guys what is feminine?

[Titanwolf]

The gender war continues. Oh how I'm curious to see our society in 20 years, as I suspect a stark decline in marriage and relationships. I'm glad I got a good woman early.

[LelouchIsZero]

I'm a feminist, for sure. I don't plan to change my last name to any man's last name. I'm not even sure I want to get married. I just joined a feminist group and am supposed to attend the first meeting on 9/9.

 

Just out of curiosity, why're you a feminist?

[yongyong]

First of all, you have to look feminine. beautiful face, nice long hair, curved waist, nice hip, perky boobs.

Second of all, the way you carry yourself. no swearing (this girl used 'crap' word on first date. it turned me off), walk like a lady, sit like a lady, eat like a lady.

 

And Last, do not try to compete with men for stupid things.

how many of you have read this kind of stupid profile? 'I am a independent woman. I can change tires blah blah I can take care of myself!!'

Don't feel bad asking for something that is hard for you.

There is male/female roles that can't be reversed forever.

Edited August 27, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Civility and respect

[Radu]

I can't give a definition of this ... i doubt one even exists, but i do have some examples of what it means to me :

- gentleness [kindness]

- empathy

- sensitivity

They are all essential for femininity to me.

There is a long history and societal accepted wisdom that women are caregivers, they try to figure out emotions in others and are sensitive to the needs of others.

In my society, most teachers are women, most judges are women [i recall a big personality in law here who as a woman said that women should be judges and men should be lawyers], most nurses are women.

It's even in women's very biological makeup, the part of the brain that deals with figuring out social interactions is twice as well developed in women, they can read body language better than men generally can.

These are all qualities that affect her spirit.

I'll give an example.

A few days ago i was at a wedding and i had an amazing discussion with a 50yr old woman [her husband was nearby and she was a relative].

She did Social Assistance College [5yrs] many many yrs ago which focused exclusively on helping ppl. She did a master in psychological support to compliment the focus on physiological support. She was a nurse, a very high up nurse in the hospital and helped mostly elderly and terminally ill patients.

She was not dressed to kill, a very nice somewhat traditional dress that i saw her aunt wear 1yr ago.

She didn't dress very feminine, but there was compassion, kindness, sensitivity pouring out of her.

Having met her aunt who raised her, i knew she took after her.

That was a feminine woman to me.

- a woman that cares about how she is viewed in the world.

A party girl who drinks and says 'let's ****', is not a feminine woman to me, no matter how much skin she reveals, no matter how much red she has on her.

- a woman that does not feel the need to compete with men in debauchery or in shock stuff.

I don't do shock stuff as a man, i don't need a woman that does this.

Flashing tits, puking half-consumed alcohol.

A woman binging on beer is not a feminine woman.

- a woman that is submissive.

This doesn't mean that she's a rug, or that she pushes stuff under the rug in lieu of discussing them.

For me it means a woman that will let the guy lead ... and on the reverse the guy [me] also asks for her input.

It's a very fine line to thread, but when it works it's amazing.

And it doesn't hurt communication.

- a woman that understands that she becomes his, and understands she is part of a new family, who does not let her parents interfere with their relationship.

This might not seem like it is relevant, but it is if you look at the old view of 'giving the girl away' and 'dowry'.

It's about loyalty, and many ppl [men too but femininity is the subject of this thread] don't understand where it should lie.

- cleanness.

I don't find a 'dirty' woman feminine.

I like her to get dirty from time to time, in opposition to the norm, but for me a feminine woman is a clean woman.

- long hair, but short hair on a woman looks good too.

Just no male haircuts.

Hell, i've even seen bald women who were feminine.

Basically a haircut that is not similar to one predominantly used by males.

- there are physical attributes that for me makes a woman more feminine than another, but these are local to each individual and vary with societies too.

For me the ideal is ... small breasts, shoulder length hair, visible waist, hourglass shape.

- clothes must be generally feminine.

Dresses, i don't find pantsuits feminine.

Jeans, t-shirts, sneakers are great to vary the wardrobe but i like to see most of the wardrobe feminine.

- due to my overweight past, i just can't find fat women attractive.

But fat doesn't mean 5 pounds over ideal weight ... it's more like 'in shape'.

 

 

On this forum you can't perceive who is what and how they are in RL.

But there are several users who identify as female who are feminine.

Just off the top of my head, TM, Tarame**, FL, DOT, CE ... i probably forgot a few.

What i saw as feminine in them, is their desire to help, empathise, think in terms of what's best for the OP ... etc.

