Would you be happy to receive this letter?

[aanderson088]

My ex and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. 15 days to be exact. 5 days ago I told her I would give her the space she needs and I'll be a better man, should she decide to come back.

 

Anyone that's been cheated on, or betrayed, please read... Let me know if you would like to receive this letter.

 

 

 

Dear _______,

 

I still love you very much. I think about you every day when I wake up, every night before I go to sleep, and all day in between. I pray that God grants us the chance to come back together. I also ask that if that is not his will, to then give us the strength to move on. I don’t want to though, _______. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to attend church with you and build a relationship that is strong in our mutual, trust, love, respect, and faith. I’ll do everything differently. I never acknowledged how hard it was for you to keep forgiving me. I wish I had. I know now how powerful of a person it takes to do that over and over again.

You surprise me and impress me with your incredible resilience and willingness to forgive. Those qualities in you are perfect examples of why I found God. You took me to church to give me the chance to change. To provoke his movement in my heart and he truly has _______. His presence does make me stronger and my prayers to him are being heard. He makes me stronger every day, but for some reason, he won’t let me move from you. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other, but still. I remember everything you said about Him. I know now why you wished to practice your faith more. It’s an incredible feeling.

I want to pray with you and grow closer to God with you. You were my angel _______. You were brought to me, to show me to Him. I believe that. I’m incredibly grateful and I want to spend my life showing you that. I need to cherish you, and care for you. I want to make you smile and laugh and I want to make you feel safe and secure. You used to talk about how you need C.P.I.. I know I can give you what you need now.

 

Commitment-

_______, I am your’s. I will never stray again. I will make sure that you are taken care of and that you never have to worry about heart break again. I want to build our relationship and I want to start building a life together. I want to grow WITH you, not apart from you. You are my inspiration, and the love of my life. You’ve push me to new heights, emotionally and spiritually. I love you with all of my heart and I’ll never do anything again to push you away, or hurt you. I want to stay with you so we can get married, and have a house, and beautiful children. I told you a long time ago that I could spend the rest of my life with you. If you allowed me one more chance to make that happen, I would not squander it. I know now, that it is only you that I want and only you that I need. I love you _______.

 

Passion-

We share the same passions. I used to think that we didn’t, but I have found a love for animals and my family and my friends, the way that you have. We share love for things like movies, music, and art but I know that you are passionate about keeping your friends, and family safe and happy and I believe in that principle as well. My brother and I have gotten closer and I am always looking out for my dad and my mom. I have recently consoled them through a rough patch they just had. My dad was being a jerk, like I was and I urged him to rethink his actions. He did, and now they’re back on track. It made me feel so good to be there for them.

I know that I’m still fresh, but our faith in God is now a mutual passion. I have felt his love and the greatness that one does feel from it. I wish to walk a better path and continue living clean without lies, or deceit, or infidelity. I want to show God how much I love him by caring for you because after all, it was you that brought me to him. I want to attend church with you every Sunday and I want to build our faith together. I would love it if you would educate me on your knowledge of His word as well.

 

Intimacy-

Physically, I do not believe we have had any issues with this. However, emotionally we have. I’ve been cold, and distant, and inconsiderate of how you feel. I want to be there for you _______. I want to help you with your woes and worries. I want to be the rock you cling to in stormy waters and the hand that helps you out once they’ve stopped. I was too selfish and arrogant to give myself to you before but if you’ll take it, my heart, soul, and body are your’s _______. I want to kiss your hands and forehead and nose and your lips. I want to look you in the eyes and tell you I love you without uttering a single word. You’ll never feel alone again _______. Please just let me show you I love you forever.

 

 

I hope to hear from you soon and I love you dearly.

[pteromom]

No - I would want to see some ACTION on his part, not just pretty words.

 

In the letter, you say you will never stray again. The thing is, you are a liar (assuming you cheated, right?), so why should she believe a letter?

 

So what personal growth are you working on to ASSURE you will not cheat again? Are you going to therapy? Are you reading books on how to heal a relationship after an affair? Are you learning techniques on how to stay happy in a long-term relationship? If I got this letter, I'd want to see some ACTION being taken. Some serious work on yourself being done.

 

Otherwise, I would NOT give a second chance.

 

It's great to have an epiphany that you love her and want to be faithful. But that's easy to say when you are longing for her. But if she comes back, and a year down the road, you find yourself bored or interested in someone else, what is going to prevent you from cheating?

 

You need to do some work on yourself, and that is what is missing from your beautiful letter.

[january2011]

Religious mentions aside (I'm not religious), I would feel that it was too little too late. That is, if you felt all this, what compelled you to cheat? Including the religious mentions also seems as though you are using God and your ex's religious convictions to further your plans to get back with her, which may come across as manipulative and self-serving. That may not be your intention and more religious posters may not agree with my view.

 

From what I can gather in your OP, she tried to work through it but couldn't. I think that you need to accept that she did the best that she could and any further attempt to connect with her may amplify her pain.

 

I suggest that you do not send this letter and that you do not contact her again, so that she can heal and move on from the relationship. With time away from you, she may forgive you, but that should be on her terms and not yours.

[aanderson088]

January2011 - I was afraid she might feel that way as well. I'm not trying to manipulate her. I know how important it was to her that I find God. I tried praying one night about my mom and dad and the next day my mom told me that my dad had completely turned around and said he was sorry for returning to his old ways. I won't send it. I have it saved though, in case she reaches out to me.

 

 

Pteromom - I've been in counseling for a few months now. I'm on websites reading about repairing these types of things all day. I know where I went wrong and I know how I wish to prevent it happening again. This is actually just one of four letters I've written and not sent. I told her I would give her the space and time that she asked for, but if she wants to talk then I'll be happy to speak to her again. She didn't respond... I think that's good in comparison to the possibility of her saying "We're done, move on, I have." How can I show her these things if she doesn't want to speak to me? At this point, my current strategy is to just admit that we're DONE. I'll be healing and doing these things regardless of her being in my life or not. I'm only 23, so I know I'll love again. But I know that I don't want to. I thought about showing up to her house, flowers in hand and asking for the opportunity to read these things to her, but I am too afraid she would reject me and I'd just be forced to move on.

[pteromom]

Pteromom - I've been in counseling for a few months now. I'm on websites reading about repairing these types of things all day. I know where I went wrong and I know how I wish to prevent it happening again.

 

That's all good. Keep doing all that work. Keep learning about yourself. It can only help you, whether you end up back with her in or another relationship down the line.

 

Give her some time. If your feelings for her are still strong in a few months when things have calmed down, send her a letter. You'll have nothing to lose.

[aanderson088]

Pteromom - I'm having difficulty accepting that... She is already gone, true. But she is gone still. That is a lot to lose.

[pteromom]

Pteromom - I'm having difficulty accepting that... She is already gone, true. But she is gone still. That is a lot to lose.

 

Perhaps you are right, but there is no sense in worrying about something out of your control. She chose to go. She has some healing to do before she'd even be ready to consider coming back and giving you another chance.

 

So work on yourself. THAT is something you can control. And if it makes you feel better to think you are doing it all for her, use that as motivation.

[KatZee]

I'm sorry... I've been cheated on and if I were to get this letter I'd be scratching my head like... THEFUQ?!?%&*^!!

 

First of all, it's 15 days post breakup. Believe me, you haven't learned sh*t. You're just sad about what you lost. Perhaps guilty.

 

Second of all, yeah looks all fluffy on paper, but where the hell was that love when you were out cheating? cheating is NOT a mistake. It's a choice. You went and chose to go stick your dick in someone else.

 

Leave God out of this.

 

You told her a long time ago that you wanted to grow old with her? Have kids? Get married? Have a house... blah blah blah? And you go and cheat. Nice. It pretty much negates everything you've said.

 

Let me tell you something, once the trust is gone, it's gone. And you're never getting it back. Even if that person says they'll forgive you... they will NEVER fully trust their spouse again. I never trusted my ex again, and I did take him back (stupidly). I never trusted him for one second a day after that. I was always paranoid, anxious, checking his phone, wondering who he was talking to. This is NOT a way to live in a relationship.

 

One of my good friends married her cheater. It's 10 years later. She still doesn't fully trust him. If there's no trust, there's NOTHING.

 

I also don't think it matters that you two share the same passions. No point to even writing that.

 

If I got that letter, I'd be more PISSED than anything. It took you LOSING ME to realize what the F I was worth? FU! You should have known what you had from day one.

 

PEACE.

