So my friend's sister apparently called me a "slut".

[MourningLosses]

I heard this from someone she works with who knows a friend of mine. The friend doesn't know about my relationship at all, she just said this woman's brother was having an affair and that she said the woman was a slut.

 

I know that it's an ugly word and many will have different definitions. But his sister lies a long way away and knows nothing about my character. All she could ever know is what her brother and his wife (more likely) said. So I think this more generic judgmentalism.

 

Do you over this side honestly feel that a woman who sleeps with a MM is inherently a slut? Or if she's also married? Does nothing else in the case matter to you?

 

I don't understand that kind of simplistic morality.

[Citizen Erased]

Of course you don't understand, you have to lie to yourself so you can sleep at night.

[LadyElaine]

I think that his sister has you right on. What else could you be? You're sleeping with someone who is married to someone else.

[Emme]

A slut is a slut you can't dress it up and make it look pretty. So what she called you a slut, who cares. Can't allow the way others view you to affect you. They have their own skeletons.

 

slut (slt)

n.

1.

a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

 

slut [slʌt]

n

1. a dirty slatternly woman

2. an immoral woman

3. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Animals) Archaic a female dog

 

Does the definition completely sum you up. You have to figure that out for yourself.

[Steen719]

This is how far can we drag this dead horse around and how many ways can we try to resuscitate it dilemma.

[MourningLosses]

I was there while my friend talked to her friend. One said that her coworker, T, was pissed at her brother for cheating on his wife "with some slut" and the women discussed whether a OW was a slut or not. They didn't come to a conclusion, they talked about whether he wanted her or not, and whether she was in love rather than just using him. I realized T was MMs sister so they were unwittingly talking about me.

 

I loved him. I was honest. I was willing to leave my H for him. I didn't wish any harm to anyone. Why would I be a slut? Is a woman a slut for loving? How medieval is that?

[Artie Lang]

if this comment- by a person who doesn't even know it's "you" -bothers you so much, your conscience must be telling you something.

[Steen719]

I consider it entertainment at this point.

 

Gawd, just so entitled and clueless, but still trying to justify immoral and selfish actions. UGH! My fault for reading.

[MourningLosses]

Don't you think it's much more morally complex? Don't we deserve to try to be happy ourselves or should we just be our spouses slave and ensure their happiness at all costs? Don't you think it is understandable to be torn between wanting each other and wanting to do right by our past commitments? He didn't want to hurt her. He just didn't love her anymore. So he should have just left his own needs unmet? Same goes for me.

[mercy]

Depends on the woman. Some I view as having slutty behavior, others I view as slow and dimwitted, still others are looking to hurt because they hurt. In my neck of the woods a garden tool is used as the basic adjective. I guess meeting some OW here and on other boards...I do have a ranking order in my head.

 

Do you know how long it took me to figure out the word in bold? It's been a long day!

 

OP, I guess I too have a ranking order. No, I definitely do. Quite a few on here (row/fow) are class acts and I mean that. Hope you know who you are.

[TripLine]

I heard this from someone she works with who knows a friend of mine. The friend doesn't know about my relationship at all, she just said this woman's brother was having an affair and that she said the woman was a slut.

 

I know that it's an ugly word and many will have different definitions. But his sister lies a long way away and knows nothing about my character. All she could ever know is what her brother and his wife (more likely) said. So I think this more generic judgmentalism.

 

Do you over this side honestly feel that a woman who sleeps with a MM is inherently a slut? Or if she's also married? Does nothing else in the case matter to you?

 

I don't understand that kind of simplistic morality.

 

A slut is a promiscuous women who sleeps with a lot of men or have low sexual morals. You only slept with one married man, fine you are not a slut. But you are a 2faced home wrecking unethical, lying, unfaithful wife. If there are kids involved, you can just throw in a few more words to that sentence. I hate people like you. You can only see the good in yourself, holy shlt did your husband get the short end of the stick.

[AlexCross]

I heard this from someone she works with who knows a friend of mine. The friend doesn't know about my relationship at all, she just said this woman's brother was having an affair and that she said the woman was a slut.

 

I know that it's an ugly word and many will have different definitions. But his sister lies a long way away and knows nothing about my character. All she could ever know is what her brother and his wife (more likely) said. So I think this more generic judgmentalism.

 

Do you over this side honestly feel that a woman who sleeps with a MM is inherently a slut? Or if she's also married? Does nothing else in the case matter to you?

 

I don't understand that kind of simplistic morality.

 

Id use the term homewrecker. And how dare you use the word morality in the same sentence when you are contributing to breaking up ones family.

[MourningLosses]

LadyGrey are you able to PM me? I tried and I should have it by now but no luck. I have been wanting to explain something to you as you are so kind.

 

AlexCross - their marriage was on the slide long before me or he wouldn't have cheated. I may be a symptom but I'm not the cause.

[2long]

What do YOU think a woman who sleeps with a MM is?

 

The term "skank ho" comes 2 mind...

 

But slut is probably slightly more flattering.

 

-ol' 2long

[2long]

I loved him. I was honest. I was willing to leave my H for him. I didn't wish any harm to anyone. Why would I be a slut? Is a woman a slut for loving? How medieval is that?

 

But that isn't love.

 

AT ALL.

 

-ol' 2long

[2long]

Don't you think it's much more morally complex?

 

It only seems complex because your "relationships" (such as they aren't) appear complex. The morality that applies here is really quite simple. ...as in wrong.

 

Don't we deserve to try to be happy ourselves or should we just be our spouses slave and ensure their happiness at all costs?

 

A common misconception of "follow-your-hearters". Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have. In this case, your marriages and families.

 

Don't you think it is understandable to be torn between wanting each other and wanting to do right by our past commitments?

 

I'm sure it's understandable. But what "past" commitments? When did your marriages and the promises you made get relegated 2 the past? Did you say words 2 the effect of "for better or for worse?" Well, being tempted 2 stray is right at the top of the "for worse?" What did you mean when you made that promise?

 

He didn't want to hurt her. He just didn't love her anymore. So he should have just left his own needs unmet? Same goes for me.

 

People don't have affairs due 2 unmet needs. The have affairs because they fail 2 protect their marriage from their own susceptibilities 2 give in2 temptation. He thinks he doesn't love his wife because he thinks that romantic, chemical love is "true love". But it isn't. It's temporary.

 

Same goes for you.

 

-ol' 2long

[Mme. Chaucer]

I wonder what they would have said if they knew that the random "slut" was married herself?

 

And who cares, anyway?

 

Are you starved for attention?

[SidLyon]

I...Do you over this side honestly feel that a woman who sleeps with a MM is inherently a slut?

 

Seeing as you asked - yes!

 

...Does nothing else in the case matter to you?

 

Again - No not really!

 

....

 

Unless of course there are mitigating circumstances.

[woinlove]

Mourninglosses, I always say it doesn't really matter what people, who are not in your close, intimate circle, think of you - what really matters is what you think of yourself. However, in your case, you seem to have so much delusion that I think you need to pay attention to what others think and try to glean some insight. Not the use of the word slut, but more generally.

[AlexCross]

LadyGrey are you able to PM me? I tried and I should have it by now but no luck. I have been wanting to explain something to you as you are so kind.

 

AlexCross - their marriage was on the slide long before me or he wouldn't have cheated. I may be a symptom but I'm not the cause.

 

If your not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Stop trying to justify your selfishness and impulsivity. You are going on what he is saying, I bet if you got HER side of the story, your tune would change.

[Radu]

I was there while my friend talked to her friend. One said that her coworker, T, was pissed at her brother for cheating on his wife "with some slut" and the women discussed whether a OW was a slut or not. They didn't come to a conclusion, they talked about whether he wanted her or not, and whether she was in love rather than just using him. I realized T was MMs sister so they were unwittingly talking about me.

 

I loved him. I was honest. I was willing to leave my H for him. I didn't wish any harm to anyone. Why would I be a slut? Is a woman a slut for loving? How medieval is that?

 

Women will call other women 'slut' when what those women do shines a bad light on women overall even if they agree with her subconsciously.

 

All those women at the table probably empathised with the MM's wife, as they have been or are afraid to be in that position.

Your view is different.

 

However, it is your view of things that is warped.

Because in your quest to 'love', because it is 'medieval' to not do so, you rationalized hurting the following ppl :

- MM's wife

- MM's kids

- that couple's close family

- your husband

- your kids

- your close family

 

Congrats, you are a very empathic person.

Now go read some 'feminist' bullsh*t that borderline helps you rationalize not seeing a monster every time you brush your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

[losingmyground]

Do you over this side honestly feel that a woman who sleeps with a MM is inherently a slut?

 

To be honest, if my husband never takes you out for dinner or a movie....your a slut. On the other hand if you get a hotel room, vaction etc....the you are a whore. Be smart enough to get paid.

 

Or if she's also married?

 

If she is married you can just added liar to the mix.

 

Does nothing else in the case matter to you?

 

Yep...getting women like you ie MW to stay the hell away from my husband. You have a husband already. If you don't like him, then get divorced. But then again you would struggle without money. I can see a single woman being slightly interested in a MM.

[losingmyground]

Why would I be a slut?

 

You slept with someone other than your husband. You lied and cheated. We as a society tend to lump women into the slut catagory if you carry on with more than one man.

 

Is a woman a slut for loving?

 

Not in the least. It is your actions that make you a slut. You can love, but stay moral.

 

How medieval is that?

 

Medieval would be you being stoned in the street for cheating on your husband. Medieval would you being burned at the stake for being a witch that seduces married men (especially since in medieval times men were never at fault).

[losingmyground]

Don't you think it's much more morally complex?

 

Morals are not complex. You either have them or you don't. In your case....you just don't.

 

Don't we deserve to try to be happy ourselves or should we just be our spouses slave and ensure their happiness at all costs?

 

The funny thing about this is you have a CHOICE. Stay with you husband and be his wife or LEAVE. Maybe in third world countries you are a slave to your husband, but in most you are not. Want to be happy....divorce and raise your kids by yourself. Plenty of time to date when they are not home. The you can change your title from slave to available.

 

Don't you think it is understandable to be torn between wanting each other and wanting to do right by our past commitments?

 

NO! I have enough honesty and integrity to let my husband go before I carry on with another man.

 

He didn't want to hurt her. He just didn't love her anymore. So he should have just left his own needs unmet? Same goes for me.

 

YES! Or you could have taken your physical needs in your own hands. And if you both did not want to hurt your spouse, then don't cheat.

[BetrayedH]

Don't you think it's much more morally complex? Don't we deserve to try to be happy ourselves or should we just be our spouses slave and ensure their happiness at all costs? Don't you think it is understandable to be torn between wanting each other and wanting to do right by our past commitments? He didn't want to hurt her. He just didn't love her anymore. So he should have just left his own needs unmet? Same goes for me.

 

Look, the ethical, healthy, and "moral" choice is to either fix the marriage or leave. Anything short of that (like cheating on your husband with a married man) is unethical, unhealthy, and immoral. Call it what you want bit it ain't freakin' complicated and those coworkers, having shared a completely unbiased and objective opinion, don't seem to confused about it at all.

 

To ask the question that you avoided earlier, what would you call a woman that cheats on her husband with a married man? A reflection of Jesus's love? Good grief.