blue_jay_bird Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Im thinking of breaking NC, planing what to say: Any thoughts. What i want to say to him: " I just want you to be happy, and i know you said you where not happy with me, so what you did was right. Your following you guts and how you feel. One day you will find a girl that you do want to spend the rest of your life with, and so will I. Don't feel so bad about it. This stuff happens" What i feel: "We have very poor communication skills. We didn't talk about are problems. I didn't recognize how much i built my life around you. I didn't want friends, i didn't want hobbies. But i feel like you just tossed away seven years without giving me a chance to fix things. I feel like you don't understand what a adult relationship is. It's communicating problems and working through them. Talk to me."
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) three months, i know its to soon. But im sitting here waiting for him to come back. Which is stopping me from moving on. People can say over and over he's gone. But im still stuck here. Edited August 27, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Oh please don't send that if he's the one that ended the relationship. No offense, but you sound so weak in that email. If he's the one that ended it, and you haven't heard from him...it's because he doesn't want to hear from you or talk to you.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Oh please don't send that if he's the one that ended the relationship. No offense, but you sound so weak in that email. If he's the one that ended it, and you haven't heard from him...it's because he doesn't want to hear from you or talk to you. What doesn't sounds weak. What should i sound like.
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Well...what are you trying to accomplish by sending an email?
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Im thinking of breaking NC, planing what to say: Any thoughts. What i want to say to him: " I just want you to be happy, and i know you said you where not happy with me, so what you did was right. Your following you guts and how you feel. One day you will find a girl that you do want to spend the rest of your life with, and so will I. Don't feel so bad about it. This stuff happens" What i feel: "We have very poor communication skills. We didn't talk about are problems. I didn't recognize how much i built my life around you. I didn't want friends, i didn't want hobbies. But i feel like you just tossed away seven years without giving me a chance to fix things. I feel like you don't understand what a adult relationship is. It's communicating problems and working through them. Talk to me." Im not going to send. I just feel this way, and i don't know how i should feel. Should i feel like he's missing out, that im awesome, its his loss. I should but i understand why he left. I suffer from depression, i have a ****y job, i live at home. I would not date me.
weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 ahhhgrrrrr balls, your probably lovely, your just suffering a bit.......
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 OK Bluejay. He didn't leave you because you suffer from depression, have a crappy job, live at home. That's not why he left you. He left you, because you two weren't compatible. Love lift you up and makes you feel good about yourself. That's when you know you're with the right person. You never liked yourself. That's the first relationship you need to work on. Who doesn't have a crappy job. Who hasn't had to live with there parents to get back on their feet at some point. Depression is a chemical thing, which I won't even get into. Are you suffering from depression because it's Dr. diagnosed or are you just depressed about your life? Big differencw. It sounds like he brought out the insecurities in you. You don't sound like you were genuinely happy with him either you know. Not if you were thinking this way. You're punishing yourself for him leaving you, by taking all the blame. 1
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Ty, yeah, im struggling today. At the start i had a clear perspective, but the more time i spend not talking about it, the more my old thought process come back.
penguin23 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Hey Blue Jay. Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time! To me, 3 months after a 7 year long relationship isn't that much time. I definitely don't think that you should break NC but I think it's totally normal to want to contact your ex with that kind of stuff at this point after the break up. When you have those bad days just keep reminding yourself that not everyday is going to feel so bad. It doesn't stay like that forever. You mention that your old thought process is coming back because you're not talking about it...maybe a therapist would be a good option for you. I've had a therapist for about a year now and it's great because I can go and talk about whatever I want and not worry that I'm going to bore her or make her want to hang out with me less. Whenever you want to contact your ex, post on LS just like you did today. There's almost never a good reason to contact an ex...and LS people can give you the perspective that you can't have when you're in the middle of it all and you just want to contact him. And just keep reminding yourself on those really sucky days that you're not going to feel like this forever. Hang in there!
Samilia Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Take care of that depression, go back to school part time, work part time (at least you'll have a reason for the crabby job), when you get a great job after graduation, move out. You clearly want him back, do something about it. People want a good life, they want someone they know they can count on, someone they can build a future with, the "this is who I am" works as long as you're doing your best, I feel you're not. Depression sucks, I know, it's a selfish condition, but that's a treatable one. I personally see it as the best way ever to go back to school, let's face it, depression weeds out friends and family.. I try to see an opportunity here, who's going to distract you? The only person in the way of getting a better life, of being someone you'd date, is you. Good luck
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