she showed the last year of our relationship. You're right...she was just telling me what I wanted to hear.

 

Thanks for the advice. Either way I'm going to send her the DVD...althought it's meaningless now. Just need to get everything of hers out of my system,

[CarrieT]

How much money?

 

A few hundred? I'd forget about it...

 

In excess of a thousand? Then send a certified, registered letter demanding payment - professional and not personal! In the letter, give guidelines that you are willing to abide to on repayment; be it payments or a specific date, that you know she is capable of meeting.

 

State in the letter that if the arrangement is complied with you are going to take her to small claims court. Follow through with the process.

 

Again, this is business and not personal. Make the letter a professional one ONLY and should not involve any personal issues or feelings.

[Greznog]

You're never going to see that money again. Lesson learned, never ever give someone money unless you consider it a gift. Especially women.

[jdids247]

Carrie,

 

I'm not one to cry over a hundred bucks since that's easily a movie, dinner, and drinks for a date.

 

We're talking about a couple grand here. I've helped her out so much the past 6 years I'm trying to think of the nice brand new ATV I could have bought myself It's time for her to start seeing that there will be consequences for her actions. Time to act like an adult.

 

Small claims is certainly something up my alley. She defaulted on her student loans too...something for leverage I guess if it comes down to it.

 

Green,

 

At the time I fell for the 'I'll pay you this much up front and make payments....blah blah blah...'. I should ahve gotten it in writing but I figured since we were getting married she'd start to take some responsibility. She did pay me a lump sum up front though....I will give her at least that.

[CarrieT]

State in the letter that if the arrangement is complied with you are going to take her to small claims court. Follow through with the process.

 

I meant to say that if the arrangement is NOT complied with you will take her to small claims court.

 

It is likely you may never see the money, but having a judgement against her could help you with your taxes and whatnot.

[Radu]

If it's possible to prove it in court, i'd say go for it.

 

And if you really don't like her, sell the debt to a collection agency.