weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hey, i'm a single dad to a 15yr old daughter. She has a statement of special needs. She has a lot of issues, stinting back to when her mum abandoned her, which is when i took her on. I was in another relationship at the time. Anyway, i wanted to know from a womans point of view, would you take these extra stresses on in a relationship?. my last relationship was a struggle as she had kids too, and my daughter disrupted a lot of things, and made life very difficult...
CarrieT Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Some women will. I've posted recently that as a middle-aged woman, I not only never wanted children but I turned down any prospective dates with guys who had kids. It shocked me when I met a guy online who had everything I ever wanted in a relationship but he had three children. On top of it, his oldest is very Special Needs and will not be able to go through life without always having an adult (or other caretaker) present. This child is an idiot/savant with a variety of issues that I'm not qualified to comment on, but suffice to say that at 14, he is a mathematical and scientific genius but whose outbreaks and ramblings could land him in jail. My BF was upfront that there would be challenges in our relationship; not just because of the special needs child but because of his relationship with his Ex (they mostly only communicate through lawyers and mediators). So it has come as a complete surprise that I entered into the relationship knowing this AND that it has been working amazingly well. So don't discount all women. And it your child is one who bonds to people in her life quickly, then wait until you are sure the woman/women you date are going to be around for a while before introducing your child. My BF waited four or five months before introducing me to kids. I now see them every weekend and our plan is to continue this way for several more months (at least through Christmas) before I move in and become part of the family. In all, the process is slow for me, but I understand the need for the kids' sake. Good luck! 1
Author weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Cool...nice to hear the guy changed your mind on the over all picture....
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hey, i'm a single dad to a 15yr old daughter. She has a statement of special needs. She has a lot of issues, stinting back to when her mum abandoned her, which is when i took her on. I was in another relationship at the time. Anyway, i wanted to know from a womans point of view, would you take these extra stresses on in a relationship?. my last relationship was a struggle as she had kids too, and my daughter disrupted a lot of things, and made life very difficult... Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't want to date a woman who WOULDN'T be willing to take it on. That shows lack of character or at least lack of readiness to fully love a man, 'warts' and all.
Radu Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Hey, i'm a single dad to a 15yr old daughter. She has a statement of special needs. She has a lot of issues, stinting back to when her mum abandoned her, which is when i took her on. I was in another relationship at the time. Anyway, i wanted to know from a womans point of view, would you take these extra stresses on in a relationship?. my last relationship was a struggle as she had kids too, and my daughter disrupted a lot of things, and made life very difficult... If she has abandonment issues you might have to give up dating for a while and focus on her in a fatherly way. She is at this age only once, in 3yrs she will get out of your reach, and you do not want to let a girl with low self-esteem out there, to be prey for older men and abusers. Talk to her, about relationships. 1
Author weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 i hear ya......i think the last one was just too over emotional and very very weak. i'm not in a rush to meet anyone after my recent split, and i was thinking about concentrating on just me and her for a while.
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 i hear ya......i think the last one was just too over emotional and very very weak. i'm not in a rush to meet anyone after my recent split, and i was thinking about concentrating on just me and her for a while. That would be an amazing gift to your daughter. My mom never dated when I was growing up, and I always loved her for that, for not putting me in a position of having to compete for her time and love.
Author weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 yea i know, that's been the problem....everytime i meet someone, she starts to feel rejected and starts a war campaign, i just can't keep going through that..... But i do have me needs, like everyone else....
Radu Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 yea i know, that's been the problem....everytime i meet someone, she starts to feel rejected and starts a war campaign, i just can't keep going through that..... But i do have me needs, like everyone else.... So find a FWB, just do not introduce your daughter to her. Also, you need to adress this in a way. As in, tell her that this kind of competition is not healthy. Talk to a therapist to see how you can do this, or else she will be constantly threatened in her life. Her mother did something horrible to her, you have the chance to make it right. When she starts dating seriously, and will be looking for a mate, she will be using your template of what is masculinity.
Author weallfalldown Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Hmm...the mother's not worth the **** on my shoe, and went on to have 3 other kids.......
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 There's a great website called www.daughters.com that was created for fathers and daughters but is useful for everyone. Just full of great stuff to learn about, or discuss with your daughter. It really made a difference for us. 1
Greznog Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 If she has abandonment issues you might have to give up dating for a while and focus on her in a fatherly way. She is at this age only once, in 3yrs she will get out of your reach, and you do not want to let a girl with low self-esteem out there, to be prey for older men and abusers. Talk to her, about relationships. Seconding this, why not just wait a few years and focus on your daughter? Trust me, I like my girls young and the ones with weak/absent/uncaring fathers are the easiest. Mind you the father doesn't have to be uncaring, she just has to perceive it as such.
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