 

It's hard to say what's feminine or not, but if you truly want to find out ... join a forum for transexual ppl, M2F.

They made a decision to learn this behaviour, it was a conscious decision to change their behaviour from male to female.

They probably know what feminine is better than us guys, or you gals.

[RedRobin]

to me, feminine as desired by so many LS men is more about women being weak, pliable, naive, and easy to manipulate so that men can be lazy.

 

Of course they desire it.

 

Being expected to be emotionally available and all the characteristics above are exhausting and draining, TBH. Which is why so many men prefer women do it... not them. Negotiate? Nah. Consider someone else's needs over their own? Why should I? I'm the MAN!

 

Men are allowed to be rude, obnoxious, bullying, antagonistic... and that is called being a 'man'... and women are supposed to weather their 'attacks' with grace and a smile.

 

No sh*t that is attractive. Who doesn't want permission to be a complete a-hole and have someone else take it?

 

but in reality... the best men I've met also have high social intelligence and are very empathetic. One could argue it doesn't come naturally, but I disagree. It is only our culture that discourages men from being caring and empathetic.

Edited August 27, 2012 by RedRobin

[Greznog]

It is only our culture that discourages men from being caring and empathetic.

 

Agreed, if only women under 45 gave these kinds of men the time of day.

[sally4sara]

First of all, you have to look feminine. beautiful face, nice long hair, curved waist, nice hip, perky boobs.

Second of all, the way you carry yourself. no swearing (this girl used 'crap' word on first date. it turned me off), walk like a lady, sit like a lady, eat like a lady.

 

And Last, do not try to compete with men for stupid things.

how many of you have read this kind of stupid profile? 'I am a independent woman. I can change tires blah blah I can take care of myself!!'

Don't feel bad asking for something that is hard for you.

There is male/female roles that can't be reversed forever.

 

Sit, stay, speak, roll over....Ladies eat with their mouth; what do you eat with? If you don't like swear words and don't use them then I don't see a problem with not enjoying the company you keep if they swear. Something tells me that you don't feel assured of your masculinity and feel intimidated by even the slightest hint of similarity between you and a woman. Though it wouldn't surprise me if you shy away from the company of men who are comfortable in their skin and don't feel challenged so easily.

 

If gender roles have any actual basis, then they COULDN'T be changed. So the only ones that matter are the ones that are intrinsic. Per biology, the only roles that can't be reversed is which gender can bring life into this world and which can't. What you're asking for is that a rigged game where women give up their autonomy and a man keeps it. Why do you need that? Can't feel like a whole person capable of handling life if your partner can too?

 

What is stupid is subjective. You may compete for something important to you while someone else thinks its absolutely pointless. Their opinion counts just as much as your opinion does but neither ever makes something stupid.

 

You're also basically saying that femininity lives in the body shape yet you also expect to limit behaviors. You know who else wanted to tweak body shape and control behaviors? Slave owners.

 

Femininity is the ability to choose to be vulnerable to another person physically after your trust has been earned. Its a secret, kept inside and shown as favor to those you appreciate. Be warm and honest, you can see my feminine side. Be dishonest and rude, you get my masculine side.

[Radu]

To the last 2 female posters that posted.

 

To me you are not feminine.

 

You can be feminine and be a feminist, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Being feminine is not the chain of the patriarchic devil.

Being feminine does not mean to be a welcome mat.

The best examples of feminine women that come to mind right now, are women who were smart, opinionated, deffinitely not pushovers, and who literally left me in awe with their knowledge of the world.

 

It's a very fine line to thread [just like being masculine].

Male-2-female transexuals get it, ask them for advice.

[kaylan]

Agreed, if only women under 45 gave these kinds of men the time of day.

Plenty do.

to me, feminine as desired by so many LS men is more about women being weak, pliable, naive, and easy to manipulate so that men can be lazy.

 

Of course they desire it.

 

Being expected to be emotionally available and all the characteristics above are exhausting and draining, TBH. Which is why so many men prefer women do it... not them. Negotiate? Nah. Consider someone else's needs over their own? Why should I? I'm the MAN!

 

Men are allowed to be rude, obnoxious, bullying, antagonistic... and that is called being a 'man'... and women are supposed to weather their 'attacks' with grace and a smile.

 

No sh*t that is attractive. Who doesn't want permission to be a complete a-hole and have someone else take it?

 

but in reality... the best men I've met also have high social intelligence and are very empathetic. One could argue it doesn't come naturally, but I disagree. It is only our culture that discourages men from being caring and empathetic.

