Eagle55 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Background story is my ex broke things off with me in late June. It was a "not sure she felt the same way situation". After some early mistakes of trying to fix it. I went NC to allow time for myself to heal and give her space. I didn't want to become too needy. The communication early on was met with cold/emotionless conversations where she just reiterated her point and built up a wall. Communication was open if needed. However, after research and looking into the situation I knew it was best I accepted the break up. I have accepted it at this point and realize after going out and finding myself again...I still want her. After the 5 weeks of NC, I opened up communication with her (last Thursday). She was a lot more open and not cold. I kept it short and ended the conversation after some quick catching up. At the end I told her she should come to show (I manage a band) in town. She said yea I might do that...I may not do too much this weekend. I said everyone would love to see you (we have mutual friends) to make it less awkward. Also, she has been hanging out with one of my friends g/f's lately. She was with them on Friday night and they came Saturday but she was a no show. I didn't expect anything and my hopes were not up. However, it would of been nice to see her b/c I feel after making positive changes in me that being around her will allow her to see them. I just know she has doubts and possibly masking her emotions. I don't know how she feels, maybe her feelings are the same as day 1. The main thing is, I would like to be around her to possibly start a spark or see if anything is even still there. So basically I am at the point where I would like to know what things I can do to keep communication going without it being to much. We have a dog and I haven't seen it in a while...I was thinking of asking could I stop by and see her. I am not looking for if she wants you she will call, etc. I understand that. I know her and how she is. I just am looking for some ideas of things I can text...ways to possibly hang out. Thanks!
ProjectSiK Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) Hey dude, we're in some similar situations, you've just been dealing with it longer than I have. I have yet to actually "hang out" with my ex but I have put myself out there somewhat recently. I basically made it known that I'd like to see her and hang out with her again. You say you invited her to a show of yours? I think that's great. See if she comes along, don't stress her too much though. You put the invite out there, now wait to see if she comes along. At least that's what I'd do. Maybe if you want to indirectly persuade her, talk to your friends girlfriend and ask her if she'd be able to tag along and maybe she could get your ex to come with her. If she decides not to, don't let it bother you. That's funny coming from me because my ex has bailed once on me so far because she definitely has a lot on her plate. Just take it as it is, go slow, don't pester her. If she wants to come around, she will. You both just need to be comfortable with the circumstances. Also, as much as it pains me to say this (because I know I have to accept it as well), no matter how much you say you've changed (and I'm not doubting you by any means), you must mentally prepare yourself for the worst and just hope for the best. Good luck man, hope it all goes over well for you EDIT: You know what's weird, I just skimmed your first post and your entire break-up is EXACTLY like mine. Essentially becoming comfortable, not doing the little things that count, etc. If you wanna PM me, we can talk, it's nice to see someone on here that I can relate to almost exactly. Edited August 28, 2012 by ProjectSiK
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Sounds somewhat similar to my situation. I had my falling out in early-mid July with a girl I was hanging out with/casually dating due to some stupidity and a freak out on my part. Was a short "relationship" -- about two months -- but I fell hard. The first couple conversations were kind of cold and then she stopped answering my texts/returning my calls, so I stepped back and haven't tried to talk to her in four weeks. I get a chance to hang out with her in two weekends (she's the sister-in-law of one of my best friends, who is in town with his wife). I've hemmed and hawed, on this site and in real life about this situation, what she might feel and what I need to do when I get to see her, but I've realized that I can't worry about that and I have to be me. At least at first, I have to treat her like I did when I first started hanging out with her and just let who I am flow out and not have any expectations from her side. I'm not going to try to recreate things, just be me, which was perfectly fine until I let the situation get to my head. As for your situation, I wouldn't rush it at all. If you really want her, then be willing to allow her to take you back on her terms, because you aren't going to be able to convince her through logic or reason. No matter what she does, act like it's what you expected to happen. Take what progress you can manage and build from there. I don't know how long you guys went out, but there were good memories there. If you build the relationship back at a pace she's comfortable with, eventually those memories could come back. But you aren't going to be able to push the pace -- if you do, you'll be **** out of luck. You might be **** out of luck anyway, but if the juice is worth the squeeze, go for it.
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