i did the most stupid thing

[without]

i did the most stupid thing.

i did the most stupid thing.

I really wanted to go out with a guy and after a year that he was saying he wouldn't because of some problems... I did a stupid thing and found out about is member of some site and in there he said he isn't over someone. i was really sad. so i told him. he had told me he doesnt love anyone. then he called me a scarrry stalker and he has blocked me everywhere.. I haven't slept last night sending him all messages but im blocked and i have no access to him in real life either...

 

I really regret what I did. I never wanted him to do that... **** ... I look like a creep to him after a year ... I just wanted to know how he feels so I checked.

Its like he has erased me from everywhere..

wha the hell have I done?...

 

I just wanna cry. I can't reach him anywhere... Its like I dont exist to him.

[Am313]

I know the feeling.....Entirely different situation but I know the feeling.

 

To be honest, he didnt want a relationship with you before, he isn't gonna want one now. I've also been there before. But moving on from this is a lot easier than an actual break up. All you have to do is accept it.

[without]

yes i have exprienced a break up its harder, but at least there was no sudden blocking everywhere and i didnt seem like a creep... and i spent a whole year with him. im really attached..

[without]

what should i do? i feel horrible i didnt want it to end this way..

[Am313]

He said that out of anger, and he doesn't genuinely think you're a stalker. In time he will forget all about it.

 

Someone gave me some great advice: It really doesn't matter how things end, when it's all over and the dust has settled, heart break is heart break. The specifics don't really matter.

 

If it ended another way, you'd still be saying you didn't want it to end this way. Even if you dated him and it ended for whatever reason, you'd still be saying you didn't want it to end this way. We all feel that way.

 

Stop worrying about it.

 

A very long time ago I had a crush on a girl. I was helping her mom out with something and I got the sneaking suspicion she was avoiding me. After a few times of this I investigated. It involved me having to drive past her house.....and later I confronted her about it. She blew up on me, called me a psycho, crazy stalker, etc. I've never seen someone go this nuts, especially someone as timid and quiet as she was.

 

Well a few months later she was telling a mutual friend that she felt really bad and that she hoped I didn't hate her. Guess what? We're friends again.

[todreaminblue]

i did the most stupid thing.

i did the most stupid thing.

I really wanted to go out with a guy and after a year that he was saying he wouldn't because of some problems... I did a stupid thing and found out about is member of some site and in there he said he isn't over someone. i was really sad. so i told him. he had told me he doesnt love anyone. then he called me a scarrry stalker and he has blocked me everywhere.. I haven't slept last night sending him all messages but im blocked and i have no access to him in real life either...

 

I really regret what I did. I never wanted him to do that... **** ... I look like a creep to him after a year ... I just wanted to know how he feels so I checked.

Its like he has erased me from everywhere..

wha the hell have I done?...

 

I just wanna cry. I can't reach him anywhere... Its like I dont exist to him.

 

 

 

i feel for you dont feel bad everyone makes mistakes you were honest honesty counts much more in my book you knew you did soemthing wrong and you tried your heart out to fix it.You arent a stalker you know what you are one word from me to you

 

HUMAN

 

BIG HUGS FROM ME TO YOU....HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.....he should have given you a chance move on you will find the one you love because you are honest......he got mad at you because you found him out not because what you di dwas wrong.....thats bad....his bad not yours......forgive yourself ....good luck sweetie..dont cry or you will give me a sad face .....:0) smile...deb

[without]

thanks guys, i even asked him before that i knew he was on a site wiuld he be mad, and he said no. then when i told him that he acted that way. i couldnt stop myself from saying it, i loved him for a whole year and he said he didnt want a R with me nor anyone, that he didnt want any emotion..

he treated me very badly sometimes.

i felt there was sth wrong with me and i always tried hard to be better...

 

and i asked him if he loved anyone so that i will understand if he does, i wont annoy him. but he said thats not it.

 

even his comment on the site was for 2 years ago he said he was not over a girl she loved ,they werent dating, he said some bad stuff about way she dressed and she heard him and didnt talk to him again.

 

how can he still be in love? after 5 years? with no actual relationship?.. hes 27.

 

anyway he gave a very bad time all the time, but i loved him except his behavior he had a very artistic and interesting character.

and now he hates me.

