She broke my heart, but now is she playing with me? Maybe a second chance?

[woodstok]

Ok so my ex and i have been broken up now for a little over a month and at first it was very hard on me as it was her who broke up with me, i later found out she met some new guy and dated him for a while. Lately we have been talking more often on the phone although we dont talk about our relationship or about our personal life. She calls me at times because her day was bad so she can talk since i always listen and she knows i will help her. When i ignore her for a few days and not talk to her she calls or texts messages me with "i havent talked to you in a while, i hope you have a good day, love you" its what she will send to me in the mornings before i go to work. Anyways what do you guys think, i belive there is a chance as we both talk and when we get off the phone we tell each other "i love you" and we have hung out maybe like twice since the break up and both time we kisses and messed around although we did not have sex because she said she did not think it would be right, it would confuse her more and she told me lets just take things slow and let time do its thing like when we first met. So what do you guys make of this? I truly love this girl and i am in no way begging her back, when we broke up i did tell her i thought i deserved a second chance, and the relationship would be a million times better since we both realized mistakes we had made. But i also told her i was not guranteeing her that i would be here if she returned. One other thing is we have a trip coming up in a few months that may be when we get back together. but what should i do in between this time? Pleas help, any advice would be appreciated

 

Break ups suck!!!!!!! I am a good guy damnit

[greenie]

Be a man. Not that you aren't, but don't be her friend if you want more. Don't gab like two chicks when you talk.

Let her know you're interested in boyfriend stuff, not friend stuff. See what she says. Don't continue to hang around and be friends b/c that's what will happen. Let her know you're going out with someone else, and see how she reacts.

[woodstok]

Ok but she asked for time and space so should i not give her that for the time being and then later tell her i still feel the same (if i do you never know). I mean i cant tell her i want her back right now, its like begging and i am not begging or chasing her but i feel by being friends, we still have that connection and that trust and she knows how i feel about her so i have nothing left to tell her. She knows i would like her back (i think) and i am trying to date as well but its hard when i still have feelings for someone else because i am not giving all i should to a date, instead i am comparing so i fell dating is not good for me right now. Its just confusing i love her more than i can imagine, yet i dont want to talk to her constantly about wanting her back, i only did when she broke up with me and about 2 weeks later when we saw each other to hang out. Then since that time i have not talked to her about my feelings, i do tell her i love her and i think about her but that is about it. I am scared if i try now she will say no and it will set me back further but if i give it time then i can see where to go from there. All i want is advice if anyone out there has gone through this let me know, or what you guys would do or have done, girls and guys let me know, i am confused as to what to do here.....

 

i though being friends was a good thing with an ex, why would i tell her i am with someone else? I dont want to lie to her as i have never before so why start now. What about our trip should i wait till then?

[greenie]

The things I've learned about women are:

 

They want a masculine man.

They don't always mean what they say.

Their love scale goes up and down slowly and gradually, whereas men's is fast and quick.

 

If she wants you, she'll let you know. In the dating game, men pick, but women choose; meaning it's up to her about the relationship.

 

Don't lie to her, but if you need to reply to email or text, let her know that you have been dating or whatever. Just be you, and this will take care of itself. It may go how you want however. You can't really do anything to change her mind. If youguys are young, less than 25, date around. There are lots of chicks out there. You don't even know yourself yet at that age.

[Nick]

greenie, 25 is the average age of when people marry. And if he is older than that or around that age I am sure he know's himself. If you really love the girl, go for it. Don't stop now. Because to let someone go you really love hurts like a bitch. I am in the same situation as you, and it's hard to date when you have feelings for her. It's hard to be friends, i just want to be a boyfriend, and be part of something special with her. Other than that, its too hard to be friends and watch her date. So friends is out of the picture, if you really care. Because, if you get too good of friends, she might just want to stay that way, and it will hurt you worse.

[woodstok]

i am 25 and she is 21, i know myself well enough to know i love her. The thing is we are friends but we dont act like it sometimes, we kiss, we still call each other by our names (mushy crap) we tell eah other i love you. We even have a trip planned and you cant tell me even as friends most ex's do not take trips together for 7 days out of the country. I just dont want to rush at asking her for another chance too soon, that is why even though it may hurt, i would rather have her as a friend than not have her at all. I know she may date someone else and even if she is right now i dont know as we never ask each other about our personal life. My question also is if she is seeing someone else then why does she still act the way she does towards me? Most girls if they have someone else they could care less about their ex, i mean when i was with her she never talked to her ex.

