without Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Sorry abit too long. Why people won't let go of their old loves? My ex dumped me and I was frustrated and didn't know what went wrong, and after 8 months of NC told me he was still in love with a girl from a past relationship. like about 2 years ago, we were together for 1 year. He said she was only beautiful and they had nothing in common. And he still loves her he doesn't know why. Now I had a friend which I loved very much. We had too much in common and we clicked right away. We liked the same games, movies..etc I loved his taste , had the same taste in many things, it was really awesome. He does have depression though. Anyway he turned down my offer that I asked him out but nevertheless met me on occasions and we talked very much. He said he doesn't want any relationship with anyone and if he wanted it was with me. He wouldnt even let me say I miss you. Although at like first 2weeks he wouldn't mind and would tell me back. He was not that sociable and after awhile he flirted with some girls on FB that they obviously just wanted sex, he said just because he can't have a R right now doesn't mean he doesn't want sex. If he wanted someone it would be me. Anyway we had a fight I was upset. And he acted like this whole thing is my fault for not understanding him. He did talked badly at times with me. And he said dont talk about any emotion with me. He would get upset easily and I always tried not to but I loved him and wanted to be close to him. Long story short I saw that he wrote a piece a poem on his FB. And about 6 months after out friendship he made a fake girl account on some site with his family name, it was obvious thats him. Like it was his crush. I thought although he pretends he has no emotion, he likes someone. Anyway from the start I asked him if he's in love with anyone he said no. A couple of days ago I found out he was a member of a Q and A site. There about 2 years ago he had written he still loves a girl from 3 years ago who didn't talk to him after she heard him made a bad comment about her dress. They even weren't in a R. So I asked him first if he would be upset if I know he was the member of some site he said no, then I asked him about his comment and then he called me scarryy stalker and blocked any way I could talk to him. I spent the last year doing everything I could to him, I even searched about depression cuz I thought thats why he turns me down. I tried to be nice and accept the reality of his which may be different than mine. I even accepted that he needs sex. I thought he might suffer from some disease and i'm pushing him... He wouldn't have sex with me, If you think he just wanted sex. He said its not in my character to just have sex with no emotion. In that site he also wrote about me that i'm very pretty so I don't think he hated my look. Is there even possible to find someone who doesn't love an ex?... Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Needless to say it made cry that he hates me now. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 You can't make anyone 'let go' of anything, if that's the way they are.... But I suggest you focus on you - and 'let go' of him. Closure questions can only be answered by you. Take a deep breath, cut off all and every and any avenue of possible contact between you two - and let go, let be, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 You can't make anyone 'let go' of anything, if that's the way they are.... But I suggest you focus on you - and 'let go' of him. Closure questions can only be answered by you. Take a deep breath, cut off all and every and any avenue of possible contact between you two - and let go, let be, and move on. I guess its just my bad luck that every guy I see, carries their love with them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 It was odd that I found the site and the answer. But I swear I didn't know he would be that upset. Well he loves someone else anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I guess its just my bad luck that every guy I see, carries their love with them... Sweetheart, trust me - loads of women do as well, it's not a gender thing. 'Stuck in the past' knows no bounds.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Sweetheart, trust me - loads of women do as well, it's not a gender thing. 'Stuck in the past' knows no bounds.... I guess. I miss him so much. I thought he likes me... It sucks.. I just feel like crying. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Go ahead. Have a good cry. Grab a cushion, and scream into it, every single profanity you can think of.... get it out of your system. Whenever you need to. Because nobody deserves to hold on to the pain and sadness our unrequited affection for others, generates... Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Go ahead. Have a good cry. Grab a cushion, and scream into it, every single profanity you can think of.... get it out of your system. Whenever you need to. Because nobody deserves to hold on to the pain and sadness our unrequited affection for others, generates... I cried many times during our friendship. Now.. I'm just deeply sad. I can't cry. I just keep asking myself what went wrong. Why didn't he like me. And I find no answer. He knew I liked him. He didn't react that bad. Its the first time he has blocked me from everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 The thought that he has erased me like im some kind of dangerous person or scary as he said in his last text and that he loved someone else this whole time and felt nothing for me drives me crazy. I never really thought he didn't like me. Link to post Share on other sites
Jingle14 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I guess its just my bad luck that every guy I see, carries their love with them... Try meeting mine, he's forgotten I exist and am quite positive he's extinguished any memories of me and the loving words he used to tell me. It feels like it's only me who has an ex who chooses to pretend their love never existed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Try meeting mine, he's forgotten I exist and am quite positive he's extinguished any memories of me and the loving words he used to tell me. It feels like it's only me who has an ex who chooses to pretend their love never existed. I'm really sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