[without]

Thanks all of you for your heart warming answers.

Sorry for my bad writing i was sending it from my phone.

 

I thought he would say that he wasn't still in love.. You know..

 

But instead he hates me now. I can search very good and he knows it I found many stuff he was looking for. if he remembers... And now im nothing to him.

 

At first he said he is passive and wouldnt do what he wants, he's shy. So i tried everything to help him and making sure he knows i love him. But anyway... Who cares now.

[without]

maybe he didn't want me to see his Q and A . Its a Q and A site... Hate myself right now...

I can't believe he won't talk to me.. I'm blocked everywhere..

Edited August 27, 2012 by without

[without]

It was hard to find him, but i did it. He used a sentence he always uses in it... He must have never thought I would....God ... I'm a creep to him...I hate it..

Why did I tell him...

 

Do you think he blocked me because i found out the site or that he's in love?

[Am313]

Stop!

 

Stop asking questions, you're going to drive yourself

crazy! I'm not joking with you, you're only going to hurt yourself more with this attitude.

 

You will talk to him again, but you need to put some time

and space between the two of you. In the mean time, please get out and do things, be with friends, work out, find a hobby. Stop the questions, the wondering, stop everything. Just leave it alone.

 

If you don't, I can promise you he won't talk to you again. You need to leave him

alone and give him space.

 

Do you really care about him? If you do leave him be. If you can't leave him alone or don't want to, then you don't really care about him, you care about yourself.

[without]

Stop!

 

Stop asking questions, you're going to drive yourself

crazy! I'm not joking with you, you're only going to hurt yourself more with this attitude.

 

You will talk to him again, but you need to put some time

and space between the two of you. In the mean time, please get out and do things, be with friends, work out, find a hobby. Stop the questions, the wondering, stop everything. Just leave it alone.

 

If you don't, I can promise you he won't talk to you again. You need to leave him

alone and give him space.

 

Do you really care about him? If you do leave him be. If you can't leave him alone or don't want to, then you don't really care about him, you care about yourself.

 

Of course I can leave him alone, I just don't want him to hate me.

 

We had fights before but he never did this.

 

And he always says he strict and won't forgive.. I just don't want that to happen.

 

I don't think he will ever talk to me again because he has blocked my number and my mail. He never did that. So that must mean he never wants to talk again...

 

I will give him space. And ok I won't ask questions again. I'm just sad and worried...

[Am313]

Don't question yourself. Come here and vent, nothing wrong with that. But don't wrap your head around all the wondering.

 

Time and space. It isn't all about him. I guarantee you if you give YOURSELF some space from the situation, you will feel better.

[without]

Sorry I just need to vent, I won't talk to him again...

 

:( He really did love someone else.. Why didn't he say so.. How can he still be in love with some girl from 5 years ago who he hadn't had a R with..

 

.... I'm so stupid for loving him.. I should have known there's always someone else..

[Trimmer]

I'm sorry, I know you are feeling hurt, but I wanted to clarify some points. I'm not clear if you were in a relationship with him and then he ended it, or if you wanted to go out with him but he refused you for a year...

 

I really wanted to go out with a guy and after a year that he was saying he wouldn't because of some problems...

 

i loved him for a whole year and he said he didnt want a R with me nor anyone, that he didnt want any emotion..

The reason I ask is because at first I thought it sounded like you were never in a relationship with him - that you loved him from afar, but he didn't return it. But then you said this:

 

yes i have exprienced a break up its harder, but at least there was no sudden blocking everywhere and i didnt seem like a creep... and i spent a whole year with him. im really attached..

So were you "with him" and mutually attached in a relationship, or were you just wanting to be with him?

Edited August 27, 2012 by Trimmer

[without]

I'm sorry, I know you are feeling hurt, but I wanted to clarify some points. I'm not clear if you were in a relationship with him and then he ended it, or if you wanted to go out with him but he refused you for a year...

 

 

 

 

The reason I ask is because at first I thought it sounded like you were never in a relationship with him - that you loved him from afar, but he didn't return it. But then you said this:

 

 

So were you "with him" and mutually attached in a relationship, or were you just wanting to be with him?

 

 

Sure its ok.

 

The break up was not with him, I said that in general I have exprienced a break up and I know a break up is harder. It wasn't with him.

 

We were friends.