 

I wont lie either sure it would be nice to maybe meet someone else to make the time a bit easier but i know i would only be doing it to pass time, because i have such strong feelings for her. I am not a bad looking guy and can get a date easily, but i dont want to because i cant change my feelings and believe me at times i wish i could just not love her and forget her but my heart wins, i can't explain it, my feelings for her are undescribable. I felt love for her since the day we started talking and she has told me she loved me before she ever even told me and she cant explain it either. We have this weird thing that is keeping us in each others lives.....i have never before been friends with an ex, and she told me she has never been like this with an ex either. I am confused and needing help, i even went to a counselor for help, because i wish i could just let go, i mean i have before with previous ex's without problem but why cant i now? I did not even go out tonight on a sat. night!!, just because i am looking for answers and for some reason tonigh i just decided to stay in and think.

[Nick]

You know, we are both going through the same thing. I haven't been able to eat normally. Actually, to be honest, I haven't ate a single meal for the last week and a day since we broke up. I am literally killing myself because it hurts so bad, and my heart and body can't take it. Every day, when I think about it, I feel my heart tearing in pieces. And it feels as if my body is trying to kill me because it won't let me eat. Also, I can't sleep. And my social life is going to **** because I don't feel like going out anymore, even on the weekends. I want to mope around the house like a bum, and never come out of my room. But at the same time I really do. But I just sleep around in my room and lay around the house, waiting for her to call me. However, I become unpatient and end up calling her. I think we both need to stop moping around and do something about it. We both love the girls we want back, so let's pursue our actions. Show her how you really feel and how much you care. I can see you two getting back together by the way things sound between you two. There is alot of potential if she always calls you and asks where you have been and why you have not called her. She realizes that you are what she wants, but your not telling her that you want her back, which is holding things back. Please tell her that you feel like she is making it seem like she needs you in her life, and that by kissing and all this stuff makes you think she wants you back. And tell her you really do, without any hesitant. Keep us informed, I would like to read more of your posts, and I hope the best for you!

[popvix]

She's using you for the emotional connection she has with you which doesnt involve being a boyfriend.... in short, she wants you as a friend while she shares herself physically with other people.

 

Bottom line, you have to decide if you want to be her friend while she goes with other men - some people can move on and be cool with their ex'es, or even stay great friends. Having said that, there are other men (like me) who personally cant stand the idea of that - so for people like us, the only way you can do is keep contact up with her and keep putting yourself through hell, with your wounds never healing. Or you can cut contact off completely, and at least start yourself on the road to recovery.....

 

One thing with this option is that it gives your ex the chance to see what life is like WITHOUT you, and if thats something she doesnt like - then maybe she might come running back. Having said that, the opposite might be true and in that case its meant to be really

[woodstok]

well bad news, last night the shi*t hit the fan, i went to the store by my house to buy a few things late at night and as i pulled into the parking lot i saw a car that looked like hers, but i shrugged it off cause she lives so far away fro me. Why would she be at this store? Well i got my answer when i walked in and saw her at a checkout isle with her new man, so i snuck up behind her and she was really surprised, like oh **** i got caught! I told her it was wierd to run into her at this store at the same time, how small this world is and then told her to call me cause we needed to talk. so she did this morning and she said she went out with this guy to see if her feelings for me where true and if she missed me. What a bunch of bullsh*t, you dont do that to someone you care about i told her, but whatever, i said thanks for making it clear where i stand. So she cried and said she was so sorry for hurting me and felt bad but i guess she only said this as she probably felt guilty. Anyways she is coming over tonight so we can talk so i will tell you guyys how it goes. One thing is for sure, she tells me she loves me and she cares about me more than i will ever know, but if this is the case i would not be going through this, so tonight i will end it cause i deserve better than this crap. She is wrong, why would you need to see someone else to find out if your feelings are true? Its crap i tell you so tonight i am making my STAND cause i deserve better damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[greenie]

Don't get too pompous my friend. You sound like the old me!

 

And that guy was a dickhead!! Pardon my french.