Agree with this whole post. Im already waiting for this thread to turn into a crap show. For now Ill just repeat what I said earlier. Masculinity and femininity are subjective and different depending on culture.

Edited August 27, 2012 by kaylan

[ThaWholigan]

I like to think of femininity as a certain type of energy within a person, much the same as masculinity. A more submissive, empathetic, nurturing and receptive energy that resonates more easily in women (obviously), and also resides in every person. Some men are more feminine than others (without being gay), and some women are more masculine in nature, but everyone has an innate feminine energy within them that balances out the masculine energy within them. You need both as a person, man or woman.

 

It's kinda long to explain at the moment, but yes, the way it manifests itself in everyone is subjective to the individual as well as culture, like Kaylan pointed out.

[Els]

I like to think of femininity as a certain type of energy within a person, much the same as masculinity. A more submissive, empathetic, nurturing and receptive energy that resonates more easily in women (obviously), and also resides in every person. Some men are more feminine than others (without being gay), and some women are more masculine in nature, but everyone has an innate feminine energy within them that balances out the masculine energy within them. You need both as a person, man or woman.

 

It's kinda long to explain at the moment, but yes, the way it manifests itself in everyone is subjective to the individual as well as culture, like Kaylan pointed out.

 

Completely agreed. This sounds pretty close to the yin-yang philosophy, actually. Wish zengirl were here to chime in.

[Titanwolf]

To be feminine, is to behave in ways considered "typical" for women. What is considered typical feminine behaviour, is determined by society (nurture) and to a slightly lesser extent, biology (nature). That is the objective definition of femininity, open to vast interpretation. Femininity cannot be defined by 1 person objectively, because there are too many factors to account for in each individual's perspective. With that said, I leave this "debate".

[Radu]

Pierre, i have to dissagree with this.

I believe it is aquired in the sense that you can change your state of mind in that direction, if you truly want it.

Your body will follow and then you will start changing other things to get there.

 

The problem is ... where to get the template ?

 

In Sex and the City the one woman i found to be truly feminine was Charlotte York.

Samantha knew how to be feminine to attract men too.

[Radu]

I never thought of it as a MEME.

 

I just drew a parallel with my attempts at changing certain things about me, and how it was easier for me to do this when i managed to changed my inner state, and let the rest follow.

 

You are right, if you are the antithesis of femininity it will be that much harder for you to change to being feminine than if you already have a few of those traits.

[Jane2011]

You don't understand men at all.

 

lol. Okay. It's not as if I ever claimed to. Nor do I desire to. I don't need to understand all men. I just need guys that want to date me, and I get enough of that.

[Jane2011]

The girl in your example did make a choice, alright. She chose not to be a feminist.

 

 

Considering the source (an admitted "hardcore" feminist), it's hard to take your claims seriously. If a neo-nazi told you that fascism unfairly gets a bad rep, would you take him at his word? What about Kim Jong-il saying that North Korea is a working man's paradise? Are we supposed to accept that without questioning his motives?

 

That girl is a feminist. Plenty of women who stay at home with their kids consider themselves and are feminist.

 

About the hardcore feminist thing, you don't know what I mean by that. You'd be surprised that I'm traditional in a lot of ways. I do a lot of things that you'd probably approve of (like 95% of the cooking, cleaning for my ex-boyfriend), loving to "support" the guy I am with, sometimes at the expense of my own interests, etc. I'm still very, very feminist.

[Heart Of A Lion]

In my opinion, one of the most feminine features of women is long hair.

 

I understand that it's less (maintenance) work to have short hair, but it's such a pity for a woman to go short from my perspective as a man.

 

Almost all women seem to go short after they hit 40. In my opinion that's a pity, because short hair makes most women look more masculine, not all women, but most. And that masculinity tends to be less attractive to men.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm a feminist, for sure. I don't plan to change my last name to any man's last name. I'm not even sure I want to get married. I just joined a feminist group and am supposed to attend the first meeting on 9/9. I usually read about four or five books at once (I have to read tons because I'm a teacher, but I also read for enjoyment/my own knowledge too). Three or four books I'm currently reading are about feminism. Black Feminist Thought, The New Feminist Agenda, and Desiring Revolution (about 70s feminism and sexuality).

I think I'm becoming more and more hardcore feminist. I say the word "patriarchy" so much more than I ever did before (in disapproval, mind you).

 

Being Feminine is very much an attitude.

 

I'm not sure you can attain anything feminine while also being angry, sour, and hefting an enormous shoulder chip.