 

I made a new thread in which I explained more, you can look at it.

[without]

It was odd that I found the site and the answer. But I swear I didn't know he would be that upset.

 

Well he loves someone else anyway...

[without]

Was what I did really that horrible? Finding out about the site.. I crossed his privacy.. How foolish of me..

 

Will he ever forgive me?

[Crila16]

without...he didn't break up with you because he thinks you're a scary stalker...he broke up with you because he wanted out anyway, so please stop blaming yourself. When someone really likes or is in love with you, there's nothing you could do or say that would make him not want to be with you, unless it was something unforgiveable.

 

This was just a stupid little insecure thing that you did. I don't know why you said something to him, but that was the out he needed that he was looking for. If it wasn't that, he would have found something else.

 

There are people who are on this site, who have the most horrid things their exes have done to them. Cheating, Manipulation, mind games, name calling...just horrible stuff...and they would STILL take them back. A little thing like looking someone up on the computer (which everyone does) and you find out he has a profile and you read what he said...big deal.

 

Rest easy...you're being way to hard on yourself.

[without]

without...he didn't break up with you because he thinks you're a scary stalker...he broke up with you because he wanted out anyway, so please stop blaming yourself. When someone really likes or is in love with you, there's nothing you could do or say that would make him not want to be with you, unless it was something unforgiveable.

 

This was just a stupid little insecure thing that you did. I don't know why you said something to him, but that was the out he needed that he was looking for. If it wasn't that, he would have found something else.

 

There are people who are on this site, who have the most horrid things their exes have done to them. Cheating, Manipulation, mind games, name calling...just horrible stuff...and they would STILL take them back. A little thing like looking someone up on the computer (which everyone does) and you find out he has a profile and you read what he said...big deal.

 

Rest easy...you're being way to hard on yourself.

 

 

Yes I guess. I'm so stupid. During my relationship with him I lost all my confidence, I questioned my everything from my looks to my behavior.

 

The problem was that I thought he likes me as much as I like him. And he just needs some time. But it wasn't like that at all I suppose.

 

For every little thing even if he was wrong I had to apologize...

I feel so bad about myself. He used silent treatment on me and it was horrible.

[Crila16]

You can tell your self esteem is shot at the moment. If you find that you're insecure in a relationship, or worried that someone is cheating, or you start questioning yourself, it means you're not with someone who you are compatible with and that's a big clue that you know deep down that the guy isn't as interested as you are. We all have the answers if we would just learn to listen to our gut.

 

You're supposed to find your best friend. Someone who makes you feel happy and good about yourself. Fulfilled. You want to conquer the world. It's horrible to be with a guy who makes you feel horrible, sad, inadequate all the time. He sounds like a real creep. If he can't apologize when he's wrong, and you did the apologizing in order to keep him...right there was a clue that you were more in love with him than he was with you.

 

I don't like this guy. I want you to ask yourself a very important question. Be truthful to yourself with your answer. Is this a guy who you would call your soulmate...the one...the man you could see forever with and be the father of your children. The man who would always be there for you? The man that you've been dreaming about since you were a little girl? Is this that guy?

 

If the answer is No or even...I don't know...or I think so...then the answer is still NO. It's ok to hurt, but know the one is still out there and you will find each other. Don't waste your heart on this creep.

[Trimmer]

Sure its ok.

 

The break up was not with him, I said that in general I have exprienced a break up and I know a break up is harder. It wasn't with him.

 

We were friends.

 

I made a new thread in which I explained more, you can look at it.

So just to clarify further: you have never been in a committed relationship with this guy? You were only ever "friends", but you were hoping for more?

[without]

You can tell your self esteem is shot at the moment. If you find that you're insecure in a relationship, or worried that someone is cheating, or you start questioning yourself, it means you're not with someone who you are compatible with and that's a big clue that you know deep down that the guy isn't as interested as you are. We all have the answers if we would just learn to listen to our gut.

 

You're supposed to find your best friend. Someone who makes you feel happy and good about yourself. Fulfilled. You want to conquer the world. It's horrible to be with a guy who makes you feel horrible, sad, inadequate all the time. He sounds like a real creep. If he can't apologize when he's wrong, and you did the apologizing in order to keep him...right there was a clue that you were more in love with him than he was with you.

