BrotherD Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 GOOD NEWS... I'm at 12 weeks NC. I have gone through hell. I am gettin' better. NC WORKED! How? CAUSE I GOT MY ACT TOGETHER! Not because of some pipedream about getting the ex back etc. Because I got it together. The only way that it could've have happened was to have gotten away from the swirling vortex that was my freaky, toxic relationship! I was only then that I was able to see that our "love" made us both insane! Yes that's what I said we were insane... And the only way to get that clarity is TO GET AWAY! For at least 3 months! Some people talk here about NC for a week or two. No! You must get away for at least 3 months Where did I get this amount of time? Because that's how long I've been in NC and it was only until a few weeks ago that I finally "sobered" up and realized I was a groveling, "sally" who put this biyatch on a pedastal and let me life slip away! GAME OVER! WAKE UP! Your ex isn't "all that..." See how you feel about the way you were treated after you go away for 3 friggin' months. You'll be pissed! I'm ashamed! All my friends said "what happened dude, you lost the plot..." They were right. In the meantime, I"VE GOT A DATE WITH A HOTTIE!!! I took the advice from the good people on this board and I got back to the gym and started throwing the weight around. Three times a week. Religiously. I LOOK GOOD...(humbly submitted ) Anyway, I'm up at 6:00 am everyday workin out and sure enough I cross paths with this beautiful creature... After a few weeks of seeing each other I asked for a date. We agreed to go for a walk around the lake...Today as a matter of fact! If I had'nt gotten away from the crazy making world I was living in with my ex, and gotten it together and GRABBED THE REIGNS OF MY LIFE! This date would not have occured! For the first time in a long time I feel like things are comin' around I HAVE REAL HOPE THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO BE GREAT IN MY LIFE. HOPE THAT I WILL FIND SOMEONE NEW WHO IS HOTTER THAN MY EX, NICER THAN MY EX, AND WANTS ME!!! Just as important. I THANK GOD MY EX CAME INTO MY LIFE! IF THIS HADN"T HAPPENED I WOULD BE A LESSER PERSON. This ordeal has strengthened me. I am way better than before. I think this is God's way of teaching us a lesson in life. It has to be cloaked in something very unpleasant or we won't "listen" to the lesson or get what we need to know. We will just stay in our current rut in life. What I got from all of this is when something rotten happens to us WE MUST LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THE LESSON GOD IS TEACHING US. Believe me I wasn't sleeping in the back of the classroom for this one. I was wide awake, front row raising my hand. YOU DO THE SAME LOve, BroD
estakado Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Man dont forget to tell us how your date goes and what questions to ask and what cues did you look for when talking to her. Some of us rusty folk need tips besides the "Just be yourself" angle. Good Luck bro!
Author BrotherD Posted July 18, 2004 Author Posted July 18, 2004 estakado Thanks, I felt good getting that out. The date went GREAT...As far as advice as how "to be" during a fisrt date, let me say this. I didn't think about anything but being present in the moment. Listening, alot. Sharing myself without giving myself away. That's probablt the best advice I could give at this point. Let info about yourself trickle like an IV. Telling too much can be overload. No deepest dreams and desires revealed etc. Just take it easy... Still too early ya know... Mostly, I felt pretty well oiled in regards to the old BrotherD charms. I always felt confident about myself until I gave away the "keys to the kingdom" to my ex. Well I got news, the keys are in my possession now, I'm in the driver's seat and I'm back... YEah... BroD
Blah Toolz Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Good to hear a post like this, BroD.... glad to hear you're coming out on top. I've been broken up for about 4 months now... and the no-contact is at a little over a month now. Heh, the only problem is that I still think about her constantly. I'm still in love with her, and it sucks. And I still get down on myself... thinking about what could have been. I'm gonna keep going with the no-contact though, it's tough, it's painful... but I think I can pull it off. I think I rushed too early into dating after the break-up. My head and heart weren't really into it... I think I was just trying to find someone that I could fill that missing void of the relationship with. Even though the girls were attractive, and cool... I know that I would have ended up screwing them over, because I'm still torn over my ex. Good to hear you come to this realization, BroD... maybe I'll have one -- but I doubt it. I think my process will be a little longer to overcome... but I think I will be a lot better as time goes on.
dugs Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Right on man, way to go. I havn't talked to my ex in like a week. This is the longest I've gone without talking to her and I can feel myself getting over her little by little everyday. Unfortunatly for me we did not break up because we were having problems or fighting all the time or anything like that. So its not like life is better off without her. She was just young (19), and young girls tend to not know what they want and constantly go through different phases. I still miss her but at least I can function again as a human being. Finally I can sleep and eat more like a normal person.
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