winstonsdreams Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 So it's been 4 months since i broke up with my ex, i am the dumper, she moved on quick into a relationship that has been going for 2 months now. I have been dealing with some serious dumpers regret, so i was thinking of doing something dramatic this week and just going to see her to tell her how i felt. I know i made a huge mistake calling it off, but i haven't been able to even see her to express how i feel. we have been NC for nearly 4 weeks. I sent her one last email to tell her i was happy for her and that i would leave it (even though i didn't want to.) Her birthday was 2 weeks ago, i respected her enough to not say anything and let it be, but i just can't seem to get over her, i really love her and feel i should at least tell her how i feel in person. I really have to i just can't do nothing, as the dumper is it not up to us to show the dumpee we regret our decision? Even if they have moved on? She may tell me where to go, but this girl means the world to me, and i know at one time i meant everything to her too. Thoughts guys?
lil hoodlum Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 I can understand you wanting to tell her how you feel. However, if she is in a relationship with someone else right now, she more than likely won't be very receptive to your message. You might consider just waiting untill her current relationship has run its course or unless she contacts you.
Author winstonsdreams Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Yeah thanks lil hoodlum, anything i do would probably be considered a huge turnoff and desperate. After thinking about it and talking to some friends i have come to realise this. I have to really walk this one off i guess, she really has moved on, i feel like ***t but there is nothing i can do but wait out her current relationship and move on. I need to let her go.
Author winstonsdreams Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 Things were moving way too fast, i have been able to anazlyze what really went wrong in the relationship now, and i wanted to take things a little slower and i got scared off so to speak. She moves fast, hence the rebound relationship. But i will not be making any grand gestures, it would appear weak and needy and that is not the guy she fell for, although she likes to be chased. I will allow her to move on, i have to try do the same.
Stanza Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 Frankly if you want her back, go for it and sooner the better before she moves on and tell her as you really never know. If she's in a rebound it may mean nothing. Many of us want this to happen to us!
Author winstonsdreams Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 I honestly can't do it, as much as i want her back, the thought of going through with it all and failing would be too much to bare. I have been told she is already in love with the new guy, so it sounds like a legitimate relationship, i already begged and pleaded months ago and she told me no. She seems happy and she has her son to put first, i have to try move on i guess I am just so devastated right now, i just wish i could stop thinking about her. NC for 4 weeks and 4 months since the break up what the hell is wrong with me?! I feel like a complete idiot!!!!!!!!
lemonlime Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 It wasnt like an immediate jump into another relationship though either. How long were you guys together? Two months can be long enough for some people, especially if they spent it waiting and realizing you werent coming back.
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 we were only together 9 months but she had a deep love for me and thought i was the one i guess. she had a right rock move on i guess, i just can't believe how much i screwed it up. i wish there was something i could do, i love her still. but i owe it to her to let her go and find happiness. i just don't want to lose her forever, a part of me certainly wants to fight for her, but at what cost? i want to marry this girl
ProjectSiK Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Hey man, I know what you're going through. I want to fight for my ex too, more than anything in the world. It's almost been two months since the break-up and although the days are easier, I still have some where I just fallback and just think "what if." Even right now, I'm in that position where I just want to call her and meet up to see if we can make things work. The one thing keeping me from doing that though is the fact that she obviously doesn't want to do that. You gotta stop putting yourself down, dude. That "what if" is probably what's killing you more than anything because you were the dumper in this situation. Put yourself on the pedestal and recognize that you probably are a good person and one day, if you put yourself out there, someone great will come along (if this doesn't work with your ex). If she doesn't want a relationship right now, why torture yourself? I know it's easier said than done but that's the exact mentality I'm holding as I type this. Is she worth "fighting" for when she won't fight for you? I won't tell you maybe one day you'll get back together but I will say that work on healing yourself and if the opportunity doesn't present itself in a few weeks or months and you still feel the same (with a clearer head) then go for it. If not, you'll be in a better place and the outcome won't matter as much in the end. Concentrate on YOU.
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 2, 2012 Author Posted September 2, 2012 ProjectSiK thanks, it's the fact she is in a relationship that hurts, she moved on after only 6 weeks, and it that makes me powerless to do anything. How can i even think about interfering, especially when i ended it, i really do owe it to her to let her move on. But damn i still love her so much it hurts I ruined it, she wanted me back for a month and i resisted, then when i came back a month after that, she had already moved on. I am an idiot i had it all right there and i blew it. The longer i leave it and stay NC to more i fear she will get closer to this guy and forget me, we really were in love and had something special. The amount of restraint it has taken to not pick up the phone or try go see her is unbearable. I just don't want to give up but i have to do my best to pick up the pieces and move on. It just seems to be taking so long to get over her, 4 months is a long time i think, and i still miss her. But i am focussing on me right now, finding myself, becoming a better man, and staying single so i can be comfortable within my own skin. I need to be more independent and happy on my own. Hopefully in time i can be happy again. Any more people with similar experiences?
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