 

The world doesn't need more feminists. Honestly... I'm tired of them. For the most part they are just female chauvinists. It's time we put this stupid gender war to rest and treat everyone equally.

[Content]

to me, feminine as desired by so many LS men is more about women being weak, pliable, naive, and easy to manipulate so that men can be lazy.

 

Of course they desire it.

 

Being expected to be emotionally available and all the characteristics above are exhausting and draining, TBH. Which is why so many men prefer women do it... not them. Negotiate? Nah. Consider someone else's needs over their own? Why should I? I'm the MAN!

 

Men are allowed to be rude, obnoxious, bullying, antagonistic... and that is called being a 'man'... and women are supposed to weather their 'attacks' with grace and a smile.

 

No sh*t that is attractive. Who doesn't want permission to be a complete a-hole and have someone else take it?

 

but in reality... the best men I've met also have high social intelligence and are very empathetic. One could argue it doesn't come naturally, but I disagree. It is only our culture that discourages men from being caring and empathetic.

 

 

I agree i find it hillarious when some men here want a obedient servant who cant function in the outside world without help from her master..

 

Id rather a women want me for who iam rather then need me because shes incapable of doing things and needs me to

[irin]

Note: im not asking, so i can conform to what some men like. i ask this out out of interest, what everyone's idea of femininity is.

[Anela]

Why the fsvck is a thread about feminity derailing into feminism AGAIN?

 

I was going to ask the same thing.

 

 

Almost all women seem to go short after they hit 40. In my opinion that's a pity, because short hair makes most women look more masculine, not all women, but most. And that masculinity tends to be less attractive to men.

 

I've known women who went with short hair after a certain age, because they didn't want to be seen as mutton dressed as lamb.

 

I hardly ever wear dresses. I've worn long skirts - I last bought one in May, but have yet to wear it, because I need pretty sandals, a matching top, etc - but I hardly ever have a reason to wear such things. I've been out of the habit for years, and feel weird when I dress up. Once I feel comfortable, I don't want to take them off, because I'm enjoying feeling like a girl again, for a little while.

 

My hair is long, but it's a mess. It needs trimming and due to health issues (and tangling issues) - ugh. I used to play with my hair when I was younger, but again, I was isolated and got out of the habit, so now I just feel odd. I have trouble walking in most heels... this whole subject is another one that gets to me at times.

 

The gender war continues. Oh how I'm curious to see our society in 20 years, as I suspect a stark decline in marriage and relationships. I'm glad I got a good woman early.

 

ElsaElsa.com » The Astrology Blog » Under the Scorpio Moon: The Balance Of Power Between Men and Women

[Negative Nancy]

First of all, you have to look feminine. beautiful face, nice long hair, curved waist, nice hip, perky boobs.

 

Yes, of course.

[ThaWholigan]

In my opinion, one of the most feminine features of women is long hair.

 

I understand that it's less (maintenance) work to have short hair, but it's such a pity for a woman to go short from my perspective as a man.

 

Almost all women seem to go short after they hit 40. In my opinion that's a pity, because short hair makes most women look more masculine, not all women, but most. And that masculinity tends to be less attractive to men.

 

OMG I noticed this too!

 

And the thing about it is that it makes them look a lot older than they are aswell. I admit that I do see women with more hair as more attractive, but I don't think it is inherently more feminine - I've met quite a few short-haired girls who were amongst the most feminine looking and acting girls I had ever met. In fact, the only remotely masculine thing about them was that they had very short hair.

[Heart Of A Lion]

A woman is free to choose what kind of hair style she wants of course, but as a man I feel the attraction of a woman's femininity in my biology. It's not something I can help or change by will. Being attracted to feminine women is not a choice, it happens to you as a man.

 

Long hair can make a huge difference in regards to how feminine a woman looks. Women that still look very feminine with short hair, tend to be exceptionally beautiful, but they're a small minority in my opinion.

Edited August 27, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion

[Untouchable_Fire]

ElsaElsa.com » The Astrology Blog » Under the Scorpio Moon: The Balance Of Power Between Men and Women

 

That woman is Batsh** Crazy.

 

She believes that women in today's society are treated the same way as in Renaissance Italy???

 

In order to arrive at a correct and intelligent conclusion about something we must first confront our own bias. This lady clearly has no interest in having an intelligent opinion.

 

Do bad things happen to women today... Heck yeah. Bad things happen to men as well. The problem is that when two people form a relationship there will always be a power dynamic involved. Some people have unhealthy needs and this leads to an imbalance.