[Mike525]

Nick, I'm goin through the SAME thing. My girl broke it off because she said she wanted to still hang out with her friends and that we rushed into it and all that. She said she needed a break. So I didn't call her the next day, but she called me that night, acted a little down. She really didn't act like she wanted to break it off, wouldn't let me leave, kept kissing me and stuff. Well, that was Friday she did that. I went to church this morning and acted like we were just friends, she was all over me! Flirting big time. I thought it was cool, she wanted me to come over and stuff. Then I said I would and she said it wasn't a good idea It was like when I gave in, her fun was over. What the heck?!? Is she scared of of getting too close? She did this to the last two guys after the same amount of time. I want to call her SOOO bad and tell her we can work it out, ya know? But i don't want to pressure her, or beg and sound like a little b**** or something. I'm real confused.....any advice from people that have been in my shoes please help! Thanks!

[dreamguy]

woodstok,

 

Are you still alive ? What happened with your ex ? Keep us updated.

[woodstok]

Ok well since sh*t hit the fan, that night i was totally hurt and pissed. She called me the next morning asking me to see her so we could talk about things but i was a little hesitant at first but decided what the hell so we met up this past sunday and talked for a few hours about things. She told me when she saw me at the store she was very surprised and never has she felt so sick to her stomach and so horrible cause she knew i was surprised as well and hurt even though i did not show it. She then told me that the guy she was with was just a friend and yes they had gone out on a one date but it was nothing more and he is a friend. I am still somewhat uncertain about that but whatever anyways so we talked about our relationship and what happened. We had never really talked seriously like this since we broke up so this was coming and i am glad it happened, i mean sure i was pissed off and hurt to see her with this dude at a store by my house but if that had not happened we would have never talked sunday about things. So anyways i hope i did the right thing, but we decided to go ahead and be friends and start going out more and stuff and work our way back up to what we had. I told her that if this is what she wanted to do then lets do it as she is who i want but to not do it for the sake of sparing my feelings and dont do it because she is confused because there is someone else she is interested in and she is trying to decide who she likes better so dont do me any favors like that. I dont want to play games and i dont want to play second fiddle while she decides, but she said she is not interestesd in anyone else and this is what she wanted to do.

 

So everything went well and time will just tell what happens from here, i mean i am excited in a way because i feel this is my second opportunity to get my love back but i am also aware that it could back fire and not work out. As i write this she is on her way to my house so we can go eat lunch, go to the zoo and catch a movie. So you never know we could fall back in love (i pray) or we could figure out we just want to remain friends. So what do you guys think? Some may think i am crazy and stupid for giving this a second chance but i love her fellas and this is who i want so why not fight.

[faux]

Unless you want this girl to have complete control over your feelings, to play games with you, and cause you emotional stress, you should stop talking to her and seeing her. To me, it seems obvious she is using you for emotional support when she cannot find it from her "new guys" that she is seeing. Additionally, she uses you as a method of comfort, as you have already shown her you will believe anything she says, and will always be around waiting for her.

 

I believe it was obvious that she was toying with you when she said she needed "time and space", which is almost always a sorry excuse for sparing your feelings. Her behavior in phoning you, and what she would say to you after the break up, additionally tells me that she was doing nothing but using you for attention, and playing games.

 

I'd suggest not speaking with her, or associating with her in any way, any longer. It might feel liberating to stand up to her, in one last conversation, and inform her that you do not appreciate being toyed around and lied to in this manner, and that you deserve far better.

[dreamguy]

Woodstok,

I don't see any harm in going out with her again on one important condition:

Stop believing everything she says and keep in mind Faux's words. Chances are she might be using you for emotional support because she doesn't have the strength to forget about you yet. Eventually, when/if she finds that strength, she might break up with you again.

It's a 50/50 situation. She might be honest or she might be using you. Keep your guards up at ALL TIMES and do not allow yourself to fall in Love with her any deeper than you are for the time being. I know it's easier said than done but you'll have to force yourself back to reality everytime you start fantasizing about a perfect relationship with her. Now that you're back again, your responsibility is bigger ! You know what they say: The only stupid mistake is that which we make more than once !! Don't make the same mistake again so stay alert and be a Love detective when it comes to this newly resumed relationship (without letting her know of course).