Is relationship and sex is 'something' that men 'get' from a woman /she gives

August 27, 2012

... They will lovingly call your manhood, your love muscle. When they sleep at night with you, many of them will find away to sleep with their had right there...

This makes no sense.

August 27, 2012

Regarding the topic of this thread: it's not even a question. NO. Sex and relationships are not something that women GIVE and men TAKE. Obviously the OP believes this and lookie! He has zero sex, relationship, or any other woman stuff going on in his life. And so it shall remain. I guarantee it.

What do you think came first?

A belief that sex and affection is the something that women give.

OR

Having zero sex, relationship, or any other woman stuff going on in my life

August 27, 2012

What do you think came first?

A belief that sex and affection is the something that women give.

OR

Having zero sex, relationship, or any other woman stuff going on in my life

You know what the answer will be: blame the victim. But only when it's someone like you.

August 27, 2012

There is no "victim" here. Somedude is his own worst enemy. Society didn't inflict his state on him and doesn't owe him a woman.

August 27, 2012

There is no "victim" here. Somedude is his own worst enemy. Society didn't inflict his state on him and doesn't owe him a woman.

Never said it did. But he is a victim. Sure, he has some limiting beliefs (namely about gender) but this is still a lifestyle he didn't choose.

You're one of those happy go lucky, never had a problem in the world types so you don't really understand the situation. At all.

August 27, 2012

What do you think came first?

A belief that sex and affection is the something that women give.

OR

Having zero sex, relationship, or any other woman stuff going on in my life

Fair enough. I have a question though.

Are you really so sure that you aren't part of the problem?

I mean, and I say this sincerely, what do you have to gain by continuing to subscribe to this way of thinking, and what are you willing to do to change not just your mindset, but your fortunes - without finding fault in the methods?

August 27, 2012

You know what the answer will be: blame the victim. But only when it's someone like you.

I blame him for his problems, because he has shown no signs of making strides to better himself. instead as soon as something doesn't work he gives up hunkers down and starts making threads like this. IMO he is to analytical about women and relationships. Based on all the posts he has written he wants to be told if I do this and this and this, I will get the woman I want. He refuses to believe otherwise despite what everyone else tells him, because he is sure in his own mind that he is right and that we are all wrong.

August 27, 2012

There is no "victim" here. Somedude is his own worst enemy. Society didn't inflict his state on him and doesn't owe him a woman.

Perhaps it did. I see a lonely man, surfing the internet, whose rare attempts at normal social interaction have been shot down, because he didn't play by the rules. I notice that there are more and more somedudes in our society. That means something is up.

August 27, 2012

I blame him for his problems, because he has shown no signs of making strides to better himself. instead as soon as something doesn't work he gives up hunkers down and starts making threads like this. IMO he is to analytical about women and relationships. Based on all the posts he has written he wants to be told if I do this and this and this, I will get the woman I want. He refuses to believe otherwise despite what everyone else tells him, because he is sure in his own mind that he is right and that we are all wrong.

What is wrong with giving up if something isn't working?

I've stated the obvious several times (acknowledging the elephant in the room): it's not ever going to work no matter what he does. Yet you people keep poo pooing this very real fact.

It's nobody's fault. It just is what it is.

August 27, 2012

What is wrong with giving up if something isn't working?

I agree - but only if you're willing to try something else.

I've stated the obvious several times (acknowledging the elephant in the room): it's not ever going to work no matter what he does. Yet you people keep poo pooing this very real fact.

the bold...

I pity anyone who thinks that way

August 27, 2012

What is wrong with giving up if something isn't working?

Giving up normally implies that you are going to stop trying, or are going to try something different. he is not doing either.

August 27, 2012

What he should do is act exactly like Charlie Sheen or someone like that. Women will swarm to him in that case.

Actually, that's probably reasonable advice in this case. Damaged women and generic famewhores "swarm" to somebody who acts like a complete loserly idiot like Charlie Sheen. Since the OP cares nothing about "who" a woman is, as long as she matches his list of prerequisites (all superficial), probably every last one of the Charlie Sheen swarm would suit him fine.

So go for it. Act like Charlie Sheen.

August 27, 2012

Perhaps it did. I see a lonely man, surfing the internet, whose rare attempts at normal social interaction have been shot down, because he didn't play by the rules. I notice that there are more and more somedudes in our society. That means something is up.

What rules are you referring to, out of curiosity?

It's too convenient to claim victimhood due to society. I know more than most about being ostracized due to being crap at social interaction and I have had a lot of negative experiences with women too. I have managed to circumvent that and am now coming out the other side, with a new mindset on dating. I don't even have as much success as the vast majority of my friends, but I am doing fine IMO, and it's all going pretty well for now and the future.

I go through great pains to make this kind of mindset seem attainable - because it is. I also outline certain things that helped me get there. I don't want to hear things like how lucky I am, or it's because I'm tall or any of that sh*t. I was doing just as crap as the others because I didn't know what I was doing, and because my attitude wasn't good, until I changed my outlook and learned how to be attractive.

