angie2443 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 <jumping up and down waving hand in the air> ME! ME! I HAVE!! LOL! I have seen many jobless MM or MM men working really low paying jobs who have been able to get OW despite their position. I don't know why, or how, but it happens. Actually, two MM's I've known of were out of work and just hanging at home. They both had things going on the side and both were really good looking. Maybe this was a factor? I don't know. It does happen, though.
angie2443 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 ...fBS here.... Yes, he is unavailable because he is married, but that proves he can (usually) do a long-term relationship well. He also provides for his family and talks of his devotion to his children. He is probably a proven alpha male and according to evolutionary psychologists, that is what all women seek, whethr they realize it or not. . I don't know if you're saying this is how OW see these men, or if this is the truth about these men. I can say, without a doubt, that bieng married does not prove anything. It doesn't prove a man can do a relationship well. It doesn't mean he is a good provider to his children. Many women, married or otherwise, know this. Also, I can say that those evolutionary psychologists are wrong if they think that all women are hoping to score alpha males. I wasn't. Many I know weren't either. Many married men are attractive, both inside and out, because they simply are, regardless of their marital status. Maybe some OW just go for them because they don't want the complications of a serious relationship, and have no moral issues of bieng with a MM.
Spark1111 Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I don't know if you're saying this is how OW see these men, or if this is the truth about these men. I can say, without a doubt, that bieng married does not prove anything. It doesn't prove a man can do a relationship well. It doesn't mean he is a good provider to his children. Many women, married or otherwise, know this. Also, I can say that those evolutionary psychologists are wrong if they think that all women are hoping to score alpha males. I wasn't. Many I know weren't either. Many married men are attractive, both inside and out, because they simply are, regardless of their marital status. Maybe some OW just go for them because they don't want the complications of a serious relationship, and have no moral issues of bieng with a MM. On this we agree! It is, initially a risk-free relationship because he is MARRIED. Attractive? Why? If it is his confidence than that IS an alpha male trait. If it is his physical appearance, than many a single or divorced man can be equally as attractive. Score alpha males? No. Attracted to alpha males? Yes.
GLDheart Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 That "safety" of starting an innocent conversation with someone unavailable... Then the thought creeps in of "what if"... Then the seductive longing for forbidden fruit... Hmmm.... This gets me thinking.... Now that I'm single, I should start wearing a wedding ring to help my game.
Author losingmyground Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 That "safety" of starting an innocent conversation with someone unavailable... Then the thought creeps in of "what if"... Then the seductive longing for forbidden fruit... Hmmm.... This gets me thinking.... Now that I'm single, I should start wearing a wedding ring to help my game. Years before he even cheated, he would come and tell me stories of women hitting on him even with the wedding ring. Of course, the majority were women in the early 20s. Good luck with that. If you want browny points, play the sympathy card of your cheating ex. Women just seem to eat that **** up.
Furious Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) Those who do not understand this must never have experienced true romantic love. That is the only explanation I find plausible. If true romantic love involves deception, cowardice, and a willingness to be someone's secret,hidden from the real world in a hotel room, and having to be available when it's convenient for MM/MW, I guess that would be a plausible explanation for someone who is fine with labeling it true love. Edited August 28, 2012 by Furious 7
Steadfast Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 ...the premise of true love being about your needs met without hurting someone else is faulty...*snip*... And for that matter, what does "true" love mean? How is that quantified? I've never been a big fan of the term 'true' love, although it can define correctly. Comparing real and imitation love is a different story, We can and do truly feel self-serving lust and desire. We can truly want something, regardless of what it does to others. Real love gives without expecting a return, imitation love only exists if what's being paid is being returned to the giver's satisfaction. When two people feel real love for each other, the possibility of betrayal is virtually eliminated. It that rare? It seems to be. 2
skylarblue Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 I am looking for honest answer from OW/MOW. What exactly is the attraction of a MM? Is it the fact that his is "unavailable"? Maybe the fact that marriage is supposed to equal loyalty? If the are children involved, do they figure into the equation? I'm sure I'm on an island by myself here, but I found a MM's ring very attractive. I would purposefully target a MM because I found it to be an ego boost. Even if I didn't want to sleep with him, I would just enjoy getting him to admit he was willing to cheat on his W with me. I didn't want just any MM. I wanted the faithful, devoted, loving, respected father and H who'd been married longterm with preferably young children. The MM who had everything to lose and would never cheat on his W (horrible, I know). I never wanted a R, just the satisfaction of knowing I got him to cheat or cross the boundaries. Even with xMM, for years my main attraction was that he fit that bill and was constantly crossing boundaries and taking risks in his M.
