Have I made the right decision?

[greasyjoe]

6 years ago I was at work when suddenly on the screen before my eyes on skype a little message popped up from a young girl in China, she asked if I liked music and if I could send her some music, little was I to know that point was going to be such a pivotal point in my life.

 

I was 36 and this girl was 22, but for some reason I felt a strange feeling from this girl, she just looked so sweet a dolls face. I sent her some music that night and hoped I would here from here again..... I did.

 

All the time at work, at home I had this girl on my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about her, obviously being Chinese she didn't speak English that well, but enough to get the basics over.

 

Like I said I seemed spell blinded by this girl, I must say at this point I am a married man. She contacted me more and more and our feelings started to grow, chatting on skype, emailing etc.

 

Even though I am married I wouldn't say I was the happiest guy in the world, and I needed a friend, I felt lonely and I needed this girl. With time our affections for each other came out, she felt safe and comfortable with me and I always was her strength and comfort.

 

But I was a fool and felt fear, I let her feelings grow for me and I couldn't tell her I was married, being selfish, (but being honest) I needed this girl in my life, we just got on and fell in love.

 

One day though she found out I was married, it broke her heart and mine because she wanted to marry me, even though she found out she understood and stood by me as I was always by myself and we just spent so much time together.

 

She told me she had never met another man like me, that I would always be her first choice, even if she married another she would hide her love for me in her heart, we had something very special.

 

This relationship went on for 6 years, we never fight and we was always there for each other. But because I was still married we could never fullfill our dreams, I told her to find some other man, but we cried together and we both knew that we both loved each other and wanted each other

 

Now 6 years have passed, she is 28 and was desperate to get married, I noticed this last year she has cooled a little towards me due to pressure from her parents to get married and herself wanting to start a family.

 

So she started to advertise herself on websites, being a very beautiful girl I knew in my heart it was a question of time before she would find a partner. Over this 6 year period I have become like a father to here, I used to sing songs to her as she slept and she always wanted me to tell her bedtime stories. I bought her big bears for her birthday which she named after me and her, it really was a very sweet and unforgettable relationship, I felt sick all the time inside because I could never fulfil her dreams, even though I wasn't a happily married man I for sure don't hate my wife and I couldn't hurt her, I was wrong to get involved with this girl in the first place, I will hold my hands up to that, I was wrong, but being a human I am weak and fell in love with this girl, 6 years together and even now we feel the same, we have never fought, a few moody nights but never nothing serious between us.

 

I knew in my heart I had to let this girl go, she recently found out she has some tumours in her womb, this was serious, and it made her realise she needed a family fast.

 

Now this day has come, even though she was fearful of telling me I see she has got engaged, I was shocked as this has happened so fast, I don't how much she loves this guy or is just desperate, he found her online, it is all very fast for me.

 

So we spoke for the last time 2 weeks ago, she wanted my blessing, I said of course, even though it hurt as I knew one day this day would come, I told her I will always love her and I was so sorry we couldn't marry even though we both wanted it so much, I was not available, I am bad I know.

 

She then asked me if she was doing the right thing, should she marry, which threw me a little as in my mind she has seeds of doubt.

 

I now get to my main questions which I've been churning over and over in my mind.

 

This beautiful special girl wants me in her life, she says I am the special one, she adores me, she wants us still to be friends, but I've told her no, I told her new partner now needs to be her guide, to help her grow and to be strong, I said I have to go, to go in to no contact and to forget about me, she said can we still be friends until she married, again I said no, she cried, I asked why are you crying, she said because I am losing the most special person who has been at my side for the past 6 years, we both started crying, but I remained firm and said this will be the last time I will contact her, she has to start to new chapter of her life, be loyal to her future husband, I told her it would not be nice to him for us to keep in contact, so she asked if she ever really needs me would I be there for her, I said OK, yes.

 

Have I made the right decision, I think I hugely upset her because she didn't finish the conversation, she just went without answering me, I don't think she can bare me not being in her life, and the truth is this girl is family to me, she is like my daughter, I have tried to guide her and be her support for 6 years, we have invested a lot of time in each other.

 

I am missing her, she is with her new man, but I miss her, have I done right but cutting her of 100%

 

Do you think this girl will ever forget me, will in remain in her heart forever, she always said I was the real one she wanted to marry and no one compares to me, will these words will remain in heart?

 

I know I was wrong being married, my wife does know as I told her everything, I know I was wrong, but I am human and we fell in love, I just need to know if I have done right in cutting her off and what will stay in her heart.

 

Thank you for reading.

[Crila16]

Wow. Ok. You're married, you fell in love with a girl in another country. Have you even seen the girl in this other country in person or it's only been via skype? What does your wife think?

 

I really don't know what to say. You obviously do love your wife, because you are still with her, but if I were your wife, I don't think I'd want to stay married to you. Not if you're in love with another woman. Such a bizarre relationship with this girl in China. Singing her to sleep, reading her bedtime stories...sound like a father and daughter. When did you have time for this? While your wife was in the other room? I understand you Skyped for 6 years...but you don't really know someone until you are with them 24/7.

 

I think you need to let this Chinese girl go. Let her be happy. Let her get married and have a family. Don't take that away from her. You have a wife and family here. Time to stop with the selfishness.

[greasyjoe]

Yes, it's a strange one I know.

 

She invited me to China many times, but because of my situation I could never go, she we always spoke by skype, phone, webcam etc, I know you really need to see a person in real life to really know them inside out to see the warts and all.

 

In the end it did end like a father and daughter relationship, she is like family in my heart now. I am self employed, have been a long time. My wife does know, I told her why, she was upset obviously but she understood, I am always alone, I needed someone to talk too and it went too far.

 

I wont take nothing away from the Chinese girl, I told her I am happy for her, I was unsure whether I was right to say no to her request to be friends still.

 

I know I was/am selfish, you are right!

[Crila16]

Well. No one has a right to really judge anyone's situation, because they're not in it. You are the one who had the experiences, and I'm glad you were at least honest with your wife, and I'm glad she was understanding about the situation. She's a good and understanding woman. It's no wonder you're still with her. I'm sure it was tough to not meet the chinese girl in person, but you didn't. Sometimes the fantasy of another is enough. I personally feel that if you left your wife for this other girl, you would have regretted it with all your heart. I don't believe there is only 1 person for everyone...I believe we have more than one soulmate. A soulmate isn't necessarily romantic though. It just means you have a special bond and understanding with someone that is rare to find. A soulmate could be your mother or father or best friend.

[greasyjoe]

Thank you for your thoughts and input. You're right it's hard to judge, yes my wife is a good person, that's why in the end I could not go with this Chinese girl as much as I wanted, I think I would have regretted it too, age difference, cultural differences etc.

 

I do believe though that there is 'The special one' personally, I am not a man that takes to other people very easily, it takes a lot for me to to be taken in with another person and this girl managed it, so I think we will remain hidden in each others hearts and we will put it down the the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

I just think it is hard to close the door on this girl completely, I will want to know she is OK, life treats her good, she is happy etc and she will want to know about me, life can be difficult at times.