naomii Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I've known him for going on 2 1/2 years now. In the beginning we were just friends w/ benefits (for the first year, and yes it was what i wanted at the time). For the past 7 months, we've become very close. We've been through a lot together and have always made it through and kept seeing eachother. We are not seeing anyone but eachother and it has been that way for almost a year now. He is 24 and I am 21. I have a tendency to overreact/nag about things and he can't stand it. Once he told me that it pushes him away, I calmed down a lot. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. Other than that, everything was perfect between us. We loved spending time together. It went from being perfect to him completely ignoring me in one days time. I got jealous about a friend of his and wanted to make sure they were JUST friends. I didnt listen, and nagged him about it. I know for sure they are just friends at this point, no doubt in my mind, but now I cant take back what I did. He has been ignoring me completely for 4 or 5 days now. The first day i was upset that he was ignoring me, so I didnt try to contact him again until the next day. I then apologized and told him I know i overreacted, that I was sorry. No response. That night, I went out and had a few drinks with a friend of mine and sent him a couple drunk texts (really bad on my part, I knew it would just make things worse but I was emotional), telling him I wish he'd talk to me and let me know hes ok. No response. Then on day 3 I tried to talk to him again. Still no response, so I told him I'd leave him alone since that's what he wants and I hope hes okay. It's been 2 days now since i've tried talking to him. I've decided to go no contact since he's not interested in speaking to me. Is this his way of ending it with me? After everything? Or is he just trying to make a point to me that he wants the nagging to stop? I know it really pissed him off, and he's probably tired of it, but do you think he'll forgive me? I've been a wreck and miss him and cant bare the thought that he'd end it with me by ignoring me. He hasnt told me to leave him alone, hasnt blocked my number, hes just flat out not saying anything! He deactivated his facebook altogether instead of deleting me, which hes deactivated it many times before (but this is the first time hes done it because hes mad at me) but always comes back to it. Do you think he'll come around in time if I give him space? Or is it really over?
january2011 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 It does seem as though he's doing the passive-aggressive fade-out. Since you've contacted him numerous times with no response, I suggest that you stop trying to get in touch with him and move on. Although you mention that you became close, it's not clear that your FB transitioned into a serious relationship. This might explain why he is ignoring you. That is, your behaviour overstepped the boundaries that he expected from your "relationship." It suggests that he has decided to be non-confrontational and hope that you get the hint rather than be honest and open about discussing these events with you. In my opinion, a guy who is not open and honest in his communications with intimate partners does not make good relationship material. You dodged a bullet. 1
CptSaveAho Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) As a guy... i dont enter relationships with FB's As a guy... i dont have any "JUST" friends... I have friends. JUST is an emotional term to define the undefined at a certain point in time. To convince oneself of something thats not necessarily true You know whats going on, you are a smart girl. Its over, you just have to get control of your emotions Edited August 28, 2012 by CptSaveAho
Author naomii Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 Well, to say it's over for good isnt true. We've had arguments before where we've stopped speaking, and he always comes back to me. Even as a friend, whether were in a relationship or not, I still cant picture him completely ending our friendship like this. But I guess i'd better get over it and move on.
Crila16 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 The fact that you even feel this way, where you nag (even if it's once in a while) or you get jealous. I'm sorry...but he ignored you. You reacted to his bad behavior. Why are you apologizing and blaming yourself? Get a backbone girl. This guy is so lax about the relationship with you. He's not going to ever step up to the plate for you, because he doesn't have to. You hand yourself to him in a pretty little package with a bow on top. He knows he doesn't have to work for you and you'll dish out whatever he throws at you, only to have you fall apart...and he just has to say "I'm not doing this anymore." Someone who really cares about you would be more concerned about your feelings. They would never let you feel this way. The minute they saw you sad or upset...would be the minute they would make sure you didn't feel that way. I was asked out by another guy right in front of my boyfriend last week. It was a guy I was playing team darts with when my boyfriend walked in to meet me. He got a little jealous...and I could tell he was getting upset. I got upset in turn and made sure my boyfriend felt sure that I was with him. I turned to the guy and said very loudly "I'm sorry...I can't go out with you. I'm with my boyfriend." He felt so good that I did that...and I was happy he felt good. That's what someone does when they are into you. If you want to see things turn around, stop with the being weak over this guy and stand up for yourself. Until you're more confident, he's going to keep walking all over you. The minute you stop chasing after him and apologizing and sticking up for yourself...is the minute things will turn around. You're not wrong...he's wrong. He's bringing out your insecurities and you keep apologizing to him. This guy is brilliant. NC with him. Take back the power. Show him that he's not all that and you can find someone willing to give you what you want. Confidence is such a turn on.
Author naomii Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) Thank you, Crila. You are right. He knows he can treat me however he wants. And the part where you mentioned your boyfriend getting jealous, well my guy gets that way too. One of his good friends (hes known him for YEARS) was harrassing me, trying to get with me, and it made my guy so upset. He wanted to kill his friend and he no longer talks to him. He even wanted to call him up and tell him to back off me, but his friend had turned his phone off, so he let it go. Then the next day he made sure that his friend had stopped harrassing me because he saw how upset it was making me. I'm sure he has some feelings for me, he just has to have things his way or no way at all.. I am doing NC for sure. I apologized once, that's enough. If he cares about me he knows where to find me. I'm sure he'll start to wonder why I gave up on him so easily if I stop trying to get him back, which I did starting two days ago. Edited August 28, 2012 by naomii
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