Cristoforo Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 So there is this girl I met 3 years ago and we dated for a few months but I ended up breaking things off with her because I still had feelings for my ex and she was still in the picture. Things never worked out with my ex, and me and this other girl remained friends and would hang out as friends over these past three years. I still like her after all these years and my biggest regret was breaking things off with her because of my ex, but I had to be fair, I wasn't ready for a new relationship and the new girl liked me and wanted one. So last night I took her to dinner for her birthday. We probably hang out once a month. After I dropped her off I just told her that I want to take her out on a real date. She said "Yeah that should be good...let me think about it...but that would be nice." or something along those lines. I understand why she might have to think about it and I'm guessing its because of my past history with her and how when she started to really like me I bailed on her for my ex. I am completely, 100% moved on and healed from my ex. I still like this girl and can see myself being in a relationship with her. I am concerned about her response...she didn't flat out say no and that she just wanted to be friends, she said yes somewhat but that she had to think about it. I understand she might be cautious because she doesn't want to get hurt by me again...but how can I assure her that I am over the past, I have changed for the better since then and that I really like her and want to date her? I was thinking sending her a text or a message assuring her of that. Good idea or bad? I feel like I can't just wait around for her to "think about it" and get back to me. I wish I had told her last night what I want to tell her now but I feel that its important that I let her know that she wouldn't just be a "rebound" this time, that I really like her? Even if she doesn't want to date me I still feel like I want to let her know how I truly feel.
lilyblue Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 If you're friends and it was only last night, give her a chance to think and get back to you, don't overwhelm her. I had the same thing happen with my ex (he got back with his ex), and it does bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. In my case I really still did like my ex, but wondered if I could trust him. And in my case I couldn't - he went back to his ex again after telling me a lot of the same stuff you're saying. But, I guess what I would say for you is just let her have a minute to think about it. No texting in this situation (and I'm usually fine with texting for most things). This needs to be an in person conversation considering how you treated her in the past. And if she doesn't trust you enough to want to do this again, there's probably nothing you can do to change that. Words are just words. It takes a lot to want to put yourself into a situation like that again.
Author Cristoforo Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 If you're friends and it was only last night, give her a chance to think and get back to you, don't overwhelm her. I had the same thing happen with my ex (he got back with his ex), and it does bring up a lot of conflicting emotions. In my case I really still did like my ex, but wondered if I could trust him. And in my case I couldn't - he went back to his ex again after telling me a lot of the same stuff you're saying. But, I guess what I would say for you is just let her have a minute to think about it. No texting in this situation (and I'm usually fine with texting for most things). This needs to be an in person conversation considering how you treated her in the past. And if she doesn't trust you enough to want to do this again, there's probably nothing you can do to change that. Words are just words. It takes a lot to want to put yourself into a situation like that again. I'm she does have conflicting emotions. I would totally understand if she didn't want to risk getting hurt again. I do want to make it clear that my ex has not been in the picture for a long time. I don't speak to her and I no longer have the desire to be with her. It might not matter to this girl, and my opportunity might have long passed. But I will feel even more regret if I don't at least try with this girl. Life is too short not to tell somehow how you feel. I'm fully prepared for whatever answer she gives.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 If she had to "think about it" the chances of this working out in your favor are somewhere between zero and zero. Sorry, but those are the breaks.
Author Cristoforo Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 If she had to "think about it" the chances of this working out in your favor are somewhere between zero and zero. Sorry, but those are the breaks. Thank you for your honest opinion. If that's the case then I must accept it.
lilyblue Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I'm she does have conflicting emotions. I would totally understand if she didn't want to risk getting hurt again. I do want to make it clear that my ex has not been in the picture for a long time. I don't speak to her and I no longer have the desire to be with her. It might not matter to this girl, and my opportunity might have long passed. But I will feel even more regret if I don't at least try with this girl. Life is too short not to tell somehow how you feel. I'm fully prepared for whatever answer she gives. I think you have put it out there, and I think she will probably agree to go out with you, and then you can have your chance to make your intentions known. But of course, to text or message or not is up to you. I don't think that just because she had to think about it means your chances are zero. I think the fact that she said she had to think about it instead of no means that she just didn't want to be too quick to say yes without being able to think through it. Of course, only my theory. And I heard all the same stuff from my ex. He wasn't talking to her, they had officially gotten divorced, he was over it, etc. But of course those are my issues Just don't screw her over!! It sucks.
mortensorchid Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah, I would think your chances with her are slim to none at this point. You made a choice and your past is your past, granted, but this woman would not be too excited about seeing you if she knew deep within that you were her second choice behind the former gf a few years ago. If she says yes, that's another matter, but don't hold your breath.
Author Cristoforo Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah, I would think your chances with her are slim to none at this point. You made a choice and your past is your past, granted, but this woman would not be too excited about seeing you if she knew deep within that you were her second choice behind the former gf a few years ago. If she says yes, that's another matter, but don't hold your breath. Perhaps I should clarify something. I did not break up with this girl to get back with my ex. I broke it off with this girl because I was not ready to commit to her like she wanted. I was not ready to be in a relationship with someone because I still was not healed from the breakup with my ex, I obviously still had feelings for me ex, but I did not dump this girl to go and be with my ex. My ex and I never got back together. I knew it wasn't fair to this girl to keep her around when she wanted a relationship and I wasn't ready. Something she said to me when I broke things off with her was along the lines of her saying that maybe there's a chance somewhere in the future of us working out, or something like that. I guess this minor detail doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. If this girl doesn't want to date me and only be friends, its not the end of the world. I'll be fine. I just have to learn not to make the same mistake again.
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