Edited August 29, 2012 by KatZee

[Mino]

ok, havent posted in a long time, read occasionally, saw your post and just had to reply.... Your letter sucks! Obviously you screwed up, cheated on your girl and she dumped you... Now you realize what you lost, you know she is a girl who goes to church.. now you want to use God and that you finally see the light , to get her back. How LOW can one go???? What an actor you are... sounds like a person who discovered God once they are in Jail! So sorry you F ed up.... But dude, grow some balls... have you even figured out WHY you cheated? Something is wrong with YOU... broken or whatever you wanna call it... Get yourself in some couseling first. Figure out whats broke... You dont derserve a girl till you figure THAT out and fix it. But Pleeeeaaaseee stop using GOD to make yourself look better... because its not working and only makes you look pathetic!

[Elpis430]

I watched a movie several months ago that I learned alot from. It was one quote in particular that got me. It said something to the effect that he now realized that a good love letter is one that asks for nothing in return. If she is deep in faith, she will like the aspects of the letter that claim you have found God. She will be elated for you. I think you should focus on that though, and remove the parts about your hopes for the realtionship for now. If you were unfaithful, she deserves time. So slow down. It has not been too long since the break up. She will doubt your sincerity and also deserves to see ACTION as has been mentioned by others here several times. If she is open to it, have contact. Let her know what you are doing with your life. But don't try to get her to make a decision. You can, in time, tell her your hopes. But in a way that lets her know you are not demanding a response. If she sees the truth in you, and wants to be together, she will let you know on her own terms. And it seems like you owe her that consideration.

[fucpcg]

You found God? 5 bucks says you lose him when this doesn't go your way.

[aanderson088]

I appreciate all of your responses despite their very negative and hurtful characteristics. The honesty helps. I can't expect anyone to believe these things and frankly I don't mind if you don't believe them. I am going to give her time. I've been going to counseling for a few months. I'm actually entering an appointment in about 15 minutes. I'm not low enough to use God as a way back in to this girl's life. I knew it would appear that way which is exactly why I didn't send it prior to getting honest opinions of it. She showed me an uncanny love and kindness that I want to repay. I know I sound like I'm full of it but I don't care. I'm sorry for the pain that anyone has gone through because of a cheater. I don't feel guilt anymore. I did but the guilt holds someone back from changing. I need these changes. God, honesty, loyalty, compassion ,and accountability were qualities that I lacked. I've been working on all of those and I feel great. Do I know why I cheated? Yes I do. I became stagnant, boring, uninspired and unmotivated. I would choose anger and abandonment instead of love and commitment to the things that would make me happy and better simply because it was easier. I'm movingc forward and improving my life. I want her to be here for it yes but if she isn't, I knowI'll be better and this dark part of life will be behind me and I will never hurt someone like this again.

[aanderson088]

When I say that I became stagnant and bored and uninspired and unmotivated, I mean that I did. In my own life. The relationship was fine. My own frustration with myself just caused me to ruin anything that was good for me so that I wouldn't have to change. It was just easier to run from it rather than improve.

[coltsfan1]

You are going to catch a lot of heat due to you being the dumper and having cheated.

 

That being said, I have cheated in my younger days when I wasn't mature enough to control MY impulses. You can change but reality is you CAN NOT change in a few months. It takes time to unlearn a pattern of behavior. Most often people have to lose something to see that they can't make that choice anymore. It called learning the hard way.

 

I had a wonderful girl through high school, truly marriage material. I chose to party, drink, do drugs, lie, & all around be a ****ty person. She left me and she should have. But YEARS later in my late 20's, after a lot of maturing I am not that person anymore. She is married and if I see her and her husband out we speak and are on good terms. I wish nothing but the best for her and she shares the same feelings for me.

 

Continue to grow as a person and give it time, trust me you never know what he future holds.

[aanderson088]

Thanks coltsfan. I know it will take a while which is why I am going to give her time. I fear that I lost this chance but I'm coming to terms with it or trying to and still continuing to better myself. If she sees it and wants me back then I'll continue to go to counseling and attending church and working on myself. I truly have revamped my life in this short time. I know that notion seems unlikely but I knew the changes I needed to make before, I just wasn't making them. Once I began to make the changes without her encouraging me or checking to make sure that I was, I could really do them for myself. I feel better with these changes and I do not want to go back to who I was. I know how bad I hurt when I would consistently let down the people that loved me and believed in me. I can't go back there. Like I've said: I want her back but if she chooses to stay away from me, I know I'll be a better person.