There are a number of reasons why there are more "somedudes" these days, but I don't think it's for the reasons that they probably think it's for. There are too many variables here.

August 27, 2012

What do you think came first?

A belief that sex and affection is the something that women give.

OR

Having zero sex, relationship, or any other woman stuff going on in my life

I think that #1 came first, but it's only a tiny sliver of the massively wrong way you view humanity, women specifically, sex, relationships, friendships, your role with other human beings, the way you are perceived, etc. It's a package.

I'm sure you think I am a big meanie, but I am coming from a place where I had to realize, at one point of my life, that I was WRONG and was headed on a terrible path if I did not look at MYSELF and make the changes I needed to make WITHIN MYSELF in order to get on a different path. It wasn't all about other people, the f**ked up world, my sick family of origin, me being born in the wrong time, the pain of having a sensitive "artistic temperament " (which was a favorite of mine) or any of that. It was ME that needed to come to acknowledge, accept and live with the way things really were / are.

I maintained my integrity. In fact, probably enhanced it. I don't want to give the impression that I altered myself to "fit" society. I accepted reality and stopped looking outside of myself to place blame or to find validation.

Maybe I was lucky in that truly, if I hadn't have done that, I would have died or become a bag lady.

It might be more difficult to be a person like you, who can easily look at yourself and think that you are just fine. Mostly because you aren't fat.

You need to look deeper. And, no. Doing that kind of "work" on yourself will not "get" you a girlfriend. It would, however, make you much more than a big empty selfish hole angrily and petulantly looking for somebody who has a vagina and falls within certain weight, age, boob and hair parameters to magically fill you up.

I'm sure you will now say that this is nonsense, doesn't have anything to do with your thread, blah blah blah. And then I'll be even more poorly disposed towards you, because I am sharing personal things to try to connect. But that's LoveShack for ya!

Edited August 27, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer

August 27, 2012

Never said it did. But he is a victim. Sure, he has some limiting beliefs (namely about gender) but this is still a lifestyle he didn't choose.

You're one of those happy go lucky, never had a problem in the world types so you don't really understand the situation. At all.

I would be careful defining him as a victim. In what respect? How does society go about segregating him and his kind this way? They must have some common traits. What are they? Being short? There are short guys everwhere procreating. Being poor? There are poor guys procreating all over the place. What is it, and what must change in society for the victimization to stop? I get the impression somedude wouldn't complain about a "woman for every man policy" that has the government delivering a woman to his door. Obligated to stay and work to satisfy him sexually. Entitlement.

As far as my success with women goes, it's hit or miss. I've spent years single and celibate. I never blamed anyone for that. I've been bitterly rejected by women I really liked. I blame the girl and me, and that's all. I've made a complete embarrassing fool out of myslef over women. But then I do date and have had long-term relationships, too. Why me and not him or you?

Perhaps it did. I see a lonely man, surfing the internet, whose rare attempts at normal social interaction have been shot down, because he didn't play by the rules. I notice that there are more and more somedudes in our society. That means something is up.

You imply that you're noticing them more and more, because it's a growing problem. I think it's just as likely you're noticing them because the internet is revealing them to you. Maybe you're becoming acquainted with the scale of the problem, and it's no greater than it ever was. I have uncles and a cousin who are lifetime bachelors. And another who lived his whole life never having a real girlfriend. The story of the guy (and woman) who never married is in literature from the beginning of literature.

August 27, 2012

I would be careful defining him as a victim. In what respect? How does society go about segregating him and his kind this way? They must have some common traits. What are they? Being short? There are short guys everwhere procreating. Being poor? There are poor guys procreating all over the place. What is it, and what must change in society for the victimization to stop? I get the impression somedude wouldn't complain about a "woman for every man policy" that has the government delivering a woman to his door. Obligated to stay and work to satisfy him sexually. Entitlement.

He's a victim of his genetics. Not about the being short part, but more about having social difficulties. I think that's is really a genetic thing (nurture plays a part to be sure but it's mostly genetics).

It's nobody's fault, as I said so there's no real solution to the problem.

As far as my success with women goes, it's hit or miss. I've spent years single and celibate. I never blamed anyone for that. I've been bitterly rejected by women I really liked. I blame the girl and me, and that's all. I've made a complete embarrassing fool out of myslef over women. But then I do date and have had long-term relationships, too. Why me and not him or you?

As I said, genetics. You were blessed with better genes than others.

I guess we could call it "luck".

August 27, 2012

I would be careful defining him as a victim. In what respect?

He is only a victim of himself.

I get the impression somedude wouldn't complain about a "woman for every man policy" that has the government delivering a woman to his door. Obligated to stay and work to satisfy him sexually. Entitlement.

That's what I see.

It's hard to fine compassion when there is really no talk about personal feelings, but a lot about anger and whining at those who have the THING that the OP wants to GET, but who, for no reasons that are valid as far as he's concerned, won't give IT to him.

The THING that he, because he is a man, is rightfully entitled to.