cocorico Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I am looking for honest answer from OW/MOW. What exactly is the attraction of a MM? Is it the fact that his is "unavailable"? Maybe the fact that marriage is supposed to equal loyalty? If the are children involved, do they figure into the equation? I was an OW, so meet your criteria to comment. The attraction was, in part, that he was "safe" by virtue of being M, that he would not want more of me than I was willing to give. But mostly it was because it was him. Who he was, not what he was. Which I think was different to him from his BW. She saw what he was, and any old dude who met those criteria would have done. And he felt that. Where I saw him, liked him, loved him. Not the wedding ring. Not the rank. Not e salary. Not the prospects. Him. I think he relished that. I think he unnderstood that being loved for himself rather than what he could provide mattered more in the big scheme of things. And yes, our children did matter. They helped us to choose to be together.
William Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 Minor cleanup. Stage two. Topic requests input from present or former other women (OW). If not one, enjoy the read.
woinlove Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 Those who do not understand this must never have experienced true romantic love. That is the only explanation I find plausible. When I was selfish and lacked empathy and connection to others, I was an OW and I felt like that too. But, now I know that it is possible to share an enduring romantic love which is not selfish, where you want the other person to be happy and fulfilled as much as you want that for yourself. However, that kind of love had nothing to do with why I chose to be with MM - in fact, I wasn't even capable of that kind of love then. Although we used the love word a lot, it didn't mean that kind of enduring romantic love that wasn't selfish. 3
woinlove Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 I'm sure I'm on an island by myself here, but I found a MM's ring very attractive. I would purposefully target a MM because I found it to be an ego boost. Even if I didn't want to sleep with him, I would just enjoy getting him to admit he was willing to cheat on his W with me. I didn't want just any MM. I wanted the faithful, devoted, loving, respected father and H who'd been married longterm with preferably young children. The MM who had everything to lose and would never cheat on his W (horrible, I know). I never wanted a R, just the satisfaction of knowing I got him to cheat or cross the boundaries. Even with xMM, for years my main attraction was that he fit that bill and was constantly crossing boundaries and taking risks in his M. You are definitely not an island by yourself, as I've read similar things from OW who no longer post here, but who could list the reasons they were specifically interested in MM. I gave my own reasons, which overlap a bit with yours, and had some part of the ego boost. Also, I know married men, even ones who have no interest in cheating, who have recognized the lure of a ring for some women.
Summer Breeze Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 On this we agree! It is, initially a risk-free relationship because he is MARRIED. Attractive? Why? If it is his confidence than that IS an alpha male trait. If it is his physical appearance, than many a single or divorced man can be equally as attractive. Score alpha males? No. Attracted to alpha males? Yes. What does anyone find attractive about anyone? It's every single part individually and it's the whole complete package. I find Brad Pitt attractive but it ain't gonna happen. I find one of the guys I work with really attractive but it ain't gonna happen. Being attracted to someone isn't the same as having the 'whatever it is' that takes it further. If being attracted to someone was all it took then we'd all end up marrying our first date when we're 16.
LadyElaine Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Those who do not understand this must never have experienced true romantic love. That is the only explanation I find plausible. That is completely insulting (not surprising) and untrue. I had an opportunity years ago to get back with an ex that I still loved deeply, had throughout our relationship and after he dumped me. His wife was a woman I knew who had been actively horrible to me so I had no reason in her not to. Why did I turn him down? Because if I had accepted my own character would have been worthless. I would have been no better than a...well I won't say. And I will never love anyone more than my own good character. But also- interestingly- I felt I was saving him, the man I truly loved then- from the same character destruction. I would not be the instrument through which he became a liar an a cheat and negated every single good characteristic he'd previously had. And I believe thats what cheating does. People tal about good people doing bad things. Sure. But when they do they have stopped Wong good people. Their good deeds are in the past, and maybe in the future as my WH hopes but when they're lying and cheating they are bad bad people. And for a long processing and repentance time after. And I wouldn't wish that on someone I loved. I would pity them, as I do my husband. 2
LadyElaine Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 What does anyone find attractive about anyone? It's every single part individually and it's the whole complete package. I find Brad Pitt attractive but it ain't gonna happen. I find one of the guys I work with really attractive but it ain't gonna happen. Being attracted to someone isn't the same as having the 'whatever it is' that takes it further. If being attracted to someone was all it took then we'd all end up marrying our first date when we're 16. You just need to add the moral compass to say "married, ain't gonna happen" and then I can agree with you. And if women did that there would be no OW. 1
