LK30 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Hi all, Last night I went out into town for a friend's birthday and I noticed one of her friends who I thought was really nice. I wouldn't say she was particularly beautiful but I could just sense she was a lovely girl by the way she carried herself, had an amazing smile and despite everyone else getting stupidly drunk she was very civilised and respectful of herself. I didn't talk to her much in the evening - especially towards the end as the music in the club was so loud. I have never found chatting up girls easy, but I tried my best. It was hard to say how interested in me she was as I'd say she was a bit of a tough nut to crack but think this is just part of her personality. Unlike everyone else, I drove and ended up driving her and her 3 friends to the 'birthday girl's' house to save on taxis. However on my way back to the car before I drove them home I wrote a note on a piece of paper to give to her... 'if you ever fancy going for a drink drop me a message, 0xxxx xxxxxx, Lee' As I dropped the girls off at the house I went up to her (she was half running as it was thrashing down with rain) and I put the note in her hand. She just went 'oh' and looked a bit confused but I then went back to the car to help one of the girls out who was totally drunk. as you can guess I've checked my phone every couple of hours and no message. Ok, she may not be interested so understandable, or even lost the note etc. At the moment I'm in the 'buzzing' stage as it was only last night I gave her the note, but I guess as the days roll by the % of her being interested reduces by 10%. Does anyone think this was a bad idea with the note? Was I too wimpy to ask her out? Perhaps she thinks I'm weird. One of my friends said at least I made the effort and it was sweet. Any thoughts? Thanks Lee
espec10001 Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Ugh, I used to do things like this when I was younger. It never works. Mate, you have to build a rapport with them first. Clubs are not a good place to do this at all. Get them laughing, make them feel good, and then because your presence makes them feel good and comfortable, look them in the eyes and ask to continue it another time. It might work, it might not, but you'll leave a much more powerful and memorable impression on them and have greater chances she'll reciprocate. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Don't beat yourself up over it, at least you made an attempt, although very slight and likely ineffective. You're basically asking the woman to be the brave and assertive one by giving you call back or contacting you. Without any kind of real conversation or rapport this will really hurt your chances or talking to this woman again. When you're in these situations try and be creative or spontaneous, by at least be forward and direct with her and make the big gesture that you are interested and want to talk with her again. You might feel like a fool or highly embarrassed with a rejection but just smile and say It's alright and go on with your day...rather than take the passive route and drop a note in her hand. She's just probably thinking wtf, that wasn't a very assertive move...or maybe If she got a good vibe from you or something by chance then she'd be interested in contacting you, however It's only more likely insecure women would do that kind of thing to be honest unless she really thought you were worth her time for some reason. You never know how a woman is going to take things and react, i think you deserve points for the effort and depending on how you did it could have been a nice gesture if you timed it right. All in all put it in the back of your mind and move on...If you see her again pretend like it never happened!
oaks Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Last night I went out into town for a friend's birthday and I noticed one of her friends who I thought was really nice. Passing notes is a bit middle school, but since you have a mutual friend then talk to her... "Hi, friend, thanks for inviting me to your birthday get together. I thought your friend XYZ was kinda cute. Do you know if she's single? What's her number?" or whatever.
Author LK30 Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Thanks for your replies guys - especially Ninjainpajamas as you worded that well...even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear!!! You were all quite right, and indeed I never got a reply. Being about 5 days ago if I got a message now I would faint! I suppose had she sent me a text I would have thought yes, that was a great idea and I'd recommend it to anyone! But as I've heard nothing I now look at it and think what the hell was I thinking!! I suppose you live and learn, and I thought I did set a good impression because I chatted to her a few times early in the evening when it was easier and there wasn't thumping music. It almost felt like she was hanging around with me as despite there being a group of girls it did divide off during the night but she stayed with my particular group. I suppose that's what motivated me a little to leave her my number as I felt I had made the first move and I wonder if she was a little interested in me having chatted with her and perhaps (although my perception) she was staying near to me. I wish I was more confident as this is a problem I've faced all my life, and I'm awful at making small talk. Oaks - not sure about your idea as you say passing notes is middle school but surely your suggestion of going through the 'birthday girl' is a similar thing as it's indirect. Thanks for the reply though and I'll see the 'birthday girl' at work next week so I'll see if she mentions it because I'm wondering if the girl I like told her about what I did! I wish I had been drunk now as at least I could have blamed the alcohol! How embarrassing!! :-(
Imajerk17 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Talk to your mutual friend the birthday girl and tell her that you fancied her friend. Tell her the situation. Maybe your mutual friend could get you permission to call this girl.
JD1977 Posted August 31, 2012 Posted August 31, 2012 Unlike everyone else, I think it is very charming. You didn't put her on the spot in front of her friends, and judging by how shy she is, it was probably the only shot you had. A woman will quickly notice a man who is helping/caring for ladies, like you did with her drunk friends! Nothing is as attractive is an old fashioned gentleman, they are a rare bread these days! I can guarentee she had asked your friend questions about you. She may or may not be too shy to call you, but don't count her out just yet! I hope you get that call!
Author LK30 Posted September 1, 2012 Author Posted September 1, 2012 Thanks JD1977. A bit of a boost for me there! I hope being helpful did make a difference. I hope you're right and she did ask my friend about me. It's a week today since I saw her and I've not had a reply so I'm guessing that's the end of it. Shame really and I could sense she was shy so all I've done is made it hard for her putting her in a situation where she had to text/call me first. I guess there is still some hope, or perhaps she might add me on Facebook, but as tempting as it is to send her a message on FB apologising I think it will make it worse.
Mint Sauce Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 one more here who thinks your approach was rather charming. If you're not a loud guy, then what's the point in trying to be? If it didn't make her wonder, then she's probably not really the kind of girl for you. But I agree: ask the common friend. Perhaps she's really too shy to call you...
callingyouuu Posted September 1, 2012 Posted September 1, 2012 Unlike everyone else, I think it is very charming. You didn't put her on the spot in front of her friends, and judging by how shy she is, it was probably the only shot you had. A woman will quickly notice a man who is helping/caring for ladies, like you did with her drunk friends! Nothing is as attractive is an old fashioned gentleman, they are a rare bread these days! I can guarentee she had asked your friend questions about you. She may or may not be too shy to call you, but don't count her out just yet! I agree! I think she at the very least thought it was a nice gesture. Although I wouldn't keep my hopes up too far in terms of her calling you back, I think it was a nice effort. OP, I'm awful at small talk as well, which particularly works against me in club settings. I always feel more comfortable in settings where at least we probably share something in common (concerts, etc.) so I have somewhere to begin. Keep trying, and I agree with some of the other posters in that you should try and develop a rapport first, if you can.
Author LK30 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Thanks guys. I never did hear anything in the end and the girl at work whose birthday it was never mentioned it. Perhaps she knows something but hasn't said anything about it. I've learnt my lesson :-(
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