sky1 Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I've been with my ex since I was 15 and I'm 22 now. She's the only person I've been with, in fact she's the only girlfriend I've ever had. She was planning to go to uni in another place and I was planning to go with her. Then a few months before I lost my job and as I had some savings I thought I would just wait try and find one there instead. Then she decided she wanted to move on her at first but we would still be together, then 1 week before she said she wanted a break but she would come back to sort things out. Then after she left she sent a text saying that she didn't want to be with me because she wanted to "be with other people" (her exact words). After that I got really, really upset at first but then I just thought it's not worth it, I'll find someone else so just cheer up and start getting things together again. The only problem is I don't know what I should now. Other than work, which I don't have right now, I've done everything with her since I was 15 and all my friends were basically hers as she disliked mine so she made sure they were out of the picture. So now I have no responsibilities and I don't really know anybody here so I can basically do whatever I want and go where ever I want. I just don't know what to do and I don't want to make any rash decisions in case I'm still a bit of a mess and don't realise it. I don't think I am as I'm not angry at her or anything, I know shes got someone else now and although I'm still a bit sad sorting out all her stuff to send and do get upset a bit I think I am doing ok at least. I could get a job here, get new friends and try find someone else. But I would quite like to move somewhere else or travel around a bit or even volunteer with something for a bit. It's just as I've not done anything without her and I don't want to do something I would regret I'm not sure what to do. So what would you do if you were me?
reallyupset Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 You probably need to move. Everything around you most likely will remind you of her. 1
salmagundi Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 You are a lucky man. Even though you are broken up and that probably hurts like hell (the first one is always the worst and you two were together for a long time) you have been handed an opportunity. A long time ago when I was your age (holy s?&t I never thought I would catch myself saying that) I got dumped. I was 23? 24? Anyway, I had finished my degree and had nothing tying me to the city I was in. So I rode my bike across the country over three months, got to Québec, stayed, learned french and made a new life here. (And now me and my gf have broken up and if we don't fix it...maybe I'll move right back but I digress.) Speaking as borderline old **** (not really, I'm a 'young' 39) I would give anything to be 22 again because that is the age when you can take off, try ****, move across the country, change career paths, change degrees, f%?k up, make mistakes and still have plenty of time to figure it all out and build something totally new out of your life. At 39 it is still possible to. But its much harder. So go change your life. Move to the city, go to university. Get a crap job and couch surf until you save enough money to spend a year in South America. This is a chance that lots of people **** up and they are the ones who at my age wonder why their lives are so boring and where all the time went. At least...thats my advice. Good luck:) 3
oracle Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I feel for you... cause I was / is / am there. I did from 19 to 33. Not really any friends outside the relationship. Worked from home together. Only apart 1 day out of 14 years. Like an old school relationship that your grandparents had. I think for people like ourselves its a harder process cause we don't know any different, and its hard to get your head around anything else. First things first.. 1) It will get better 2) You can love many other people and in different ways 3) Figure out what will make you happy. You get to be, and you should be 100% selfish now. I decided to go back to school again for the hell of it, and im having a blast. For me the hardest thing is getting out of my comfortzone. You have to force yourself and somedays you need to fake it till you make it. Best of luck. 4
InAFog Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I feel the same as you just coming on 3 months out of a five and a half year relationship. We did EVERYTHING together the last five years, including moving to a new town where I haven't made any real friends. The hardest part for me has been trying to figure out how to build a new life for just myself. While he is apparantly living our old life, just bringing in new people to take my spot. I am planning on making a move to a new city being as though i can't go anywhere in this tiny town without being reminded of him. But it is a decision that needs a clear head to make. Kudos to you for realizing that. Sometimes when we hurt we make very rash decisions just to escape the pain, ending up in an even worse position. Give it some time and think it through. We are transitioning in our lives. It doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen in a couple weeks, months or maybe even years, depending. But it will happen. You're young. Decide what you really want, and go for it! 2
Author sky1 Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 Thank you all so much for the replies. I really appreciate it, they really help. I can't seem to get used to doing things by myself. The idea of being able to do what I want when I want is just strange after all that time. I'll wait a few months until I know I'm not rushing into anything then I think I'll just move somewhere new and make a new life. I never really liked the place I live at now anyway. Speaking as borderline old **** borderline? I'm only joking, you're no where near yet. Thanks again everyone for your help.
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