Summer Breeze Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 You just need to add the moral compass to say "married, ain't gonna happen" and then I can agree with you. And if women did that there would be no OW. My moral compass is fine thanks. I have no regrets at all about my involvement with him. If men didn't cheat there would be no OW either. That is always my point. An OW is absolutely inconsequential. If a man didn't cheat there would be no AP. I'm not going to carry this further here because it's getting OT. If you want to PM me or start another thread I'd be happy to continue. This thread isn't about me specifically. I've said my peace about the topic. 1
LadyElaine Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 I've never defended a MM in my life so happy to stay on topic. Obviously someone's moral compass is missing of they think affairs with married people are ok, by definition sleeping with someone else's partner is immoral and there's no moral philosophy that can justify it. I know many times people do immoral things because they themselves are broken and should be helped and pitied. But it doesn't make it moral. 3
2.50 a gallon Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 In a sense I was a MM. Up through my marriage and separation, I was used to having sex at the minimum of twice a week, and prior to marriage upwards of double digits a week, for the previous dozen years. About a week after my separation I came down with a problem, nick named the blue balls, which was eased when I had a revenge affair with one of the associate OM's wives. This was my first step over into the dark side. From there it was easy to go after many of my married co-workers, they knew of my ex's and I's marital problems, and they shared their stories with me, and from there we took action My foray into the dark side only lasted a few months, when I finally was able to begin to hook up with single women. I never did file for divorce, it was the ex who filed 4 years later, abd I did not find out that I was divorced until a good dozen years later. For the first few years, when asked if I was married, I would say but separated, none of them walked away. And many of them admitted that they found me more attractive being as I was still married
DBella Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) ...fBS here.... Have you ever heard of a woman having an affair with someone who is jobless? Single and still living at home with his mother? My H ended up losing his job because of his affair, then ended up moving out of our home and now has been at his mother's house for the past 5 months, even had his phone line disconnected, and yes, the OW is still having her affair with him. I never understood this whole scenario. She knew from the very beginning that we were married for 10 years, she has also seen my little children. When I suspected they were flirting, I contacted her and literally begged her to leave him alone since we were trying to work on our marriage and save our family. What is her motive? I have no idea, she barely knew him, she knew we were a family, he doesn't have any money, he's unemployed right now and staying with his mom. Their affair started within 2 months of training at the same gym, it's not like they have known each other for ever and have been best friends for ages. It's a mystery to me. Edited September 1, 2012 by DBella ETA: I forgot how to quote in a forum lol
DBella Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 LOL! I have seen many jobless MM or MM men working really low paying jobs who have been able to get OW despite their position. I don't know why, or how, but it happens. Actually, two MM's I've known of were out of work and just hanging at home. They both had things going on the side and both were really good looking. Maybe this was a factor? I don't know. It does happen, though. Looks are definitely a factor. I'm not sure if that's the main reason why the OW got obsessed with my H but I know it has a lot to do with it.
DBella Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 A married man will chase a woman like a rabid dog. They will not give up until they catch her. They look for lonely women and lavish them with praise and attention until she finally gives in. I know that most people believe that women go chasing after married men but, that is usually not the case. A married man will pursue a woman more aggressively than a single guy will. I had a married man chase after me for over a year. I kept telling I wasn't interested and he still wouldn't leave me alone. A year passed by and he started trying to get me go out with him again. I finally asked why he didn't find another victim and he said it was because he wanted to have sex with me in the woods. I just laughed and called him a dirty old perv. He didn't care for that too much but, finally left me alone. What a crazy nut job he was. Sounds like my neighbor and a couple of other MM I know. The more you tell them to leave you alone, the more they want to harass you.
DBella Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 I'm glad you mentioned the competitive nature. IHO, women are FAR more competitive than men and in so many cases, the cold-hardheartedness is shocking. Cheating is a sick game. Thrills at another person's expense. YES! So true. I see this almost on a daily basis here in Miami. I know women who get off by messing with MM. They love it. They talk about it like they are proud of it. It's sickening.
2.50 a gallon Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 "Have you ever heard of a woman having an affair with someone who is jobless?" "Single and still living at home with his mother" I am sorry to report I have seen the above several times. And will add not only the above, but the man was a drug dealer, others criminals awaiting trial, or out on probation. And the women were married, throwing away, good husbands and families, and in a couple of cases ending up behind bars themselves. However this is off topic I should have added to my previous post, that even though I was separated from my Ex, I did not take off my ring right away. Part of the reason was that the ring was a chick magnet when going out to certain bars. Typically the conversation would begin with the woman asking me if the wife was out of town. And once back at my place they would check out the wedding photo on the wall and tell me how beautiful my wife was. And during the act itself, wanted to know whether they were a better f*ch
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