Jingle14 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I'm really sorry... Thanks. Guess it's just the luck of the draw that the one time I allow someone into my heart - and I'm in my 40's - it's someone who turned out like that. Sending luck to you for happiness in the future with someone who deserves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks. Guess it's just the luck of the draw that the one time I allow someone into my heart - and I'm in my 40's - it's someone who turned out like that. Sending luck to you for happiness in the future with someone who deserves you. Thanks, Same for you. I'm still in guilt and shame of what i did, that i crossed the line and privacy. He will never forgive me. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott68 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]All I can tell you is there is always an ex. My earlier post describes this great relationship I am in with a wonderful woman. Since then we have begun living together and she has called me by her ex husbands name twice in one night, referred to him as “my st**e,” told me everything about him, and cannot understand why it upsets me that she keeps her married name (3 years after their divorce). [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Sadly I do not recover from things like this quickly or well so I am pretty much just going through the motions now. I don't see a future with her because of this. She has even bragged about how tall he is. He is tall? WTF? That’s what she is proud of. I have two Masters Degrees, a Ph.D., a Bronze Star, 6 years in the Marine Corps, and run a successful business-but he is a tall unemployed no child support paying drunk-did I mention he is tall? [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My point is it ALWAYS seems the ex has a place in their heart, unless you are my ex.[/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]All I can tell you is there is always an ex. My earlier post describes this great relationship I am in with a wonderful woman. Since then we have begun living together and she has called me by her ex husbands name twice in one night, referred to him as “my st**e,” told me everything about him, and cannot understand why it upsets me that she keeps her married name (3 years after their divorce). [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Sadly I do not recover from things like this quickly or well so I am pretty much just going through the motions now. I don't see a future with her because of this. She has even bragged about how tall he is. He is tall? WTF? That’s what she is proud of. I have two Masters Degrees, a Ph.D., a Bronze Star, 6 years in the Marine Corps, and run a successful business-but he is a tall unemployed no child support paying drunk-did I mention he is tall? [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My point is it ALWAYS seems the ex has a place in their heart, unless you are my ex.[/sIZE][/FONT] That sucks. Its unfair to others and to themselves when people cling to their past. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Thanks, Same for you. I'm still in guilt and shame of what i did, that i crossed the line and privacy. He will never forgive me. .... Now who's hanging on to the past....? See, you're just as "guilty" which is why I pointed out that it's a genderless tendency. And it's no different to him hanging on to HIS past.... You need to stop beating yourself up, and let this go. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott68 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 What sucks is that she suckered me in and claimed she was done with him. Now our families live together our kids are close and I will always have 2nd place in her heart & mind. She even got pissed at me because I wouldn't put my church offering in the envelope she has with her husbands name on it. Seriously she wanted me to put my money in an envelope with his last name on it. I am trapped!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 .... Now who's hanging on to the past....? See, you're just as "guilty" which is why I pointed out that it's a genderless tendency. And it's no different to him hanging on to HIS past.... You need to stop beating yourself up, and let this go. Come on... That's just not fair...I just ended with this guy.. I don't have any feeling for my ex from 1/5 years ago. His is from 5 years ago! And we had literally talked everyday with eachother for a whole year. I know for sure he hadn't even talked to the girl much. They were just classmates. Anyway I feel pain as how things have turn out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 What sucks is that she suckered me in and claimed she was done with him. Now our families live together our kids are close and I will always have 2nd place in her heart & mind. She even got pissed at me because I wouldn't put my church offering in the envelope she has with her husbands name on it. Seriously she wanted me to put my money in an envelope with his last name on it. I am trapped!!!!!!!!!! I'm really sorry to hear that. You must suffer so much pain. I hate this god damn not letting go thing. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Come on... That's just not fair...I just ended with this guy.. I don't have any feeling for my ex from 1/5 years ago. His is from 5 years ago! And we had literally talked everyday with eachother for a whole year. I know for sure he hadn't even talked to the girl much. They were just classmates. Anyway I feel pain as how things have turn out. I understand that, but it's about letting go of what brings you down, letting go of what can't be changed, letting go of what beats you up unnecessarily, letting go of the razor wire chopping your heart to pieces. You have to come to an agreement with your heart - to Let. It. Go. It does nobody any good, is of no benefit to you, and cripples your progress and freedom. The major thing to get over - and it's probably the hardest thing in the world to do, so I do get this - is to fully understand and accept - that nobody is doing this to you - but you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 I understand that, but it's about letting go of what brings you down, letting go of what can't be changed, letting go of what beats you up unnecessarily, letting go of the razor wire chopping your heart to pieces. You have to come to an agreement with your heart - to Let. It. Go. It does nobody any good, is of no benefit to you, and cripples your progress and freedom. The major thing to get over - and it's probably the hardest thing in the world to do, so I do get this - is to fully understand and accept - that nobody is doing this to you - but you. Of course I know, I have gotten over people before.Like for example my ex, Its not harder what I've been through with my ex in which we had a real relationship and it just tore me apart. But I got over it because I knew it will only do harm to not get over it. But it's just been a couple of days and i'm still analyzing what have I done wrong and what happened and grieving.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author without Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 And I would like people to help me see if I had done a terrible thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The thought that he has erased me like im some kind of dangerous person or scary as he said in his last text and that he loved someone else this whole time and felt nothing for me drives me crazy. I never really thought he didn't like me. I know how you feel.. I feel that right now. How did my ex gf just replace me with another guy around our 3rd anniversary. How did she just move on so fast with a new guy in like 3 weeks of her going out of town. She never once said sorry or appologized, just was cold and straight to the point. It's too bad when I figured out her needs, some other guy figured it out before me and got her during the most vulnerable time. But I guess it's her choice for letting the guy into her life and throwing me and 3 yrs away. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott68 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I'm really sorry to hear that. You must suffer so much pain. I hate this god damn not letting go thing. Yes it hurts a lot, it hurts to stay and it will hurt to leave. Either way it just hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts