miscurves Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Hi there, I really need to vent and get honest opinions on this difficult situation I have myself in. I met this lovely guy on FB almost three years ago after we last saw each other aalmost 14 years since high school. He is in America and I am in Africa. We got talking and in a few months we fell in love and started our long distance relationship. Before we hooked up, his ex fell pregnant by him and by the time we started dating she was well into her second trimester. This issue bugged me so bad but I did not make an issue of it as I already have two kids of my own. He explained that he had broken up with her and is just there for the baby. Baby was born, such a cute girl, got all the lovely pics and all almost daily. I then decided to give him time to bond with her and maybe bond with mummy too without my interference. For a while it worked but he told me he could not go on without me and needed me, I gave the relationship a try. He is a wonderful dad to his daughter, I wish I had my babies with him. Its been two years now and we are so comfortable with each other though we have not seen each other since we started dating but hoping it will happen year end. My biggest worry is baby mama. She made it clear she wants him back and he tells me he made it clear that it aint ever happening. I understood where she is coming from but at the same time, he has no idea I exist. No one does, I am just this huge secret he has. Everyone in my life and some friends from school are aware of my relationship with him but no one in his circle knows of my existance. I see his pics on FB of him, the kid and baby mama and I am often left wondering if there is more to this whole thing. The other time I called him and he had to go outside to talk to me so she would not ask questions. I did not make an issue of this. I understand and respect her role but should he really keep me a secret if they just share a kid? The whole reason why am writting this today is cos its his birthday and he tells me she threw him a suprise birthday party! I can't take this. Imagine all the time, effort and love involved in all this! He was all chuffed and sharing on FB and twitter, tell me, how do you match that some six hours time difference and thousands of miles away? I feel am just hanging on to an impossible dream.
justwhoiam Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 What kind of ex is she? Ex wife? Ex gf? What's her status on FB? What's his status on FB? Do they sleep in the same bed? Do they live in the same house? What is he saying about the two of you? What would he like for the future? If he lives at his own place, without her, he says he just wants you, what's stopping you from being together?
Author miscurves Posted August 27, 2012 Author Posted August 27, 2012 She was just a girl friend. They don't live together, he has no relationship status on fb nor does she. The distance and costs involved is mainly the reason why we can't see each other as often. I have wanted to end things so many times but I just can't and he won't allow it. I am not a priority to him, he often forgets I exist and can spend an entire day not talking to me but has time for his twitter. I often don't want to nag but I am really unhappy!
justwhoiam Posted August 27, 2012 Posted August 27, 2012 She was just a girl friend. They don't live together, he has no relationship status on fb nor does she. The distance and costs involved is mainly the reason why we can't see each other as often. This is the good part of your post. You should be in the open with your relationship with this man. If he wants one... I have wanted to end things so many times but I just can't and he won't allow it. I am not a priority to him, he often forgets I exist and can spend an entire day not talking to me but has time for his twitter. I often don't want to nag but I am really unhappy! Sometimes things are not as they appear to be. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Where does he twitter from? He might need some time to himself, away from his duties as a father or not having to do anything for others, and just having some fun time. That might be a videogame, a movie, or twitting. Talk to him about that. Let him know that if he doesn't have time for you, you will not be wasting your time with him. See his reactions. If he just says he doesn't want to lose you, but he's not ready to do anything to make you stay, start NC. You deserve better. 1
Recommended Posts