beachgirl500 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I went away on vacation to England for a month, came back, and told me he wanted to be single. Before this, we have been having problems on and off for about half a year. He is the type that will expect you to notice the problems that you made, rather than him having to tell you every step of the way. Before I left on vacation, I begged and begged him to not end things. I was crying and couldn't allow myself to leave his presence until he told me everything would be okay again. After a long fight he calmed down and told me we shouldn't talk while I was away - telling me that when I would come back, we would be happier to see each other after not talking for so long. Obviously I messaged him here and there while I was away because I couldn't adjust to not message him at all, but he would barely reply. If anything, it would be one word answers. Talking to him at all, I felt miserable because I didn't want these one word answers. I decided not to talk to him at all while I was away after that. When I came back, I thought of all the happy times we had when we first started dating. I also thought about him saying that when I come back, things would mend better because we would have missed each other and we would have things to talk about. Well when I came back, things changed. He told me he felt bad and said all those things to cheer me up so I wouldn't have a bad vacation. Obviously I was heart broken, came back with false hope. But I constantly messaged him saying I wanted to work things out. This pushed him away further. If you show him you are fine without him, he might message you back - whether it takes a month, two, or three, he might ask how you are doing. Just don't be the first to message him after knowing YOU TRIED YOUR BEST in saving your relationship. He told me he wanted to be friends, just not now. But after I pestered him, he told me he didn't want to and said he was going to ignore me. So I took the hint, even though it took some time, and decided to not talk to him at all. In a sense, it is a bit of reverse psychology. A baby is happy until you take something away, then they begin to want it. He is happy until you can show him that you can take yourself away from him, even though he was the one to end it, then he just might begin to want you back in his life. Maybe not like in a relationship kind of way, but a friend kind of way. He told me he felt like we were best friends while we were dating, and told me he didn't feel like he was just in a relationship. So take warm memories to heart, and maybe something will become initiated within time. Give him time. Give yourself time. Prove that you are stronger than that. After whining, show him that you can cut all contact. Maybe after a while, if you become friends, like this article says, remind him of the person he fell in love with. DO NOT CRY. DO NOT GET ANGRY. DO NOT SHOW AGGRESSION. Show him that you're happy! Smile. Laugh. Transport only good, and positive thoughts. Show him that you're a strong woman. Show him that nothing can stop you from being happy. Men like that. I only JUST NOW realized this. I have made the mistake of showing my weakness, and honestly, I feel like gold right now. I think this time apart will not only make him happy, because obviously that is what he requested, but it will give you time to show him that you are better than that. Maybe, not always, but just maybe, he will text you soon enough to ask how you are doing. After all the confusion of mixed feelings pass, he will have calmed down and find that talking to you will no longer be a burden. Honestly I am going through so much right now, not only the breakup, but I have come to pass with this and need to for my sanity. Even though everything reminds me of him, I cannot show him I'm weak. Even though it might kill you to not talk to him, you simply cannot if you ever want to be on positive terms with him. Or in any case, with him/her. I've never been so depressed in my life, but honestly, reading these articles make me a stronger person. I have finally come to accept his wishes and can only hope for the best for both of our futures'. The moral is, don't talk to him and make him want you back. Show him what you're worth. Glow. Let him know you've moved on, and even though he may show he has moved on, there is a strong chance that he is hurting inside. Feelings don't just go away, remember that. Think positive. Do positive things. Surround yourself with positive people. Push away those friends that just want to sit at home on the computer. Push away those friends who don't make time to see you, but you would always make time for them. YOU cannot waste time with those kinds of people, especially at a time like this. You need to bloom and grow and learn to mature in a positive manner rather than a negative one. It took me time to learn that, but I have finally come at peace with things. I am doing things to make myself a better person, and if he doesn't want to share that with me, say "bye-bye!" and JUST GIVE IT TIME. Right now I have no idea what my future holds, but man am I ever glad to have realized that I am not the only person going through this. Unfortunately, reading about other peoples' problems makes you realize that the reality of everything is honestly a normal thing. Everyone goes through it, and one day, even though people say things will get better, some decide not to believe that until they go through it themselves. Be the better person and show him he is not worth it, even if you miss him! You cannot do anything as of now, and if it makes you feel any better, hide your phone. Don't look at it. Don't read his tweets, don't sit by your phone waiting for him to text you - because he won't. Not now anyways. But maybe one day. Just wait, and everything will fall into place. I know it is hard to take your own advice, but the gist of it is that it is the best advice anyone could ever give. Because you try to unwind all the positivity and lay it out in front of you and find ways to think that everything will soon be better, and it will! Whether or not you get back together or not, things WILL get better. So do not let anyone tell you that what you are thinking is wrong, or that you are getting your hopes up, but things really will get better. Everyone has a weakness and a strength. Fifty percent of the time you will feel bummy, and fifty percent of the time you will feel happy. You need to be happy with what memories you have made, and not regret a single thing! It is hard to stop all contact after so long, but you need to do it for yourself, your sanity, and prove him you are more than what he thought you were! Edited August 27, 2012 by beachgirl500
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