 

I don't like this guy. I want you to ask yourself a very important question. Be truthful to yourself with your answer. Is this a guy who you would call your soulmate...the one...the man you could see forever with and be the father of your children. The man who would always be there for you? The man that you've been dreaming about since you were a little girl? Is this that guy?

 

If the answer is No or even...I don't know...or I think so...then the answer is still NO. It's ok to hurt, but know the one is still out there and you will find each other. Don't waste your heart on this creep.

 

Well I guess, honestly I hate myself for being with him. Although he wasn't better than me, maybe in some cases worse, I confess he had a great face for my taste, I do have an odd taste though. He was really short, he felt shy about that, I wouldn't mind and at the age of 26 he had no job.

I'm not that perfect but I do have a pretty face, normal height. and I'm a university student.

Although at some point he stopped the meetings, and I wasn't fat but I lost alot of weight some of them because he was hurting me and I couldn't eat.

 

I may be even better than him in many stuff but he had a high self-esteem but I didn't. I was normal until he flirted then I lost it...

 

After our big fight about 3 months ago he said he has changed his mind and wouldn't date a kind girl like me.

 

He kept me hanging from the first making me think we will date then we won't... I don't know what was his problem.

 

So just to clarify further: you have never been in a committed relationship with this guy? You were only ever "friends", but you were hoping for more?

 

You do ask alot, He knew I wanted more than to be just friends I had told him, at first he said he would but he's not in a time in his life and he has problems I was ok with waiting until he started flirting and said he wants sex but still he doesnt want any relationship with them. From that point although after fighting I tried to understand him but it just got worse.

I was in love and he said he had suppressed his feeling God knows why he did that. I kept asking why and he would get mad that I ask emotion related questions.

[without]

Maybe he lied the whole thing and hated me from the start,

Maybe he had written sth bad about me in that site so he snapped when I found out about that. I didn't see any though. Just one from after we had recently saw eachother describing me as beautiful but too kind for him.

[Trimmer]

You do ask alot, He knew I wanted more than to be just friends I had told him, at first he said he would but he's not in a time in his life and he has problems I was ok with waiting until he started flirting and said he wants sex but still he doesnt want any relationship with them. From that point although after fighting I tried to understand him but it just got worse.

I was in love and he said he had suppressed his feeling God knows why he did that. I kept asking why and he would get mad that I ask emotion related questions.

I'm asking for a lot of clarification because your status with him, as you describe it, seems extremely ambiguous. And it's not just me - for example, this poster assumes that he "broke up with you", as if you were in a committed relationship together, and he was looking for a way out:

without...he didn't break up with you because he thinks you're a scary stalker...he broke up with you because he wanted out anyway, so please stop blaming yourself.

 

So how clearly you communitcate the actual status of your relationship will affect the usefulness of the advice you get on here.

 

When you use phrases like "I hate myself for being with him", and "I'm really attached..." it makes it sound like you had MUCH more of an attachment than just friends, and I wonder if maybe you had an unrealistic view of where your "relationship" was going.

 

The other thing I wanted to gently point out - you mention in this thread and another that he says he is still getting over an ex, and you sometimes speak as if it's only this obstacle that prevents you from getting together. I would suggest that you consider that there are a number of signs that he just doesn't want to be with you - the way he treats you, his continued resistance over a long period of time to intensifying his relationship with you, etc. The "still getting over the ex" thing may be real or it may be an excuse (just poll how many people have used either that or "I've already got a BF/GF" to let someone down easy that they just don't want to be with...) but it seems like it's not just this single, tiny obstacle that is keeping you guys apart.

 

I'm not saying this to be harsh, but to try to help you see the big picture. It just doesn't look like he's interested in you. The poster who thought he was trying to break up with you, in spite of her misinterpretation, had some good points:

When someone really likes or is in love with you, there's nothing you could do or say that would make him not want to be with you....

Instead, what he is doing is pretty much throwing everything in the book at you to keep you at a distance, isn't he, with the exception of coming right out and saying it directly. Sorry, but that's classic "guy," and the sooner you start to deal with that on a realistic level, the sooner you can stop hanging the blame solely on the "it's just because of the ex" issue, start to see him as just not interested, and hopefully then you can get down to the work of moving on.

Edited August 27, 2012 by Trimmer