sleep4eva Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Hi, I need advice on how to deal with my situation, I dont have a therapist or friends to ask for advices so please hear me out. My GF of 4 years broke up with me last 5 months, we broke up because i was jealous with this guy that she works with, I thought we needed to cool off, 2 weeks later she said that she doesnt want to get back anymore and that she has already found a new inspiration and wants to knw whats out there for her. I tried to get her back, cried and begged her..wrong wrong wrong, it only drove her away. 2 weeks after we broke up, the guy she work with is now her new BF. Well we all knew what i felt, I wanted to crawl in my hole and give up and die...but I found this forum, cried myself to death, I pampered myself, helped myself up. after 2 months i was feeling a little ok. I tried dating after 3 months, got a little serious with one girl but I stopped becoz I felt I was only dating her for the wrong reasons, and i felt that she wasnt as good as my ex. I said to myself, why bother looking...I'm ok with being single and lonely at the moment. We have contact by then and my ex told me that she needed a job, I helped her get a job on my company...I thought if we spent time we would get back together. But we didnt get back, it gotten worse, we are only a few feet away from work. I dont knw how to act, I tried to be her friend..but it really hurts when she gets a call from her new BF, or if she talks about her BF, or if I see anything about her BF...its like breakup everyday! we have mutual friends, One time I tried to go out with them and seeing her and her new BF cuddling together was hell..I swore I would never ever try to go out with them again. I also tried not to talk to her, ignore her. But i felt bad, I feel bad ignoring her..one time we ended up in an argument bcoz I was angry inside and I was showing it at work, I felt bad afterwards..It was unprofessional of me, I couldnt help it. I really regret helping her get the job! I really need this job, finding another job is not an option. I sleep all the time now and I'm lonely, I really dont have any real friends to hangout with. I dont think I'm doing good I think about her all the time now...I dont think I'm moving on and we broke up 5 months now, and I am hurting everyday. I dont know if I want her back, I just want to end the pain of seeing her. I need advice on how to act with her at work, should I find another job? just thinking not seeing her breaks my heart and seeing her with another hurts also...nobody deserves my situation any replies would be a great help
other stewwy Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Wow, that sucks man. You really only have 2 options here. You already know what they are. Either deal with her being around and hope that the pain subsides or get a new job. the pain you feel is all too familiar to me. Its like a wound that cant heal because its always getting picked at and eventually becomes infected. The best way to heal is to remove yourself from any situations involving her and go out and make new friends. You have to make the effort to free yourself of this burden and find a new life. Its not going to come and lay at your door. Get a new phone, a new email and a new job. move if you have too. anything to insure that she will not be able to contact you. its really the only thing to do
dugs Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Wow man, first off I want to say that I feel your pain. Me and my ex also share mutual friends and I think that it just makes the breakup that much sloppier. You have to hear about her all the time and even see her around. Its tuff. Its not like you can run for your ****in life and never see or hear about her again. Read my post "girlfriend gone wild in Havasu" and then you'll see how sloppy it can really get. Luckly for me I have other friends who don't have any association with her, so I can go to them if I want to get away from her completly. Second, I think that getting her the job was a bad idea, why would you want to help out somebody that broke your heart and caused you pain. It was especially bad to get her the job cause now you have to see her everyday. That just makes it harder for you to let go. Third, I think that you should find a hobby or join a recreational sports league or somthing like that in order to meet new people. Start a new life. I know that its hard to fight the urge to sit around and feel sorry for yourself, but think of it this way. Are you going to let this one single human being dictate how you feel inside and be the center of your universe. She doesn't want you anymore so don't give two ****s about her anymore as well. If you want to feel happy then make changes in you life to feel happy again. If it were me, I would try to distance myself from her in the office, like get put somewere furthur away from her if possible. Then ignore the hell out of her. Don't even ever make eye contact with her if you walk by her. Pretend she is nothing to you. She is dirt. Don't feel bad, she is the one who doesn't want you in her life anymore. On the bright side, maybe by ignoring her she will start to realize how much she actually does want you in her life. She might get scared that she has lost you forever. She might just be used to you still persuing her and then by ignoring her you might create a relationship vacum so to speak, were she will get sucked in back to you. Don't put all your eggs in this basket, or get you hopes up, because either it will happen or it won't happen but you never know. Anyways, best of luck
jw32802 Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Read "This side of goodbye' on the lifted hearts website....It saved my life so to speak! Email me if you want and i can send you the article...Print it out and read it, it will be your lifesaver
dugs Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 jw32802: can you send me that article, sent a PM with my email address I have heard good things about it. I would appreciate it.
gobain Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 jw32802 - would you mind sending me that article as well? I would be most grateful. Thanks.
dudesomewhere Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by sleep4eva we broke up because i was jealous with this guy that she works with, I thought we needed to cool off, 2 weeks later she said that she doesnt want to get back anymore and that she has already found a new inspiration and wants to knw whats out there for her. I tried to get her back, cried and begged her..wrong wrong wrong, it only drove her away. 2 weeks after we broke up, the guy she work with is now her new BF. Man...see suspicions are more often than not based on things your gut knows. You found her a job on top of all that? Hmm, I don't know. Just tell yourself that you were right all along...and with that, that she was wrong. But keep that to yourself. Just find yourself...whoever that is. Walk a lone path for a while and build inner strength. Go read some books. Novels are ok, no hokey romance trash . Read books or watch movies that deal with inner struggles and building inner strength. Go get the movie Sabu, awesome japanese movie. If anything, don't give up this job. That would be throwing in the towel completely. You cannot acquiesce this last option. That said...I don't hang out with anybody except for my best friend and that is only occasionally. I have no guy friends because in all honesty...I don't want em , hehe. Who wants to hang out with some sissy guy who doesn't lear at women? I ask you!
aFighter Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Well, getting her that job right beside you was possibly the worst thing you could have done. You already know that now, nothing you can do but suck it up and move on as best you can. Try just saying 'good morning' with a bit of a smile at work etc. be professional and try to keep your private life/thoughts out of the work place.
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