golk Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 My original breakup story can be found here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/342606-really Long story short, she broke up with me about a week ago because of GIGS, needed space, wasn't IN love anymore, blah blah. But I ended up taking her with me for my birthday to a little island party spot on Saturday because we planned it a long time ago. When we first saw each other Saturday morning, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the neck and a bday card with a nice message. We continued to be not touchy at all until we got there and she kept saying babe, boo, all the pet names. Then she would randomly squeeze me hug me. When we got to be alone on the boat for a bit. We started kissing and making out and she told me," I love you, want to be with you, we're meant to be, we deserve each other..." We went out to the bars and she was ALL OVER me. Like gave me a hickey, saying she wants me, dancing all over me, kept grabbing my , and it felt so good when she was acting normal again. We had so much fun! That night we didn't have sex or anything but went a little further than making out. I ended up seeing her phone and she was texting this guy that i think she likes and she deleted all of his previous texts from the last few days probably so i wouldnt see them. Sunday we talked about us and she asked me if it was worth it to give it another shot, denied there being someone else, blah blah and said we could talk more when we got back home. But when we got back to my house on Sunday she instantly went cold and wanted to leave. Only talked for 5 minutes and said there was hope for us but she didn't want to talk the rest of the day but would call me the next day. Then she said we would hangout next week sometime and we shouldn't talk (besides the phone call) for the rest of the week! I'm going nuts again. I can't take it! Is she just doing this for her own pleasure or is she really unsure??!! She said that this weekend was one of the top three best times she's had with me.
2sunny Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 She's an attention seeker. Those types never know how to be faithful. Run!!! Fast! Don't communicate with her any further. 1
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 No...she's really just unsure. She's not playing games on purpose. She does have strong feelings for you. Whether it's just that she's comfortable with you...I can't tell you. If she were madly in love with you...there would be no doubt. She wouldn't be able to stay away from you. Not even for a minute. There is some good news though. She's not that into the other guy either. I wouldn't even look at him as the threat at this point. Not if she's deleting his txts and fooling around with you passionately behind his back My best advice. Since this girl is teetering back and forth about her feelings for you, you need to let her know you're not a yo-yo. You need to stand up for yourself and say to her "Look...I care about you, but I'm not going to let you play with my emotions. You need to figure out what you want, and I need to figure out if this is something I want." If you stand up to her and let her know she's going to end up losing you with her wishy washiness...you'll see her come around faster than fast.
Author golk Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks for the replies but I don't think she's just an attention seeker. Sure this new lifestyle of hers is making her seem like it and I know she likes the attention (she literally told me lol), but for the last four years she was NEVER like that. I don't think someone can just change a huge personality trait in such a short amount of time. I think tonight will be my last contact with her for a while, she's SUPPOSED to call so we can talk about it and I'm going to tell her exactly what you said and go NC. I feel like it's my only option now.
flitzanu Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 your best option here is to STOP letting her drag you around. playing games intentionally or unintentionally, you're still letting yourself get hurt right now. don't give her the option of breaking up with you to be single and then stringing you along while she finds her next boyfriend.
Regrets58 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Mixed messages can be dangerous to your mental health! Dumpers sometimes pursue a friendship very enthusiastically. This can be for many reasons,some selfish some not. They may be unsure,like your company and still want you in their life somehow.Use you to transition to single life. Maybe to assuage their guilt,"I can't be so horrible,I am still his friend". Had more or less the same as you(incl hickey lol),told me she was "thinking of coming back to me".When we were together it was so relaxed and natural. Never amounted to anything,went on nearly 5 months before I went NC. Don't think she meant any harm but the false hope was damaging for me.Please don't be sucked into something like this! What you want to hear is "I have made a dreadful mistake,please let's talk and I will do everything I can to make us work. Anything else is false hope.Only my opinion!
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Dude, I told you in the last thread that there was another guy. Now, you're saying that when she was with you, the guy was programmed in her phone, but all the texts were deleted (red flag). She was texting this guy while she was with you (red flag). She was all over you over the weekend, but as soon as you got her home, she clammed up and told you that you shouldn't have any contact for the rest of the week (red flag). She probably told this other dude that she was away visiting her sick grandmother and now she has to make up lost time with him. Bet if you called, in the evenings, you'd go straight to voicemail. Bet if you went over there one evening to give her a rose and thanked her for a wonderful weekend, she's freak out and not in a good way. Bet if you have a friend track her one evening, you'd probably get a very interesting report from him or her. Dude, you're getting played. 1
Author golk Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Whether she's playing me, really unsure, or stringing me along, tonight is the last time and then I'm going NC. I can't take it. You are probably right Chi, especially about the other guy thing. Today I have been working on hiding all pics, notes, cards, or anything that will upset me later if i see them. I just blocked her on FB and Twitter too and hopefully that will help somewhat because seeing all her tweets and new pics was driving me insane! She texted me last night saying she had a rough day and I didn't answer and again this afternoon saying hii. Pretty fitting that when I don't talk to her all day today she posted two pics up from the weekend of us but then deleted one right away (before I blocked her). Probably to see if i would respond... I'm starting to get sick of her crap.
Author golk Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 UPDATE I went to talk with her at her house tonight (I was planning on just a phone call but whatever) and it went really good, not just in terms of me hoping we'll get back one day, but i really feel like i took charge and got some sort of closure. We talked for about two hours and ill leave a lot of the details out. I started off by saying how i feel about her and our past relationship, i was being super nice and just saying how much she means to me and i love her and all... But then i said i cant do it anymore and that i dont deserve to be just strung along like this after everything. I said that maybe one day we can try again but only when we've both had time to heal and work on ourselves. She asked if she could give me a hug and I told her that of course i want her too but its too hard. She started telling how shes not being herself and wants to be with me and is still in love with me (realizing it after this weekend) but she cant bring herself to get back with me because theres just too much on her plate. I told her i knew about the other dude and she denied denied denied, swore on everything, etc etc. But it doesn't even matter anymore to me. Then she started bawling and telling me that shes not sure if its right and she doesn't want to lose me. So i hugged her tight and wiped the tears away from her eyes. But i left her with ," You know how i feel about you/us. If you ever truly regret what happened/feel sorry for what you did and want to work on us, then don't hesitate to contact me. I wish you the best of luck with school/football and hope you can find happiness. I love you." I feel better today but who knows about tomorrow. I hope I can follow thru with the no contact deal. It's the only thing that will help me now!
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