Gaprofitt Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Hello All, As most of you know my wife left July 1st with our soon to be year old son after filing for divorce on June 28th. The past 2 months for me have been extremely hard, my wife has been less than nice and in fact cruel to me in soo many ways. The worst has been keeping my son from me even though she's hardly working at all. I now have a temporary order for every other weekend which isn't remotely enough. I've learned a lot about myself in the past two months. I've learned how stupid I was for not realizing the issues in our marriage, being complacent and not doing anything about it. I know we are both at fault for this, she wasn't strong to talk to me and kept everything inside, I held a huge resentment against her for a lot of stuff and that became the status quo of daily life. I now realize times when I read her mind wrong and thought one thing when she really needed me to do A instead of B. Ultimately a volcano built up between us and inside her which caused her to leave. A week after she left I took a long hard look in the mirror, I acknowledged the mistakes I made and went about making some changes. The first was I started with two counselors focusing on bettering myself and my flaws with my behavior and to become a better person. This lead to going to some other classes and support groups. The counseling has cost me over $150 a week but I continue to go until this day. I have also read a lot of books about relationships, building trusts and being the best husband and person you can be in life. My counselors have given me homework often to work on controlling anxiety, letting go of and not keeping any resentment which can kill marriages. I've learned to be more positive, more independent and just a better person in general. Obviously it's something I will continue to work at as time goes on for sure. I am also dedicated to the gym now and bettering my health. I lost probably 25 pounds because of the looming divorce and other 15 I think is due to my eating healthy and exercising. Early on in the departure of my wife I sent probably 300 emails since she wouldn't talk to me asking for forgiveness, pleading with her to understand we need to stay together, I usually got three letter responses, vague responses, etc. I love this woman and my child with all my heart, I now realize she knows what I would do for us, she just has to accept it as the truth. My wife is living with her family, I know they are very influential on her as they should be, I also think she needs to make her own decisions. I remember her telling me a few years back her parents had not made a good decision in quite awhile and she was frustrated by it. I really feel like the last year of our marriage I didn't make many good decisions. The point being we all make mistakes. I just hope she is making the choice and not being pressured to make me the bad guy, horrible for our son, etc. Some things make me wonder as it's totally out of character for her. We have mediation scheduled for the end of Sept, I finally am feeling like I have said it all. I have told her I would go to counseling which I have and will continue to do so, I have told her I would love to try again and allow her to do some in a comfortable way, get an apartment, etc. I am finally at peace if she doesn't make that decision to try again with me it will be her loss and her mistake. I'm certainly not one of those people who says they will do something and not deliver. I have beat myself up so bad over this and I can't continue to do so, I have to work on myself and continue to better myself, I can't dwell on the past or regret things. I can only focus on the future and understand my mistakes, would I like my wife and son to be a a part of a new future, yes more than anything. I finally feel like everything has been said, the ball is in her court to save our family and trust in me or just let me go and do the co-parenting thing. I've told her I want her to be a stay at home mom again, I don't want her working full time and our son in daycare. I have truly said it all and I really mean what I have said. I would go 1000% effort if given another opportunity for our marriage and our family. Anyone else have a looming divorce and feel like they have said it all? I'm ready to show some action and not just talk, I sure wish I would get that chance. Greg Edited August 27, 2012 by Gaprofitt
AllieKat Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Me!!! Well divorce papers havent been filed tet but H and i have been living in this nightmare for 3 months now! We still live under same roof but have no relationship to speak of! I to feel like ive said everything i can and almost done everything i can, and i too feel ball is in H court to make the next move. Im not giving up though till i have too. Im still hopeful! I know what your going through though i feel like im the only one fighting for a marriage i still want. Im hoping H will come to a place where he wants to save it too
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