PoppyLove89 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Why do exes play games? We've all been guilty of this post-relationship crime that occurs when you bump into them unexpectedly...but why do we do it? - Trying to get a rise. - Obviously 'ignoring' them but glancing over to see if they notice. - Trying to make them jealous. - Trying to convince them we're happy by laughing loudly whilst in ear-shot. - Hoping word gets back to them that we're 'happily' shacked up with someone else even though deep down our heart still screams another's name. Are we simply trying to be the ex that's in control? Desperately trying to convince them (and ourselves) that we've moved on? Are we secretly searching for any sign, no matter how small, that they still harbor feelings for us? Or do we just want to pull the chain to see if they still come running when called? Just something I've been thinking about. Please share your thoughts/opinions/notions on this subject
kindest Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I didn't want to play games, but I won't deny that I did. The main reason I did it was because I wanted to come out strong, that I can handle his rejection, that I'm awesome and hoping that he will see that. But I soon realized (well it took a few months) that it wasn't worth $h1t, and whether I was successful or not all I ever did was just hurt myself more in the process. I wasn't being honest with myself. I've decided that going back to NC is my only salvation, so I told him to stop contacting me. No games, just healing and moving on. Day 17 today. I can do this.
quankanne Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 games are a sign of immaturity, IMO. Why else would you want to "test" someone to see what their reaction is?
Crila16 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Sometimes people play games because they want or desire something and will manipulate to get it ...example: Sex Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, so they have a wall up. Sometimes they're just plain old unsure about how they feel about the other person and they blow hot and cold. Sometimes they're just immature and don't know any better.
youngnlove89 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 My ex bf (who said I'm not the one, that something is missing and has handed me plenty of clear signs that he is just NOT THAT INTO ME) still plays games with me. The MINUTE he thinks I'm moving on, he tries to pull me back in. But nothing has changed. He will tell me what I want to hear but doesn't actually mean it. He will cuddle, kiss, hold me, tell me he misses me, talk about marriage and kids, will complete mind f*ck me and then walk away. It's like an ego stroke for him. He is intentionally hurting me. Then he will say he doesn't want to hurt me, doesn't want to f*ck with my feelings, but will do just that! But you know what? I let him. But not anymore. I am not going to let him use me anymore. It's kind of like when a dog urinates on something to mark his territory, it is THEIR territory, no one elses. Even though he doesn't want it anymore, no one else can have it. That's like my ex. He doesn't want to see me move on because he is God's gift to this world, or so he thinks! I'm done with mind games!
Author PoppyLove89 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 You're a mug if you play games? Or what do you mean, weallfalldown? I think everyone has played games at some point in their lives when it comes to failed relationships and I can guarantee you everyone had their own, very different reasons. When it comes to my ex, I think its a mix between: 1) wanting to have the upper hand 2) keeping an eye on me to see who I'm with and 3) wanting to hammer home the point that he's 'moved on'. But here's the point: I know my ex and I also know that if he genuinely didn't want to see me, he'd do a U-turn and leave the bar as soon as he laid eyes on me - that's just how is! This is where youngnlove89's analogy of the dog peeing on something and rendering that object its territory is valid; I was his, he's out doing his own thing but wants me on the back-burner 'just in case', doesn't want to see another guy so much as touch me but I'll be damned if I'm sticking around, waiting to find out
shortee143 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 My ex is good with games. He tells me he doesnt want me bc he can have me. That is not exactly logic. He is the kinda guy who is in love with the honeymood period, so once he knows he "has" the girl, he loses interest. Uhh I am sorry I love you and I was honest about that. I understand people (guys moreso maybe??) like the chase, but when you've already had a relationship, and you know how the other aka dumpee feels.....leave the games aside! Not sure why people play them..immature, bc its fun, ego boast, etc..I'd say all of the above.
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