HeartOnSleeve Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 When my boyfriend moves across the country in 2 months we will have been dating for only 5 months! Feels like we have been together for a long time. I'm really trying to stay positive and just enjoy our time now and not dwell on his leaving but I can't help but wonder sometimes if it's going to be worth it? Will he freak out before he leaves etc. Have any of you had successful LDR that resulted in you ending up together? What are the best ways to go about discussing the situation with out it being a "talk". Did most enter an LDR with more time under the relationships belt etc. Thanks!!!
Zyux Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Don't doubt yourself a stay positive, I've been with my girlfriend for eight months and our nine month was her second day in college. I am committed to her and her to me. I've doubted myself but I always run scenarios through my head and I take a step back and tell myself "this is the person I love, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, it IS worth it". Unless there is a reason for you not trust them just go with the flow, that's all you can do. I always stressed communication in my relationship, ALWAYS. I knew from the get go that it was unbelievably important because I saw my family crumble due to it. Parents were divorced, fought, no communication, got remarried to someone else and now I'm dealing with it again. One is wobbly (father's marriage) and the other one (mother's marriage) is just hell because I have to live with it and experience it everyday. Without communication it's hopeless and don't ever feel pressured to talk to your counterpart. If you want to talk, just talk. Tell them how you feel, ask them how they're feeling, open up. Communication is the only thing keeping it alive when you're far apart. 2
justwhoiam Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 When my boyfriend moves across the country in 2 months we will have been dating for only 5 months! Feels like we have been together for a long time. I'm really trying to stay positive and just enjoy our time now and not dwell on his leaving but I can't help but wonder sometimes if it's going to be worth it? If you are wondering about that, your feelings are between light and moderate. And I guess they need to be really strong to stand a LDR. But I don't know how long you'll have to be in this LDR. If it's 3 months, you can make it. If it's 2 years... I wouldn't bet on a happy ending. But you never know... Wait for other opinions, anyway.
january2011 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I've been in an LDR for just over a year. We have talked about our future together but don't have any solid plans yet as we're both in transition. My relationship isn't successful by the definition that you've given your OP. That is, we are not physically together on a permanent basis. However, hitting the year mark, given everything that's going on in our lives and the fact that we are thousands of miles apart, is pretty close to successful in my book. I agree with the previous posters regarding the importance of communication and having a medium-term timeline in place. Unless you are have plans to remove the "LD" from "LDR," things are always going to be up in the air and uncertain. If you cannot live with this state of affairs, at least for a little while, then an LDR is not for you. As an aside, I know of one current LS couple who removed the "LD" and theirs was a cross-continental relationship that resulted in marriage.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 I feel as though we will be successful just trying to get myself ready for it all. I think the hard part is I just had a career change which will keep me in my current spot for at least another year or two. His career will be across the country and he doesn't have any reason to come back this way, EVER. So in reality I would be the one moving to end the LD. I am surprisingly ok with this and the fact that it would turn my world upside down and put in a place I never thought I would be. He understands this. We have great communication and both have the means to see one another. His job will keep him insanely busy for the first 2 years as will mine. Thank you for the advice. I feel like I have met someone really special and am not ready to let him go because of a little distance... that one day can be remedied. Always open to some good advice
HeavenOrHell Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 If it's worth it to you both, and you feel you have something special which doesn't come along too often, then it's worth it. LDR's aren't for everyone, they can be hard, lonely, frustrating and miserable at times, but that doesn't mean they're not worth it. Have as much communication as you can, plan the next visit, find ways to remain close/bonded. My partner is insanely busy/stressed with work but he still makes plenty of time for me, so it can be done. Time will tell whether it's worth continuing. Good luck! 1
Butterflying Posted September 3, 2012 Posted September 3, 2012 The key to success in any relationship is communication. However, you both have to WANT the relationship with each other. And you have to be honest. Communication is futile when lies are involved. So first make sure you both have the same desires and expectations. Communicate a way to deal with whatever feelings or challenges that come up. Always get a solution for the problems. **There will definately be some problems along the way** Just resolve them together. The rest of the advice is to respect, trust, love, and appreciate each other. Last but not least, unless you plan to be in the LDR forever (which you probably don't) start thinking about how you can be together at some point in the future. Now is too early; but as soon as you get a feel for how the relationship is progressing long distance, you'll need to have an idea how to take it to the next level.
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