turnera Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Another question that keeps coming up is disclosing the A to friends and relatives. Only a few relatives on my side know, and a few friends. A few others don’t know and sometimes ask questions or make suggestions that they wouldn’t if they knew. Should we tell them? I am not proud of what happened but I really wouldn’t care if they knew, as long as I am solid with my wife. She says that she is not very comfortable with them knowing but that we might need to say at some point. Any advice? It's normal to be afraid you'll fall off the wagon, just like with any other drug addiction (that's what your affair was). It will fade with time. I told you last month that you should tell your family and friends, so they can HELP you stay on the straight path. It's like an alcoholic telling his truth so others can help him avoid temptation. Plus, it's good for your soul to have that humility.
turnera Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 You also need to tell your wife the truth. A marriage is supposed to be two best friends. You are lying to her, whether you coat it in 'I'm protecting her' bs or not. If you truly love her, you will respect her enough to tell her the truth and then ask her to HELP you. Do it together. Your best bet is to be a true team, who tells each other everything.
Author xxxV Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 Hi Turnera The only thing that I haven't shared with my wife is the re-ocurrence of these thoughts about the A. It might be bullsh*t but would it be good to share these invasive thoughts? It is an honest question. I am not doing anything on her back, she is just to stressed right now that I don't want to add anything bad. Regarding the A, I have told her everything. Timeline, dates, etc. She has not returned to that and she believes me (thankfully, because I haven't held anything from her).
turnera Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Why is she stressed? Telling her would be you showing her that you want to be honest with her about everything and that you want to tackle this as a team. I may be wrong, but I'd think that her knowing you are now into her 100% that way would help. Plus it would help her understand how your thought processes work.
Author xxxV Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 She is stressed because her mother is hospitalized with cancer. My mother in law is fighting cancer for 2 years now. She can't eat, weighs +/-40kgs and she might not leave the hospital. It really sounds like it's the final stage.
turnera Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Oh! I'm so sorry! Definitely put this on the back burner then!
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