Abbey86 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Im 26 and have been close friends with this guy for 5yrs, He is 34 and from England, im from the US, He and i have always been very close, Traveling to see each other often. Last year he told me he had feelings for me but i had already started dating someone, I was shocked and told him i couldn't risk losing our friendship if we didn't work out and that i couldn't bare not having him in my life. He told me that just being with me is enough for him, that it was just wishful thinking but he just wishes i would settle for him, that he truly believed he could make me happy if i gave him a chance. I've had a history of bad relationship, I seem to attracted idiots. I cant get him off my mind so i surprised him this week when i flew over to see him, I hadn't seem him in over a month, As i have no place to stay he said i could crash at his place til i got myself on my feet, He is a touring musician & he always tells me that he loves having me with him, he tells me he is no good without me.The other night when we were watching tv i asked him about his love life and asked if he had anyone on his mind lately, He said "No, not really just you. I've been thinking about how hot you are." I laughed & called him an idiot then snuggled into him. Although i never thought of him as anything more than my friend after he told me last year how he felt i keep thinking about him. After his bands show the other night he was talking to two chicks, i was sitting at the bar with our friend, He & i kept making eye contact, I'll admit i got jealous so i walked up to him and started hugging him and stayed there til they left, Laying in bed that night I realized i've started to fall in love with him. Some guy gave me his number the other day, although i wasn't interested, When i got home he seen the guys number & looked pissed and started to act weird towards me, then said that maybe i shouldn't stay at his place for much longer, I felt so hurt, He has been acting distant with me and im terrified i'll lose him in some way.I really need advice on what i should do, I've decided to stay in the UK, I don't want to risk our friendship but i know im falling for him, What do i do?
Janesays Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 You need to quit accepting numbers from other men if you want things to progress with this guy. There. Problem solved. 1
jwayne Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 This are the kind of moments in life where there's aren't really a right/correct answer.. Just follow your heart... It'll be worth it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 The guy is too young and living a lifestyle where he couldn't maintain any kind of respectable commitment In my opinion. He seems to be playing the history/emotional bond card with you. It's an easy access, easy in situation where he completely turns the situation on his head on a 180 degree turn and at first your shocked and taken by surprise, then you think about it and process it, then you come to the conclusion it's a pretty good idea...It's a typical process. He's extremely likely been interested in you this entire time he just waited for the right time to make the move..maybe he felt he you lived too far, maybe he felt it was too much of an investment if he crossed that line. Unfortunately I think he's playing with you right now...maybe he got a little jealous once you were in a relationship, felt neglected and decided to throw a wrench in in to just stir things up and see how you would react...plus it's a challenge and test to see how you really feel for him and what you were willing to do once you heard the "news" about how he felt...which was really just a matter of timing for him and something he's already knew. Now it's coming off like some soap opera "omg do i love him, should i be with him...is this worth the risk! ::swooon::' in my honest opinion hell no....he's 26, immature and surrounded by temptation...you are 35, likely looking to settle down and get serious and now you wonder If some guy in the United States is going to be able to pull that off...not likely IMO! It will be a waste of time, waste of emotions because once you cross that line and actually chase those real obstacles after the nice little honeymoon period then you'll realize there was more than meets the eye...then you'll see the real man not the "friendship" front. You'll likely feel like you know him very well but honestly I see him playing games with you and in turn you're doing the same thing, now you're both acting like a bunch of kids playing the jealousy game...not a good game play to get into something serious If you're supposed to be such transparent good "friends" but surprise surprise, this is always a bridge that has to be crossed between men and women at one time or another. You'll lose the "friendship" out of this, but really it was just a matter of time...matter of time before you became too comfortable and decided to reach for more emotional investment to him...after all how do you reject such a great potential partner! and for him as a man he was at some time going to test the boundaries and see what he could get away with. Once you enter an intimate relationship though it'll put him in a different emotional and mental state, there will actually be a consequence or a price tag on what's he's investing on, and many men don't like to pay once the bill comes. This is what I get out of everything you said and the vibe in the dynamic that is starting to be created...this is very common and I've seen it many times before..although I don't know the situation of your relationship for 5 years (but don't care at this point, that's for you to consider) this is merely just an observation and perspective that I feel is pretty accurate given the information you've provided and not likely to change with just little insignificant things. I think it's it a bad idea and you know better....If you feel something entirely different and think he's trustworthy then stop playing those little push and pull jealousy games....have some real communication and be open and honest...no "confusion" BS, just saying how you really feel at the time. However at his age and "profession" I wouldn't even bet a shiny quarter on him to come through to be honest.
AlexCross Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 You already turned him down once. He wore his heart on his sleeve for you. You yourself say you have a history for falling for idiots. So now you get jealous because you turn him down and he is talking to other women? Should he have waited around for you ? And what Jane Says said, if your so falling for him you shouldnt be giving out your # to other men. I think you want to have your cake and eat it too. You crave the validation he gives you.
FitChick Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 You can't stay in the UK legally for more than six months unless you get an employer to sponsor you and do the legal paperwork. If you leave after that point, the dates will be in your passport and you are unlikely to be readmitted afterward. Even if you married him there, you'd still have to fly back to the US for your spousal visa and wait up to two months.
veggirl Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 How in the world is this guy "too young", Ninja? :confused: He is 34 yrs old! Anywho, OP, ball is in your court. Seems you kinda rejected him, doubt he will put himself out there again. eta OP does he live in England? Or is he in the US but just originally from England? How far apart do you all live? Would you want LDR etc?
Lonely Ronin Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Re read her post Ninja, you have the ages backwards...
betterdeal Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Take a break. From men. It may sound daunting, but it will help you clear you head, and help him clear his too. How long depends on how well you progress at getting out of the funk you're in (both of you). All relationships are negotiations, and your negotiation skills are key to their success, be they friendships, romantic, familial, or professional. They'll be better when you emotions and your conscious thoughts are more balanced. Step back, let it breathe. You'll find your path.
Ami1uwant Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Im 26 and have been close friends with this guy for 5yrs, He is 34 and from England, im from the US, He and i have always been very close, Traveling to see each other often. Last year he told me he had feelings for me but i had already started dating someone, I was shocked and told him i couldn't risk losing our friendship if we didn't work out and that i couldn't bare not having him in my life. He told me that just being with me is enough for him, that it was just wishful thinking but he just wishes i would settle for him, that he truly believed he could make me happy if i gave him a chance. I've had a history of bad relationship, I seem to attracted idiots. I cant get him off my mind so i surprised him this week when i flew over to see him, I hadn't seem him in over a month, As i have no place to stay he said i could crash at his place til i got myself on my feet, He is a touring musician & he always tells me that he loves having me with him, he tells me he is no good without me.The other night when we were watching tv i asked him about his love life and asked if he had anyone on his mind lately, He said "No, not really just you. I've been thinking about how hot you are." I laughed & called him an idiot then snuggled into him. Although i never thought of him as anything more than my friend after he told me last year how he felt i keep thinking about him. After his bands show the other night he was talking to two chicks, i was sitting at the bar with our friend, He & i kept making eye contact, I'll admit i got jealous so i walked up to him and started hugging him and stayed there til they left, Laying in bed that night I realized i've started to fall in love with him. Some guy gave me his number the other day, although i wasn't interested, When i got home he seen the guys number & looked pissed and started to act weird towards me, then said that maybe i shouldn't stay at his place for much longer, I felt so hurt, He has been acting distant with me and im terrified i'll lose him in some way.I really need advice on what i should do, I've decided to stay in the UK, I don't want to risk our friendship but i know im falling for him, What do i do? Can two friends have something more happen---yes. I would suggest you guys set ground rules at the start where you two need open communication on your feelings so you can protect the friendship. You try it and see how it goes. Im not sure if you are living there or this is an LDR....either way you need to communicate. What I have found is some people can have a great chemistry together , a great relationship---but they just cant live together because they have very diffierent lifestyles or different goals in life. I recall a woman in college that I had a good friendhip with and my friends were asking me if I was going to ask her out. In that time I got to know her and I was concerned over some differences that I couldnt see myself with someone like that. These werent issues with her...they were choices. The two big ones were she was a big time animal lover while I am highly allergic to animals and she was a vegitarian while I cant see myself eating that way.
KatZee Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Ahh... I would love if this scenario happened with me and a guy friend I've had for 12 years now! It's always the wrong time with us, and it sucks! I think if you feel it for him, and he's into you (he obviously is)... I say go for it. You guys have a solid foundation of 5 years of friendship. You obviously know everything about one another, and you guys are still there... do it do it do it!
FitChick Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Abbey86 might want to read up on the rules for visiting the UK. Note this part: "Those who secure their visas upon arrival, however, have no "valid" entry date; their date of entry is simply when they choose to arrive; they receive the six-month visa stamp while going through immigration. No UK tourist visa can be extended beyond the six-month-per-visit time limit. It's illegal to stay beyond a visa's valid date, and doing so can result in being banned from the country for a decade." There is something called a Multi Visit Visa but you have to apply in the US before you travel.
RedRobin Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Here's the red flag for me... He's known you for 5 years and the best he can do is.. "I was just thinking how hot you are" TBH, it is totally obvious who the young one here is, if that is enough to push you over the emotional ledge... :rolleyes:
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