momo81 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year, have been an exclusive couple for six months. At the begining when we were dating, he pursued me, asked me for the dates and things just happened naturally. Then he told me he wasn't too sure and things cooled off, then he said, he was sure and we dated again, then he said he wasn't too sure blah blah and THEN he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. (as i write, i already know the answer, but just want a sounding board). He told me he was on antidepressants, this didn't bother me. He was taking pills for them and a couple of months stopped taking them, because of course he reached the point where they were working, and he "felt fine". Since he has been off them, he has been irrational, moody, etc etc. He's at uni and its running his life, he finishes at the end of this year and him and his mates are all so depressing that they all just get grumpy and depressed and allow uni to run their life. I knew that Uni was going to be important to my boyfriend when i became his gfriend, understood all that as i have been there done that, but its getting ridiculous. He's so stressed that he's losing his hair, his sex drive has dropped and he is negative. All he does now, is go to uni, study then come to mine and study. He doesn't go out unless its with me on the weekends and has stopped seeing his friends as much as he use to when we first started going out. When i go and do something to fufill my time and need, he tags along. Some things that have happened during our relationship: He said his ex was the best sex he had had - she cheated on him and left him a year and a half ago. She's hot, i've seen a photo. (Before hand, i was secure with myself, now slowly it is diminishing). I wouldn't dream of telling him that my last fling was a great shag. He apologised for saying that, AFTER he told his friend what he said and his friend told him it was a horrible thing to say, grow up and focus on the decent gfriend you have now) Knowing this about his ex, made me insecure when it came to sex and i would be self conscious which was affecting my performance. Our sex drive has slowed right down now, as he has started to premature ejaculate and he is embarrased. I am frustrated but don't know how to say something without making him feel bad (i am 30 he is 25). I overheard him tell his mate that he stalked his ex, some hot half japanese b*tch who was his best at sex, and told him to look at it on facebook. His mate asked him why he was looking at her and that he had a decent gfriend and that he wasn't going to look at a picture of his ex. I met his friend a couple of weeks ago, she told me how great it was to meet me, how lovely i was etc etc and then she started drinking and the more she drunk, she let slip that my boyfriend painted a picture of me being needy and in a rush to settle down. And how she remembered him telling her about me and she was guilty to say that she told him to get rid of me???????? WTF. (i'm very much the opposite). But she doesn't know what he is on about. He described me as average looking and i'm not blowing my own whistle here, but I am above average and she couldn't understand why he would say that. I've noticed hes immature when it comes talking to his boymates, how he moans about his nagging gfriend blah blah. That i'm needy and clingly and in a rush to settle down. (He's the one that is clingy (always ringing me up, talking about kids etc etc). I understand its normal to moan to your mates, but why paint a bad picture of your gfriend. When i confronted him about all this, he said that he doesn't know why he said it, that he does love me blah blah blah. Was it unreasonable of me to say that i felt like he was being disloyal and disrespectful and that it was unacceptable? I know its normal to have a vent to your friends etc, we all do it. But its getting to the point that what he has said in the past is all getting back to me and i feel like crap. I told him that im quite happy to part ways if he is just in this relationship for convienence as i have no problem being single. He said he doesn't want to be single, he wants to be with me, he made a mistake of talking bad about me and is embarrased. My solution: Leave. My other solution: Give him one more chance to see if he means it.
WhatsMyName Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Go with your gut. If you want to give him another shot, than thats it, just 1. Don't tell yourself that again... because he will just keep using you. If you break it off, then move on and find someone who makes you happy, always 1
the ill-made knight Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Honestly, it sounds like a lot for someone you've only been dating for six months. I'd break up with him. This much drama and issues early on things do not bode well for the future. 1
venusianx13 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 My ex spoke ill of me to anyone who would listen, yet he hung onto me for 5 years. The quality of those years gradually declined. I felt really bad about myself and it has been difficult to get back to a healthy state of self-love, even over half a year after the break up. I don't think you're "just being insecure", I think your gut is telling you that something is very off with this guy. He sounds very unhealthy, and it's certainly taking a toll on you, emotionally. That fact alone speaks clearly. 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 My boyfriend of 1.5 years acted silly within the first 5 months or so - but I gave him a chance and he now blows me away with how nicely he treats me. But he makes mistakes, he made one recently too. Guys are not perfect and neither are we. In my case, people told me to not give him another chance. I did and it worked. So I would be a hypocrite if I told you to leave him. Howeever, I would not be able to handle it if my partner said his ex was the best shag he ever had. Ultimately, my bf and I took a while before we realized just HOW into each other we were; not out of being lonley, but we genuinely got to know each other better and it took us getting to really know each other, to think wow this is the person I want to spend the rest of our lives with. ....Maybe your boyfriend is into you, but it took him a while to get to know you? I was a head case and still am a little, I have big issues! So it took my partner a while to get to know me. Most women would dump a guy who acted the wat yours has. Maybe you should tell him that you cannot handle it, and would like time apart; tell him if he really feels you two should be together, that you will end up together. Tell him time apart may be key for you two. Use the time to learn what you truly want.. overcome the lonliness and need for companionship, and REALLY see if you want to be together. My boyfriend made mistakes but has turned out to be the most loving boyfriend I have ever had. People on here told me he does not love me and to leave him, based on how I described him, but he loves me so much and we ended up so close and happy. I would only give him ONE chance, though! He has already acted like an IDIOT; but, relationships do not always start out perfect, and CAN end up well. Some people are immature and say things that are very wrong. SOme people can overcome it, others cannot. I would give him one last chance, and suggest time apart. My boyfriend ended up being crazy about me after the initial mistakes he made; and he made similar mistakes to your boyfriend It does not normally work out in our cases - but you CAN get lucky, and genuinely have a guy who really is into you, who was simply selfish and immature as a person in general, and who is willing to better himself, and take responsibility for his past behaviours. My boyfriend realized he was a jerk and apologised and later saw how bad the things he said sounded. Most guys won't change but I gace my boyfriend once chance and he changed so many things. I feel SO lucky that I am a rare case of a guy changing. it may not be likely, but you guy may change to. But only ONE chance. That is all I gave my partner after the one or two off things he said to me. Know that everyone on here will tell you to break up with him. MOSTguys into their girlfriends do not act that way. But some guys are just idiots and can actually change. 1
Author momo81 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Posted August 29, 2012 Thank you all for the time you took to answer. Really appreciate it :) Peace
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