Do nice guys really finish last? Ladies?

[OleBlue]

I ask this after reading about all the psychology games, social games, etc.. that seem to be prominent in dating today. I'm an emotional type of guy who is very romantic, and loves just basically being his S/O's cupid.. I enjoy being there for her in anyway possible to talk about any feelings she may have.. I like to live totally selfless in a way that I would "move the Earth for her" but it seems so many women say they want a nice guy who is sweet but yet they really don't.. It seems like they want to feel some take charge, alpha guy...

 

I quite like doing things like below

- Talk about how great of a time I am having/had.

- Leave post-it notes randomly.

- Talk about how beautiful she is...

- Whole body massages/back rubs, etc.. randomly.

- Make spontaneous pies/food.

- Send random romantic text messages.

- Have random sweet sayings/quotes.

 

 

Ladies, Why do you say you want a sweet guy but go for alpha's? Do you want sweet but not no sweet tooth?

[Greznog]

Nice guys actually finish first because they almost never get laid.

 

Unless it involves legal ramifications ( ie rape ) you should never take what a woman says seriously, you need to observe what she actually does.

 

I fully believe women intellectually know what kind of men they should go for in order to achieve long term stability. Their biology just sends them in the opposite direction until they turn 35-40.

[carhill]

Generally, women want the man whom they're sexually attracted by to be a nice guy/good man/generous human being, etc, etc.

 

Horse and cart....only works one way, IME. Sexually attracted first, nice guy second.

[Likka]

I've been reading about this matter a lot - I am trying to understand why guys-men prefer th girls-women who treats them like dirt. There is actually books written for women! The trick in 'treat them mean, keep them keen'!? I can't believe the control some of this cold women who really treat very nice men like dirt. Then after a while being abused, they (men) gets hurt and become emotionally unavailable? Or have trouble trusting again. The nice guys comes last because of the choice in the type of women he goes for. These books have so many tricks and it makes the whole thing a game? So? I would like to know why do you nice guys prefer to come last by choosing a girl-woman who is treating you like crap? What power do they have? Or is it the challange of getting the 'ice queen' to become your warm princess? Is it really so twisted?

[Greznog]

I've been reading about this matter a lot - I am trying to understand why guys-men prefer th girls-women who treats them like dirt. There is actually books written for women! The trick in 'treat them mean, keep them keen'!? I can't believe the control some of this cold women who really treat very nice men like dirt. Then after a while being abused, they (men) gets hurt and become emotionally unavailable? Or have trouble trusting again. The nice guys comes last because of the choice in the type of women he goes for. These books have so many tricks and it makes the whole thing a game? So? I would like to know why do you nice guys prefer to come last by choosing a girl-woman who is treating you like crap? What power do they have? Or is it the challange of getting the 'ice queen' to become your warm princess? Is it really so twisted?

 

It's because many of these boys were raised without a strong male figure in their lives. Their ( single ) mother, combined with the utterly feminized media and educational system has instilled a belief that everything is at all times to be blamed on the male.

 

There are no nice guys with strong male influences in their lives.

[without]

I've been reading about this matter a lot - I am trying to understand why guys-men prefer th girls-women who treats them like dirt. There is actually books written for women! The trick in 'treat them mean, keep them keen'!? I can't believe the control some of this cold women who really treat very nice men like dirt. Then after a while being abused, they (men) gets hurt and become emotionally unavailable? Or have trouble trusting again. The nice guys comes last because of the choice in the type of women he goes for. These books have so many tricks and it makes the whole thing a game? So? I would like to know why do you nice guys prefer to come last by choosing a girl-woman who is treating you like crap? What power do they have? Or is it the challange of getting the 'ice queen' to become your warm princess? Is it really so twisted?

 

I think even if it works its just for immature men... Then again ive never seen a mature one. They all fell for the trick, one of thrm actually asked me to be cold with him!!! How sick is that? Is it just me or life's dirty?

[Taramere]

I've been reading about this matter a lot - I am trying to understand why guys-men prefer th girls-women who treats them like dirt. There is actually books written for women! The trick in 'treat them mean, keep them keen'!? I can't believe the control some of this cold women who really treat very nice men like dirt. Then after a while being abused, they (men) gets hurt and become emotionally unavailable? Or have trouble trusting again. The nice guys comes last because of the choice in the type of women he goes for. These books have so many tricks and it makes the whole thing a game? So? I would like to know why do you nice guys prefer to come last by choosing a girl-woman who is treating you like crap? What power do they have? Or is it the challange of getting the 'ice queen' to become your warm princess? Is it really so twisted?

 

I think there's a lot in that. My perception of a lot of men who are self-described "nice guys" is that they are followers, by nature, who are therefore looking for a partner who will take the lead. Most very assertive and dominant women I know married very docile men. Perhaps they (the men) had very dominant mothers.

