Billy BB Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 ugh. so i posted her many times before about my ex and break up. i started texting her tonight, after meeting up with an old friend in her neighborhood and having a few drinks, and going to a few bars alone. she basically told me that i changed too much. i started exercising, i quit smoking, im trying to be social, im trying to go out more, im trying new foods. im looking for a new job with shorter hours. all of this she tried to get me to do in the 5 years we were together, but i wouldn't budge. but now that im alone i WANT to change these things for MYSELF, and for her... she told me that i was delusional and she doesnt even know who i am anymore, and that it's awesome, but insane im changing these things, even though i wouldnt change when we were together. she bragged about me to her friends/family, about how much better im doing...and they laughed. but then she got to the point where, she didn't think i understood her side of it, and she basically said 'i don't think we can be friends, i don't think i can even talk to you anymore' told me if i needed to talk about something i forgot when i moved out, or a new # i could email, otherwise don't contact her...and we said our goodbyes and hung up. wtf?? i thought her seeing me changing/getting healthy was supposed to help not drive her away?? what did i do?? what DO i do?? will she ever talk to me again?
InAFog Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I totally love what you're doing - especially if your doing it for YOURSELF. But, perhaps, from her point of veiw it's that you're changing after the fact. Lord knows alot of people are worried about their exes becoming better people after them and changing themselves and then having better relationships. Which of course is a good thing. But it makes them think what was wrong with them? why didn't they do that for me? Maybe.
happynot Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Maybe the problem isnt you. She just used you as the cover for whatever maybe wrong...with her. Since your doing the things she asked, and she is getting what she asked of you and she isnt satisfied, it more then likely was never you to start with. But good for you for bettering yourself. opens more doors to more ppl you may cross paths with and meet, who knows where that may take you. New chapter..go explore.
Reegs Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I think that what happened to you is horrible, and I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. Furthermore having someone in your life for 5 years, to having an empty space is not easy. I think you are doing the right thing by venting on these boards. Keep on! What your doing....by quitting cigarettes, going out more, eating new foods etc....is in some ways for you...but I believe its mostly for her. You want to show her that you can listen to her...and show her your doing things to better your life. Your proud of these accomplishments, and I believe that you also want her to proud of them. She wont be though...not until she sees you in a different light. More than likely...that's going to be some time...and not an amount of time any healthy individual would wait for. She is not looking at you as a boyfriend anymore. She is looking at you as an ex. You see....she wanted you to change those things while you were together. By you telling her that you have now changed, after you have broken up, is probably making her a bit resentful towards you for it. Pretty much saying to herself, "i had to leave this person for him to realize that he needed to change." That's not making her feel good....and has taken away from the attraction she had for you at one point. Three breakups back...I did this. Once we were broken up, I changed everything she asked me to...to show and prove to her I was capable of it. same things as you...cigarettes...started to run...hitting the gym...drinking less. I told her all of this...and she said that although all that stuff was great....that was the stuff she wanted me to change years prior, that I never did. It made her feel bad that we needed to end our relationship for me to realize these things. Sucked to hear. I am glad your doing these things...cause although you probably started to show her....now that your doing it for you...it might stick!! Leave her a lone for a while. If you want her to know that you are doing these things...let her hear it through other people. She doesnt need to hear it from you.
flitzanu Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 "too little, too late" as they say. thing is, those excuses she gave were just nonsensical reasons when someone doesn't want to simply say "i'm not into you anymore". no amount of changing on your part is ever going to mean anything to her, because those reasons weren't her reasons for leaving. 2
g450 Posted August 29, 2012 Posted August 29, 2012 I agree with happynot. It may be too little too late but when a person is done with you they are just done. Most often it really is them for the most part. They initiated the destruction of the relationship after all. In my case and in many others here, the WAS doesnt even try to save the marriage not matter how hard you try to explain the logic of it too them.
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