Kinny Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Hey everyone, I'm new here. So, I'm 19. I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my 21 year old boyfriend. It started on the internet and we talked for a year and a half before he came from America and stayed with me in London for 2 months. Since that first visit we have been together for a year and a half. I think he's amazing and we think the world of each other. We have seen each other 3 times - that first summer for 2 months, christmas 2011 for a month and he only left a week ago after staying with me for 3 months, so that's about 6 months of 24/7 company haha! So we see each other every 4-5 months. While he is really sad he has left, he is moving here hopefully in Jan/Feb to start an internship and has a lot of things to get on with before he graduates in Dec, so he seems very busy at the moment and happy with what he is doing. However, I am literally devastated he has left again and I won't be seeing him for another 5 months. I think I am TOO attached to him. I don't want to be this dependent on him for happiness but sometimes I really get myself down. Now the thing is, if anyone could just see the things that run through my mind sometimes, I'd look like the biggest freak. I sometimes sit here and will wait all day until he gets online. Since he left, I'm just overly emotional about everything he says. I always take everything he says to heart. He JUST told me, after 20 mins of talking, that he's going to read his book, and I CRIED?!? Maybe if he was being nasty that would be acceptable, but he is so nice to me. I'm seriously driving myself crazy. There is a wealth of different little things to accompany my crazy feelings but they are just a few. I think the REAL reason behind all this is my serious self-esteem and confidence issues. I crave attention and when I can't get what I want from him, I upset myself. I'm constantly telling myself how worthless I am and I have done so for years now (I don't think all the picking and battering down from school has helped). I know I'm only 19 but I just feel so ill. I want to be really happy and vibrant, independent and lovable and I feel like I could push him away from me. I feel like i will make the next 5 months hell for myself unless I make a serious change. I know I will feel better when I go back to university in a couple of weeks, and I have just had my wisdom teeth removed so I have been doing nothing for days, but I am in a bad place right now. Why am I so obsessed with him? Why am I upsetting myself so much? I don't know if it's stemmed from my own self-esteem or the fact that we were SO unhealthily obsessed with each other the year before we met - he seemed to have calmed that obsession down since we met and are a lot more stable but I'm just the same as before?! I feel so immature. I really don't want to do this long distance thing anymore I have a lot more to say but I'll stop here. Any advice/words of wisdom/someone to talk to would be greatly appreciated. Edited August 27, 2012 by Kinny
bluegreen Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 First of all HUGS now are you feeling better doll ? Some days and even weeks are hell on people in this situation some just flow Am sure he understand you but then he is a man they feel differently then we do even when they adore us and we notice that and think o my god he does not love me anymore. I had same discussion -argument with my guy some days am so lonely and miserable I end up fighting with him crying my eyes out then we make up and am happy again its crazy I know but it also might be our hormones to so I started taking some before PMS pills to chill me out and if we have any kind of real stress in our lives plus relationship like this its even worse. Chocolate and ice cream helps : ))) then sweat your brains out it works And as soon as school starts things will balance if not someone is always here this place its heaven sent sometimes ....
justwhoiam Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) I don't think self-esteem has anything to do with this, but I don't know you, so I can't really tell. What I can tell is that there are women 20 years older than you are, and still able to experience such strong feelings. And probably beyond that. Love is love and knows no barriers. That said, of course you need to try to find some balance. But it can't happen overnight. It takes some time. First of all, talk to him and explain to him that when you feel (extremely) emotional, he can't just leave, he needs to help you and be there for you. So when he has to leave, he can allow an extra 10 minutes, or an extra 30 minutes with you to ease your feelings and chill out. That's good because you see he understands and enjoys being with you, you get some more time together, you feel loved and start relaxing and feeling better. Keep yourself busy with different things, also entertaining ones, like watching a movie, reading, etc. Start planning about his next visit. I'm sure there are lots of things he still hasn't seen in the UK. Find places you'd like to visit with him to share great experiences together. You'll get lots of ideas for when he'll be there with you and you'll just have to pick them and have a big time. All that should be positive, because it will remind you that he's coming back soon and for a long time. Edited August 28, 2012 by justwhoiam
Author Kinny Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) Thank you so much for your kind replies! Last night I decided that I was fed up of feeling too emotional over him all the time and that I need to suck it up a bit because it's not forever - and I've done this 5 month thing 3 times before so I can do it again. I've decided to go back to school a week early, where I can enrol myself in a gym, start unpacking and organising my new house, start and finish books for when my course starts and just keep busy in general. He is definitely very understanding and I will open up more to him about how I've been feeling and try some of the things you guys have suggested. Thank you Edited August 28, 2012 by Kinny
bluegreen Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 You welcome : ))) we are all here for same reasons And good for you by the time you finish all that he will be the one missing you and won't that be lovely feeling. You sound all better really it makes me happy to see that keep us posted what happens from now on making news friends also is way to over come these issues ...
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