 

Nice guys can make friends with nice women, but in those situations it's often a case of everybody being a bit too nice for things to move up a gear. I remember this guy years ago who was incredibly nice. I met him through a student placement when I was in my twenties, and he was exactly the kind of guy I'd have liked to marry. He did take me out for dinner, but he never tried to kiss me and just didn't seem romantically interested.

 

Then months later I got a letter from him, in which he said something like "I think about you all the time." Great, I thought...and I wrote back a really encouraging letter which he didn't respond to. The next I heard about him was through a woman I'd worked with on that placement who involved me that my hero had received a bj from the town trollop and had gone on to study to be a minister. I'm not sure where that places him in the finishing order.

[january2011]

In my opinion, no, nice guys do not always finish last.

 

But guys (in general) who do not make their romantic intentions clear and step up to the plate will most likely find their odds of getting into a relationship severely diminished.

[todreaminblue]

I ask this after reading about all the psychology games, social games, etc.. that seem to be prominent in dating today. I'm an emotional type of guy who is very romantic, and loves just basically being his S/O's cupid.. I enjoy being there for her in anyway possible to talk about any feelings she may have.. I like to live totally selfless in a way that I would "move the Earth for her" but it seems so many women say they want a nice guy who is sweet but yet they really don't.. It seems like they want to feel some take charge, alpha guy...

 

I quite like doing things like below

- Talk about how great of a time I am having/had.

- Leave post-it notes randomly.

- Talk about how beautiful she is...

- Whole body massages/back rubs, etc.. randomly.

- Make spontaneous pies/food.

- Send random romantic text messages.

- Have random sweet sayings/quotes.

 

 

Ladies, Why do you say you want a sweet guy but go for alpha's? Do you want sweet but not no sweet tooth?

 

 

 

 

ahhh the race analogy ill have a run at this one.Athletes want to come first it is their one focus their one goal and everything they do is to achieve that outcome they eat breathe sleep win, you can see it in theri eyes when they train people have told me i have the eyes of an athlete when i am focused the navy did anyway not many positive people around to notice my focus at the moment.....i am not focused on winning in fact i want to be the last I want to be the one who crosses the finish line seeing the big picture and illl tkae the guy out who offers me to go on a walk along th ebeach not the oen who corrects my form so i take out the sweet guy and leave the alpha to the athletes....because the sweet guy can run a marathon with me not a sprint to the finish line im into endurance sports....and checking out nature along the way......nice guys finish last because they arent stopping at the finish line their finish line is in another country another beach another city and they want someone to talk with along th eway....how is that for an analogy.....sweet guys are the ultimate alphas.... endurance is better than sprinting capacity.....especially when its a years after years long race.....

[Likka]

Wow... I love the maturity of these discussions, you guys are all great! Asking you to treat him mean? ... What? Some people just needs a high five, with a chair... In the face! I know everybody has baggage, if you don't?? You didn't live! To tell the truth.. I was a married, we were fairytale friends, love at first sight... Got married blah blah, he was a nice guy. Until I got very sick. He asked for a divorce.'Because he is too young to take care of someone sick, he is suppose to enjoy his youth'. He even begged me to get a Boyfriend so that it is easier to leave! (Say whaaaat??) In a nutshell- he had an affair with a woman(6years older) for a year before we got divorced. She is very high maintanance and cold and he adores her. I am no angel, but I did more than was expected and loved him enough to give him the divorce. After that I got a big neon sign above my head ' Jerks, pshycos and *******s only'!! Nice guys? Haven't seen it in a long time! So do they come last by choice? Sadly it appears that way. I am starting to also believe that God didn't take Adams' rib to make Eve... He took the backbone!! Why can't they be nice and still be a man! The book- 'become a guy magnet' - tricky! Tricksy! Written by a guy who is a self proclaimed JERK... Read it! Try 2 tricks- it works! I just don't like games? But if I need flash cards to understand men better? I just still don't get the - 'treat them mean, keep them keen..' WHY MEN? And it isn't just the nice guys!

[Likka]

I think there's a lot in that. My perception of a lot of men who are self-described "nice guys" is that they are followers, by nature, who are therefore looking for a partner who will take the lead. Most very assertive and dominant women I know married very docile men. Perhaps they (the men) had very dominant mothers.

 

Nice guys can make friends with nice women, but in those situations it's often a case of everybody being a bit too nice for things to move up a gear. I remember this guy years ago who was incredibly nice. I met him through a student placement when I was in my twenties, and he was exactly the kind of guy I'd have liked to marry. He did take me out for dinner, but he never tried to kiss me and just didn't seem romantically interested.

 

Then months later I got a letter from him, in which he said something like "I think about you all the time." Great, I thought...and I wrote back a really encouraging letter which he didn't respond to. The next I heard about him was through a woman I'd worked with on that placement who involved me that my hero had received a bj from the town trollop and had gone on to study to be a minister. I'm not sure where that places him in the finishing order.