That's what I get from every single thread, after all is said and done.

August 27, 2012

He's a victim of his genetics. Not about the being short part, but more about having social difficulties. I think that's is really a genetic thing (nurture plays a part to be sure but it's mostly genetics).

It's nobody's fault, as I said so there's no real solution to the problem.

As I said, genetics. You were blessed with better genes than others.

I guess we could call it "luck".

His genetic social difficulty. If that's the case, I would probably still be a reclusive virgin by that logic.

August 27, 2012

He's a victim of his genetics. Not about the being short part, but more about having social difficulties. I think that's is really a genetic thing (nurture plays a part to be sure but it's mostly genetics).

It's nobody's fault, as I said so there's no real solution to the problem.

.

That is so lame it's pathetic.

A personality that tends towards social difficulties certainly can be genetic, but if you are just going to sit there and stew in your own poor genetic juices, then you earn what you get out of doing that.

ThaWholigan is autistic. (And now, I'm grumpily remembering SD saying that he'd happily be autistic if he could be tall along with it). And TW has consciously worked on overcoming some parts of that so that he can relate socially and personally with others. As it turns out, he seems to be one of the best at it here on LoveShack. That is NOT because he said to himself, "I'm autistic. Blehhhh. I guess I'll just sit here in my chair and be autistic as my life's work. Genetics suck."

August 27, 2012

His genetic social difficulty. If that's the case, I would probably still be a reclusive virgin by that logic.

Haha! I was just posting about you while you posted that. I hope you don't mind. I should have anticipated that you'd be speaking up about this point!

August 27, 2012

That is so lame it's pathetic.

A personality that tends towards social difficulties certainly can be genetic, but if you are just going to sit there and stew in your own poor genetic juices, then you earn what you get out of doing that.

ThaWholigan is autistic. (And now, I'm grumpily remembering SD saying that he'd happily be autistic if he could be tall along with it). And TW has consciously worked on overcoming some parts of that so that he can relate socially and personally with others. As it turns out, he seems to be one of the best at it here on LoveShack. That is NOT because he said to himself, "I'm autistic. Blehhhh. I guess I'll just sit here in my chair and be autistic as my life's work. Genetics suck."

I never used the word "pathetic" to refer to anything you ever wrote. Just saying.

But TW might be autistic, and clearly has done a good job defeating his difficulties. But that doesn't mean everyone can. And notice that TW conquered his issues at age 23; he didn't make it to 32 with these problems. That should tell you something right there.

Some people will never ever be able to date and have relationships. Those people are simply unlucky. Nothing can be done for them. All of this talk about having a good attitude and confidence is just talk, stuff you say to somebody to make them feel better. Doesn't make it true.

August 27, 2012

I never used the word "pathetic" to refer to anything you ever wrote. Just saying.

Feel free to start any time!

Some people will never ever be able to date and have relationships. Those people are simply unlucky. Nothing can be done for them. All of this talk about having a good attitude and confidence is just talk, stuff you say to somebody to make them feel better. Doesn't make it true.

I believe that the percentage of people who will never be able is directly proportional to the percentage of people who are not willing to work to change.

If you know you have a problem, even if it's genetic, and you just want to say to yourself, "oh, well, I am unable to date or have relationships," then chances are that they're correct.

The hardest thing is to find a way to convince people that they need to come to a point where they are willing and ready to do anything they can to improve their own lives.

I have never been able to.

Sometimes I think it was a blessing that all of my genetic garbage (yes, I probably have worse problems gifted to be by my own genetics than you or SD might) lead me to being a suicidal self destructive junkie. At least I didn't have much choice about just comfortably wallowing; it was pretty much do or die for me.

Speaking of genetic misfortunes (and not including truly disabling ones), here is a lovely gem from my departed mother.

I was accidentally pregnant by my drug addicted, criminal boyfriend. I was full of problems myself. When I told my mom, she said, "great. I wouldn't even call that a gene pool; more like a cesspool."

My daughter, by the way, is spectacular.

August 27, 2012

...Some people will never ever be able to date and have relationships. Those people are simply unlucky. Nothing can be done for them...

These people can't be identified with any certainty until after they're dead.

August 27, 2012

Well, Somedude. We have gotten sidetracked and some people have defended you, but I don't think that anyone has agreed with your premise on this thread.

What will you do with this?

Or do you intend to just hang out in the hopes that ONE person will agree - and then latch onto that? And ignore all the posts that say NO WAY?

This would be a good example of why you are so stuck.

August 27, 2012

He's a victim of his genetics. Not about the being short part, but more about having social difficulties.

I used to be extremely shy. I could not hold eye contact with anyone. I had know idea how to talk to women and when I did I would start shaking.

I had never had a Gf. I was in my early 20s.

It was very hard and took some time, but I was able to change all that.

I am no longer shy and I am pretty good at talking to women and people in general now.

These things can be changed. It is hard and scary and takes time and a lot of work, but they can be improved in most circumstances.

Edited August 27, 2012 by Badsingularity

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