hurting so bad Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Has anyone had this happen to them? You break up with someone because it is just not working out; you get mad about problems in the relationship etc so you break up Then you date someone new and at first it seems better but then little by little you just realize they are not the same as your ex. You realize that all the things you thought were wrong with your ex, were really not problems, but it was just you being so used to them that you forgot how great they really were, so you picked on stupid things. People say to try dating again to try to move on, but why is it that dating someone new really makes you remember the ex and miss them SO MUCH MORE? I always thought dating someone new would make it easier to move on, but why does it seem to make me miss the ex MORE???
april Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Because when you you were with your ex you were deeply in love, and you're smart enough to know that kind of thing just doesn't happen every day, or just with anyone. I feel that way too...and my ex will always occupy a special part in my heart (even tho he lied and cheated on me). I don't want him back, but I recognize that he was someone I gave my entire heart to, and that's something I rarely do.
sami Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 humans have this weird dominant characteristic of recalling only the positive side of past relationships while totally forgetting and burying the negatives. It is this side of us that hurts most when we get involved in new relationships.
dasani08810 Posted July 18, 2004 Posted July 18, 2004 Well, I think feelings are feelings. They are the same with anyone. For a long time, you associated certain feelings with your ex. When you start seeing someone new, and those feelings come up (be it infatuation, lust, like, and then love); you will think back to the last time you felt those feelings. The last time would have been with your ex. Acknowledge them and then let the new person have that association when it's time.
jonyx18 Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 im going trough the same thing even thoe mines cheated lied left me and wishes not to see me anymore i have to admit i still love him with all my hart i realize that he had more conditions than many other men we were both 20 and maitained our own household he would buy me flowers pay for me everywhere and what ever i wanted i new i had i also did what i wanted when iwanted he really didn't tell me anything and now i see how this guys are my age there scrubs don't have money still living with mommy and no car god i miss him.. but i guess he was never really mines if not he would still be with me ... its been 4 month since we split and 1 month since we stopped all contact but i can't move on i see guys ugly borring in othere words the tought of me with another man grosses me out is this normal???? i hope so cuz i hope im not turning gay
nikkicam71 Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 If you broke up with him/her for nonsense, trivial "reasons" that your brain inflated at the time into some monumental problem, then of course you are going to miss your ex more when you are with someone else....because apparently the good far outweighed the bad, you simply FORGOT to focus on the positive and nitpicked on the negative. Now you've lost something important. IF that truly is the case, suck it up and try to get him/her back. If there were REAL problems (cheating, lying, incompatibility, lack of trust, lifestyle problems, etc), it is always difficult to switch gears and get used to someone new. Take your time and date around. Give yourself time to become comfortable in your own single skin...because the relationship was destructive and negative and damaging. If the first scenario truly is the case, the second one makes the reasons you broke up seem rather trivial, huh? ~Nikki
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