What a little ****! Sorry that it happened to you! Maybe he became he joined the ministry to pray for a cure for herpes (no cure)karma is a joy! I just don't get why they send those 'thinking of you' and other false hope messages!! It happens to me regulary! My ex- bf- who cheated on me with also a young little troll- cheated, abused his credi cards, and left him many times- now every time this happens I get a 'I miss you', 'wondering what you doing' ect- it has been going on since Jan 2011!!! I fell for it once or twice and now I'm just ignoring it! I think we should be glad that we have open eyes! Thanx for sharing! Namaste!

[KungFuJoe]

I'm a nice guy. I've been called "innocent looking" by women I've been with. Then they proceed to try and make me "bad"...and I always let them.

[CaliGuy]

Yes they do finish last. Nice guy = door mat. Don't be a "nice guy" be a GOOD GUY. Confident, assured, etc but not a pushover or arse.

 

I had many threads about it but if you are worried about it read "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

[Taramere]

What a little ****! Sorry that it happened to you! Maybe he became he joined the ministry to pray for a cure for herpes

 

Haha. Let's hope he didn't get herpes, because he was a genuinely sweet guy and we weren't in any kind of relationship, so he could do what he wanted. I don't know what the unfollowed up letter was about, but it seemed like one of those things that wasn't really worth analysing. I think he was just a) hopeless, and b)...hopeless.

 

 

(no cure)karma is a joy! I just don't get why they send those 'thinking of you' and other false hope messages!! It happens to me regulary! My ex- bf- who cheated on me with also a young little troll- cheated, abused his credi cards, and left him many times- now every time this happens I get a 'I miss you', 'wondering what you doing' ect- it has been going on since Jan 2011!!! I fell for it once or twice and now I'm just ignoring it! I think we should be glad that we have open eyes! Thanx for sharing! Namaste!

 

Now he did deserve his karma!

[without]

Wow... I love the maturity of these discussions, you guys are all great! Asking you to treat him mean? ... What? Some people just needs a high five, with a chair... In the face! I know everybody has baggage, if you don't?? You didn't live! To tell the truth.. I was a married, we were fairytale friends, love at first sight... Got married blah blah, he was a nice guy. Until I got very sick. He asked for a divorce.'Because he is too young to take care of someone sick, he is suppose to enjoy his youth'. He even begged me to get a Boyfriend so that it is easier to leave! (Say whaaaat??) In a nutshell- he had an affair with a woman(6years older) for a year before we got divorced. She is very high maintanance and cold and he adores her. I am no angel, but I did more than was expected and loved him enough to give him the divorce. After that I got a big neon sign above my head ' Jerks, pshycos and *******s only'!! Nice guys? Haven't seen it in a long time! So do they come last by choice? Sadly it appears that way. I am starting to also believe that God didn't take Adams' rib to make Eve... He took the backbone!! Why can't they be nice and still be a man! The book- 'become a guy magnet' - tricky! Tricksy! Written by a guy who is a self proclaimed JERK... Read it! Try 2 tricks- it works! I just don't like games? But if I need flash cards to understand men better? I just still don't get the - 'treat them mean, keep them keen..' WHY MEN? And it isn't just the nice guys!

 

 

My god... Thats the thing im most afraid of, leaving me because im sweet or kind... Wanting somebody cold to them :( :(

[Emilia]

I remember this guy years ago who was incredibly nice. I met him through a student placement when I was in my twenties, and he was exactly the kind of guy I'd have liked to marry. He did take me out for dinner, but he never tried to kiss me and just didn't seem romantically interested.

 

Then months later I got a letter from him, in which he said something like "I think about you all the time." Great, I thought...and I wrote back a really encouraging letter which he didn't respond to. The next I heard about him was through a woman I'd worked with on that placement who involved me that my hero had received a bj from the town trollop and had gone on to study to be a minister. I'm not sure where that places him in the finishing order.

 

F***d up isn't it. I don't have stories this extreme but certainly relate to frustration with nice guys. There is such a thing as too passive. That just makes me feel resentful and move on

[Taramere]

F***d up isn't it. I don't have stories this extreme but certainly relate to frustration with nice guys. There is such a thing as too passive. That just makes me feel resentful and move on

 

Yeah...I tend to think that if a man's that passive then the sex isn't going to be good. If that one ever did get married, then he'd absolutely be one of those guys who spends his married life buried away in some den playing with trains. There was another guy on that placement who was raring to go, and with hindsight I wish I'd elected to just have a good time with him instead of trying to persevere with Mr Nice.

 

With all due respect to the OP, I don't think many women fantasise about a sweet guy standing in the kitchen offering to bake cakes and deliver massages. Don't get me wrong. It's great to be nurtured if you're not well, and I think every person needs to be capable of delivering a bit of tlc when a partner's feeling below par. In the normal course of events, though, lots of cute post-it notes, massages and cake-baking would make me feel like a sickly child whose mum is taking care of her.